Unless you're the only child in the family, you probably know this feeling, whether you're the oldest or the youngest. Sharing a mother with someone else is not easy. And when a child is also required to love the "opponent", to share their toys, get instead of an entire apple only half, it becomes for many (and even for all) kids just impossible task. The only way to save the situation is to lead adults in the right way. As a child, I was the eldest of 3 children and still remember my feeling of deprivation when my sister was born. And by the way, it was only in adolescence. The most interesting thing is that I did not have such feelings for the youngest (brother), and I felt like his mother. Maybe the difference between the sexes or, as she said, a mother with many children "the problem of jealousy of the eldest daughter to the second son was solved by the third child.
Therefore, when we were waiting for the second child, even before his birth, I started looking for models of parental behavior that would help the older child to adapt to the new situation. After the birth of the youngest, all the theoretical luggage had to be adjusted to our specific situation. After some time, I realized that our efforts are bearing fruit, the situation began to change for the better. Before we talk about any techniques, I want to note that children's jealousy can be expressed in very different ways. The most widespread and noticeable manifestations of it are aggression to the younger and (or) parents; whims; ... diseases. This is because we inspire children not to love the younger one and they have to hide their feelings from us. Also, very often he or she simply cannot express in words what they feel. They are left alone with their feelings, parents are busy younger, and somehow they start to attract our attention ... Very often jealousy is expressed in the fact that the child gets sick. A common manifestation of jealousy is coughing. It can even develop into asthma. As soon as the child starts to feel unhappy, it starts with a stupefying cough. In our situation, this is a manifestation of this condition - conjunctivitis. As we know, all our diseases, first of all, reflect our inner moral state. Certain thoughts can cause certain diseases. So, patients with conjunctivitis, a metaphysical explanation of the disease may be anger and confusion. When I learned this, I realized that it was all about us.
The child is confused, he does not know how to live, his life has changed everything. No one helped us. Only time and our constant work on changing the situation could have helped us.
Now let's talk about different methods that help the child to adapt to the new life for him:
1. About the fact that there will be an increase in the family to start talking as early as possible, but it is not necessary to focus on this very much. It is very useful to tell your baby how his brother grows in his mother's tummy and to tell about how he grew up himself. Show pictures of your mother when she wore it herself. All stories should be parallel - if you let your child touch your mother's stomach and listen to your brother pushing, tell him about how he pushed himself. A very common mistake is to say, "Here's your brother to be born and you'll be playing with him. The child perceives everything literally. And very surprised that the younger brother is busy with anything, but not games. All stories about the future should be as truthful as possible. I must say that the brother is born a little and nothing will be able to do, that he will cry, a lot of sleep. That it will be necessary to teach him to sit, walk, talk. And only then will he be able to play with you.
2. If somethings go from the elder to the younger "by inheritance" it is also desirable to discuss in advance. Our mistake was that one day we wrapped the younger ones in the blanket of the elder and took a walk. The natural action of the child was: "This is my blanket! It was a lesson. We agreed with all the other things in advance, bought a replacement from the senior (we chose, of course, together) or just explained that you do not need it anymore, but it is necessary for your brother. But we used only after permission to take them.
3. Problem with relatives. It should also be discussed before birth. It is necessary to organize the life in such a way that the elder all the time (at least at first time) was busy with one of the adults. The ideal variant is daddy. The most ideal option is for the mother to spend time with the older child every day. For example, to walk with him (only with him) for an hour or read, play, etc. But for the older child to know that every day, at least an hour, the mother is at his disposal. A special problem of my grandmother is that they coo over the little one so much that even for me - the mother of this little boy became hurt for the elder one.