The abandonment of the father or mother causes, for some, a real emotional injury difficult to manage over the years: while others manage to flourish and develop as a person despite this absence, others carry with them its consequences.
Abandonment rates are still very high, particularly in some countries, such as Latin America. For some, this is due to social problems such as unemployment and poverty. For others, the most important factor is culture: in some cases the abandonment of the father is considered relatively normal because there is a strong relationship between unwanted pregnancies, especially among adolescents, and the abandonment of the father, for example.
The different forms of abandonment.
Just as there are many ways to accompany a child, there are also several ways to let him go.
- The absent parent, in principle, is the one who leaves the other physically and psychologically alone in the upbringing of their child. It does not take into account the financial contribution, the household chores and is not interested in the child.
- There are also parents who abandon emotionally but not physically. They think that children are the responsibility of the mother, for example. They are there, but they do not believe they are responsible for the growth of the children. They don't talk to them, they don't spend time with them, and they have no idea how their lives are going. They just pay the bills and don't interact with the children.
- There are also those who do not abandon emotionally, but physically. They form another family or are far away. However, they try to be aware of and keep abreast of what is happening to their children.
They can never spend as much time with them as they would like, but they continue to have their children in their thoughts and hearts.
In the case of the completely absent parent, the child may suffer while growing up because he or she has a tendency to question his or her life, because he or she does not feel loved, etc.. Feelings can be deep and difficult to accept.
If the father or mother figure is partially replaced by someone, the effect is obviously less and the child can fill this gap more easily.
The absence of a father or mother who leaves the place to the only mother-son or father-son relationship can, for some, create an important dependency for the child. Therefore, he will have difficulty exploring, broadening his horizons and trusting his abilities. This can eventually lead to a sense of exclusion. It is not good for the remaining parent to become "father and mother at the same time". Some abandoned children have difficulty adapting to the world and reality. They are also likely to develop fear of deep attachment.
In conclusion, the absence of the father or mother opens up a deep emotional wound, especially in the early years of life. His emptiness will never be filled and the trace of his absence will be very difficult to erase.
How to go further?
Going further will depend largely on how the mother or father presented abandonment to the child.
To work on the feeling of abandonment and not create too deep a wound, we recommend first of all to accept the feeling and to express their emotions, both those of yesterday and those of today. So we work on ourselves to try to recognize the moments in which we feel abandoned.
It is at this moment that we enter a phase of acceptance: we allow ourselves to be fragile and sensitive.
Therefore, it is important to solve the abandons and the real fears. In this phase, we try to remember the facts rationally and try to give them meaning. These two phases can be painful, but they allow us, in some way, to mourn abandonment in order to build ourselves.
Finally, we have to ask ourselves the following question: in the face of this or these abandonment, how are we protected? Now we have a different perspective on life and what we have experienced, which allows us to accept and put aside that feeling and fear of abandonment? Are you ready to let go of that missing person in your life and continue on your way? Do you want to make decisions without depending on the past?
From this day on, the process will begin to build as a person and to choose who you want to be. To find yourself, we recommend leaving room for creativity. In fact, the time has come to start new activities: practicing art, gardening, rediscovering nature, starting volunteering (social, humanitarian, sports, etc.).
Each step in this reconstruction allows you to grow personally facing different emotions without feeling overwhelmed.