part 10
It's raining outside the window. On the nightstand by the bedside, there are white asters in a vase. Morning is getting closer, four in the morning on the clock. I'm lying in bed in Eric's arms.
I still can't believe this is happening to me.
I can't believe we were strangers a year ago.
I can't believe I couldn't help but meet him.
I now clearly understand that everything happens for the best in the world.
Eric opens his eyes gently.
- Are you awake, Christine?
- No... (laughs)
We whisper. Not to ruin the night...
We share the night between two - what boldness!
Eric uses his cool fingers gently over my collarbone.
- You'll forgive Eric for...
He doesn't talk, but I know what he's talking about.
- Forgive? What nonsense are you talking about... Eric, you had every right to make me your own for a long time... Remember? We swore we'd be at the altar together. Always... in everything.
- Eric didn't want to hurt Christine. I never wanted to...
I intertwine his fingers with mine.
- It was a holy pain. It was supposed to be like this.
He's smiling with uncertainty.
- Does all this mean something to you?
Nodding.
- More than it seems.
The rain outside the windows is subsiding.
- Eric... I want to say for so long... All that's going on between us is... it's so right. I've been dreaming about this for a very long time... about such trust, about tenderness and warmth... You give me a lot of things. True... everything that happened this year... It's really important for both of us. I know.
He smiles shyly.
I look into his golden eyes.
We can defeat the whole world.
- Christine, Eric... я... I want to tell you something too. Я... I love you. More than anything else in my life.
I am silent.
He never gave me a reason to doubt his feelings.
He loved me as much as he could. He was... He was with me for so long and so little at the same time.
And I... I could never say the most important words to him.
The clouds in the sky dissipate, and the gray haze is replaced by pre-dawn clouds.
I want to meet new and new dawn with you.
Echoing in my head.
- I have an idea. Get dressed...
I throw a peignoir on the naked body and hurry to myself.
* * *
- Where are you taking Eric? - we're rambling down the road, and the man looks stunned enough.
- I want to show you something...
After a quarter of an hour, we go out on the hill.
I'm spreading out the plaid that I've taken care of, and I'm sitting next to Eric on it.
- Look there," I point to the east with my hand, and at that moment a giant fireball is crawling out of the horizon.
The first dawn rays touch our faces, and I gently remove the mask from Eric. The man does not resist. I think he is even more fascinated this morning than I am.
- Eric... я... I love you.
That's all.
There is no going back.
Eric looked me excitedly in the eyes, and the focused look on my face was replaced by a joyful one.
He must have read the answers to all his questions in my eyes.
He pressed me against him.
- Eric... I know how to name the symphony I'm writing now... "A new life... the life you gave me, Christine. A real-life...
I smile.
Sometimes it is possible to help someone else to turn to the light.
I know that we have a really new life ahead of us: full of difficulties, but beautiful.
Now I know we can do it.
Not him and not me - we are.
And that's why I am cuddling myself even harder to him.
We will meet many more happy dawns...
A life-giving experience
You're an agonizing fusion,
And between the hints of beauty
No more subtle and volatile...
In the desert of the world of the squeaky-burning,
Where the world is a mirage, you fell in love
In the unresolved ambiguity
And restless flowers.
Unfeelible and invisible,
You're torturing us, you idolatrous,
In the openings, pale through,
So incoherent, so thoughtless,
What, by loving you, you can't
It's crazy not to love you.