How does the man react in his being a husband and father to the idea of marital separation?
The separation of a couple with children is a difficult and sometimes traumatic moment for all the members of the family that is dissolving.
When you learn the news of a couple that has separated the first thought goes to the children, then to the mothers and often forget that even the man suffers.
The man decides to end a relationship because he feels that he no longer loves his partner; he loses the desire to continue the process of planning.
There are some men who are invested with the syndrome of the eternal Peter Pan, that is, he who wants to live the relationship only as a passion, at the most affectionate, but without any commitment in the longer term.
Unlike women, where the demand for commitment is always very intense.
Pavese said: "A love, any love, reveals to us in our nakedness, misery, helplessness, nothing. A man, any man, even the most 'narcissus' the most self-confident, in the face of the end of a love, of a love that he considered authentic, shows all his fragility, his weaknesses.
Often couples who decide to separate experience strongly involving emotions; they may realize that they experience a sense of failure in the face of the distance that has taken the place of the previous bond with the partner.
They have to face a change that involves some aspects of their life because the couple's goals have failed and it is necessary to review their projects and habits in the light of the separation.
The reaction of man, as psychology teaches us, to the end of a relationship and to a separation is linked to the past of previous experiences of detachment from the mother figure.
The choice of consensual separation is undoubtedly the fastest and least expensive way to end the marriage relationship, but from the pre- and post-separation crisis the figures of the couple come out unstructured, especially the figure of the man / father.
This figure remains in the social unconscious, a fundamental figure within the family, but difficult to define and we could argue that it is a figure still in the process of formation.
The function of the male in procreation has been recognized late.
Lacan spoke of the "law of the father" in which in the family triad the one who said law is the father, in order to affirm the prohibition of a possible incest between the child and the mother.
Despite the fact that we hear more and more talk of separate fathers, every man who is about to take this step never feels sure of what is to come and want it to the end.
The most fearful thing is the anguish of having to give up one's child or children.
Many men are assailed by the fear of being unable, because of separation, not to see their children grow up and not being able to love them as they would like.
There are men who experience separation as a very difficult failure to endure in which the recurring thought is to have caused inconvenience to the only individual they never wanted to create: their own child.
As soon as the separation emerges, some men begin to feel dismayed at what they are going to lose, even at things that paradoxically are not fundamental or that weighed heavily.
The actions of the routine come to mind: like turning off the light before going to bed or watching television together while falling asleep before the end of the film.
Many are distraught by the thought of how this will all be after the separation.
And there is no longer any desire to separate from your partner.
Women accuse men of being superficial and in this situation, men seem to accept the role of the superficial: they decide to separate but then they don't believe in it anymore.
But many times they activate a defense mechanism that, in the process of approaching the decision of separation, makes them know the true pain.
This happens in a latent way, then deep and wearisome with sleepless nights and days full of meaningless questions.