Who am I? Is that what I wanted? Am I happy with myself? What have I been doing all my life? What do I do next? These and similar questions can signal that you are in a midlife crisis. Part of life is over: we can take stock. Part of life is still ahead: you can set new goals. Unfortunately, a lot of people are going through such a crisis, but it can be reduced to "no" and even more: a midlife crisis can be a catalyst for your personal growth. What to do this, you will learn from this article.
A midlife crisis - what is it?
First of all, let's look at what a midlife crisis is, what causes it and what its symptoms are.
Gail Chihihi writes the following in her book Age Crises: "At thirty-five, we are at a crossroads. Having reached the middle of our lives, we see where it ends. Time begins to shorten. Loss of youth, loss of physical strength, change of habitual roles - any of these moments can give the transition a character of crisis. Age between thirty-five and forty-five years is a time of danger and opportunity. We can rethink the benchmarks against which we assessed our own personality in the first half of our lives, and those of us who take advantage of this opportunity will seek the truth.
The main thing is not to close your eyes to your experiences. If you feel an inner conflict, do not ignore it, but accept it. You can cope with it and become more perfect. But this is only if you start to work to overcome the crisis, and do not try to forget and escape from your anxiety.
It is important to note that a midlife crisis is not something neurotic: it is an absolutely normal period of life. It should also be noted that not all people are faced with this crisis, some are moving to the next stage of development as if "bypassing". And this is also normal.
But those who do experience a midlife crisis can observe the following (not necessarily all, but many) symptoms:
Depression, depression, anxiety, anguish and desolation. Emotionally, this period of life is often difficult.
An identity crisis. There are difficulties with self-determination. Who am I? A top manager, husband, father or someone else? I want to find myself in this world.
A feeling of lack of freedom and cornered. Marriage, work, etc., impose their obligations and restrictions, which in times of midlife crisis can be perceived as prison shackles.
Sense that life is unfair, self-pity. Why am I so unlucky? How many times can I try if nothing comes out?
It feels like you're not living your life.
Loss of interest, apathy. What used to cause a storm of emotion is no longer inspiring.
Overrated values. As we age, our orientations change, and the period under discussion can be called a real turning point in this process.
Abandoning past achievements. This is precisely due to the overestimation of values. Things that previously seemed to be extremely important lose their meaning.
A sense of lost time. The years that have passed cannot be brought back, and if they are devalued, they will seem to have been wasted.
Since life in a middle-aged crisis is no longer satisfying, there is a desire to do something radical: change the sphere of activity, divorce, throw everything away and go around the world, etc.
And even if a person does not dare to take such a decisive step, his behavior becomes more eccentric anyway, he begins to behave in an unusual way and do something he did not do before.
In addition to all of the above, in 35-45 there is a deterioration of physical condition: wrinkles and excess weight appear, hair grays or fall out, the forces are not the same and endurance is reduced. Of course, this can not be avoided and it is not a symptom in itself, but such age changes, of course, do not please and give rise to new experiences.
What to do?
You have already understood what a midlife crisis is, and now let's discuss what to do so that it does not lead you to severe depression and deplorable consequences, but to progress and development of personality:
Change yourself and your life gradually. If you are convinced that something needs to change, start to change, but do it wisely. Before you quit, find another job and make sure you really like it. Before filing for divorce, think about whether you can restore your relationship and start enjoying it again. You will most likely always have time to change, but you will not always have the opportunity to make a reverse move.
Do not trust your emotions. If you feel like a worthless loser, by the hands and feet bound by obligations, it is not a fact that this is really the case. Your feelings are acute, you exaggerate a lot. Try to calm down, relax and evaluate your past and present impartially.
Don't be too hard on yourself, get rid of perfectionism. You will never reach your ideal: as soon as you achieve something, your demands will increase. Think about it: maybe it's not that bad.
Do not live in the past. Perhaps you have made a lot of mistakes, missed a lot of opportunities, and you really have something to regret. But is it worth doing? The past cannot be changed, but it can be made to stop poisoning the present. Take lessons from your failures and accept them. Accept your past, whatever it is, and don't blame yourself.
Many years are over, but you still have plenty of time left. You still have a lot of time, don't forget about it.
Make a sober overestimation of the values. What is really important for you today? What changes entail new values, if any?
Remember that crisis is experienced by many people, that it is natural and that it will not last forever. It may be difficult for you now, but if you don't get scared and listen to yourself, your suffering will pay off.
Be conscious. During a midlife crisis, people think a lot about the past and the future, but of course, do not fall out of the current moment.
Do not burn out. If you feel that it is hard for you, take a short time out. Holiday, a weekend trip to the countryside or a ten-minute meditation - anything. If you take your mind off things for a little while, the world won't fall apart. Love and take care of yourself.
On this note, you should end it. Whatever you encounter during a midlife crisis, don't beat yourself up and try to work constructively to overcome it. You know what to do.
We wish you success!