WHY DO PEOPLE CRITICIZE EACH OTHER?
One of the most important laws of communication between people is that when communicating with a partner, we must remember that we communicate with a person who thinks well of himself. A good opinion of ourselves is the foundation upon which our "I" stands.
Now let me ask you: What is really criticism? Criticism is the blow of a heavy hammer (or hammer, depending on the degree of severity) on this very foundation.
And who, tell me, will like it?
Jules Renard said:
"All our criticism comes down to reproaching your neighbour for not possessing the virtues we attribute to ourselves.
But the opinion of the American satirist Ambrose Bears:
"Criticism is an annoyance at another person for doing something wrong, as we could have done. If, of course, we could.
In short, criticism is often not only unpleasant but also unfair. But we, both you and I, do this ugly thing every day and even for an hour. So, we make money for ourselves in the flat place of our enemies and quarrel with our friends and get offended and hurt each other...
That is why the first rule of dealing with people is: do not criticize!
"I will not criticize anyone, but I will say all the good things I know about everyone," said Benjamin Franklin.
Everyone has a better side as well as a worse one. And wisdom tells us to approach people at their best.
THE SECRET OF A RUSSIAN TRAINER
In ancient China, it was believed that "the best teacher is not the one who eliminates shortcomings, but the one who develops virtues". The famous Russian trainer Vladimir Durov never shouted at his wards and - imagine! - never beat or punish.
His method of training was based only on positive reinforcement. And this approach gave fantastic results. During Durov's performance, the audience could clearly see this. For example, when the beasts of other animal trainers, performing certain tricks, all the time snapped or did it only their fear of getting hit with a stick or a whip, the wards of Durov did everything without any threats and with great enthusiasm.
One day, one of the journalists, who had been to the circus for a performance by Durov, asked the trainer:
"Tell me, what is the secret here? Why are your beasts out of their depths just to please you?
In response, he heard:
"Perhaps the secret is that I treat my animals as if they were not pigs, geese, dogs, but people. And not some impersonal individuals, but my closest friends and associates.
"I'm sorry, don't you understand? - A journalist shrugged his shoulders bewildered.
"I just love them. And they answer me in the same way," Durov explained briefly.
You can achieve more with a gingerbread than with a whip. In one of the experiments, three groups of laboratory rats were teaching various tricks - spinning the wheel, choosing the right figure, climbing the rope, etc.
The first group was trained using only one educational method - punishment.
The second group - with the help of both "stick" and "gingerbread".
The third group - only with the help of various incentives.
It should be added that the tutors were the same people.
And here's the result for you.
The first group needed, on average, about 30 days to learn the necessary skills.
The second group - about 16.
And the third group, the one whose education was supported by tasty food and other incentives (for example, toys), was enough 14 days.
The conclusion can be made by itself.
It is clear that a person is not a laboratory rat. But at similar techniques, results of any education or psychological influence on people, it seems to me, will be if not identical, more or less similar.
Remember how they educate future champions? Shouting, criticizing and kicking?
No, on the contrary: by encouraging and strengthening the young athlete's consciousness and qualities of a winner.
Only losers are brought up with necklaces and criticism.
To be continued in the next part "What's a "gingerbread" better than a "whip"? (Part 2)"