I recently watched a short film called "The Stranger on the Table", which is about a couple of couples who communicate very little.
One day, my wife picked up a voice recorder at home.
The recording pen recorded the daily conversation between the husband and wife. She listened for a whole day and found that the communication between the two was so pale.
"Help me take the remote control"
"Ok"
"Now lettuce is very expensive."
"right"
"Will you come back to dinner tomorrow?"
"meeting"
Every conversation ends in two seconds, with no extra extensions. There are a lot of ambient sounds, TV sounds, and keyboard sounds in this long recording, but there are very few conversations between him.
These two people are the most familiar strangers. From nothing to nothing, there is nothing to say, more and more marriages have appeared "aphasia."
According to a survey conducted by the China Youth Daily with 2,750 participants, nearly 80% of the respondents admitted that they had “unstable silence” to varying degrees and returned to their homes to silence.
A British survey also showed that a quarter of couples talk less than 10 minutes a day.
Going home from work, I would rather chat with my friends on my mobile phone than to tell my partner about my own affairs;
It is clearly a segment of the circle of friends, but the character of the partner is like gold.
A director interviewed 8 couples who were married for more than 4 years and recorded their marriage life through the camera.
This documentary is called Happy Happiness. Some of them sit on the couch and chat, the surface looks calm and peaceful, and there is a suffocating cognac between them.
The husband said to his wife: "You should have a sense of existence. You should feel that you are important? You see that your child needs you."
The wife replied: "This is true for children, but I don't know that it is important for you."
In the face of her husband's smile, she asked her husband: "Do you have more than an hour of speech every day? You are always facing the phone, and you will not talk to me."
Every time she looks forward to the opening, she can only get his perfunctory response, and every time she can't wait to share, she can only end with words and words. All of her emotions were isolated from indifference, and the two were clearly close at hand, but they were like thousands of miles away.
In a marriage with aphasia, there is a growing suspicion and uneasiness under the quiet surface.
These negative emotions lick your love day and night until it breaks.
"Old wife and wife" is probably the biggest excuse for this marriage.
Many people always think that they will live well after marriage, why bother to pursue this form of things.
But to live well, it is precisely the need for a healthy communication relationship between husband and wife.
If two people are together, there is no basic interaction. I don't know how you work, and it doesn't go well. You don't know what I saw and what I heard.
Face-to-face with husband and wife is like a passer-by who meets passer-by B. When he is born, he will become a joint renter. How long can he endure this life without a taste?
Marriage is not the grave of love, but your silence will bury love.
Many marriages eventually ruined. In fact, they did not have the fierce impact of derailment, poverty, and domestic violence.
Their collapse often comes from the indifference of one side, beginning with a subtle crack and quietly expanding.
Indifference is an unprincipled negative that slowly transforms into cold violence in long-term silence.
According to the definition of psychoanalyst Mary Irigoy:
Cold violence is a kind of violence. Its manifestations mainly include coldness, contempt, laissez-faire, alienation, and indifference, causing the mental and psychological damage and harm of others.
Knowing that there was a post about his wife’s derailment after cold violence caused controversy.
The subject said that he and his husband had been married for many years, and they could not speak for ten days and a half under the same roof.
The two have never quarreled, because no matter what she said that her husband is silent, whether it is right or wrong, she will always talk to herself about the air, and her husband chooses to sleep.
As for the next day, it must be a cold war. She does not open her husband, and her husband will never come to her.
In the eyes of her husband, she is like a worthy mention, even if she has been tortured to hysterical, her husband is still the stranger of "independence."
After she met a warm and caring man, she quickly betrayed her marriage.
Many people accuse her of derailing, but ignore one point: if people's demands are not met for a long time, there will be problems.
The famous Maslow's hierarchy of needs states that human needs for love and belonging are the most basic needs, the most important ones, and the most important manifestation of spiritual needs.
Cold violence in the family artificially cuts off communication channels, refuses to receive all signals of expression and expression, and discourages the individual's need for love and belonging.
The appeals that are not responded will gradually cool down, and in the indifference of day after day, people are completely wrapped in despair.
When you talk to him, he is selectively deaf. You share the story. When the spam is automatically filtered, all the communication signals you send are blocked by him.
He doesn't care about your emotions, sorrows and sorrows, he doesn't respond to any needs and contact. He is like a cold wall, isolating your whole person from your own world, and tormenting your patience in marriage in a cruel and slow way.
The indifference of turning a blind eye can really drive a person crazy.
You become irritated, irritated, or respond to him with indifference, indifferent to all things, and the feelings between two people over time become disgusting mutual drag.
The essence of marriage is the mutual input of two emotions for a long time.
Even if this single-arrowed feeling is hot, it will cool after hitting the wall countless times.
Teacher He Wei once said:
The most important thing about intimacy is not appearance, not bread, not even loyalty, but sharing. If you don't share, the two will be like strangers under the same roof.
Many people say that I don't want to talk, but I don't want to quarrel. Two people quarrel and hurt.
However, when two people always disagree, they will quarrel because their thoughts have not been communicated to the other party, so they are eager to express and there will be friction.
In Mango’s "New Birthday", Li Ai and her husband Zhang Xuning are still in love for ten years, and the two usually have a lot of quarrels.
When a dispute arises, Zhang Xuning will choose to calm down and try to resolve the conflict before going to bed.
Li Ai chose to send a "small paper" debate to her husband.
No matter what kind of contradiction, they did not choose to avoid, nor did they ignore the other party's willingness to communicate, but tried to understand each other in their own way and convey their thoughts to each other.
Looking at many failed marriages, you will find that the first disappointment is often the one who shouts loudest.
Because I can't get a response, I become hysterical. After being calmed down, I will be the first to let go.
In marriage, people who are often quarreling are still trying to save and retain, and people who are not talking have begun to pack their bags and leave.
I am not encouraging everyone to quarrel. I want to say that instead of letting the marriage linger in the dead silence, it is better to try to communicate with the other party. Even if the method is not quarreling, it is more temperature than the jaw.
And if you don't have the idea of communication from the beginning, turn a blind eye to the other's needs, and use silence to deal with all the contradictions, you have already given up the marriage business. Perhaps in the rice and oil, love will gradually become dull.
But it should never be seen and disgusted. A healthy marriage should not be "all in the mouth," but "there is an oath in the word."
Don't let your marriage enter the late stage of aphasia, because the most worthy of sharing your life is your lover.