People need affection and commitment to create a sense of security and positive self-esteem. The form of these relationships depends largely on how happy you are. But not all forms of attachment are appropriate or even healthy. Some of them, instead of building trust, cause negative emotions or misfortune.
Types of attachment in relationships
Do you know what kind of affection you two have in common?
In today's article we invite you to plunge into this interesting component of human relationships.
Anxious or insecure attachment
We will provide you with a simple example to help you understand attachment that causes anxiety or uncertainty.
You have a business dinner with colleagues. You haven't even reached the restaurant when you suddenly start receiving messages from your partner. You may have been looking forward to this dinner to meet your colleagues, but it hasn't even been an hour since your partner started to get nervous.
Does he want to know who you are with, or do you already miss him, wouldn't you rather be home instead?
Gradually you will start trying to dispel his anxiety and fears, to refute the distrust.
Almost certainly you know about this kind of affection. But you should also be aware of the qualities that such people often demonstrate: They need constant proof of your love.
It even reaches the point where you are, in fact, forced to show that you still care about them. Sometimes even sex seems to be a manifestation of "property rights" instead of true love. They pay a lot of attention to how you react. They worry about minor details, imagining something bad that will happen in a relationship, or you are going to leave them. Their mood changes quickly. Sometimes you are the best thing in life, when suddenly they become apathetic or distrustful, as if you did something wrong. Emotional manipulation is used as an elegant and effective weapon. They get what they want, through blackmail or ultimatums, even play the role of a victim in order to get what they want. You have to be careful with such people.
Remote or cold attachment
People with this type of attachment treat relationships differently than others.
They do not require intimacy, and their needs for privacy and other emotional requirements are not expressed. This does not mean that they do not love you, but their way of being and expressing themselves does not coincide with yours.
Lack of love and affection can cause a lot of suffering in a couple.
The general aspects deserve attention?
They do not know what to do with the emotions of the partner. They do not empathize and are not able to identify the likely needs of the partner. They always need space, both physical and personal. If you cross the line and infringe on that need, they may become angry, offended and even feel betrayed, as if you had intentionally interfered with their privacy.
At the same time, they do not pay attention to your suffering at all. They often prefer to be alone. Thus, they can avoid serious obligations and have only casual meetings. Despite the fact that they seem cold, it does not mean that they do not have emotional needs.
Instead, they just hide them. These people usually have their own idea of what the relationship should be like. They can even have a full concept of their "ideal partner". But this is an ideal that no one can achieve, which again only causes a lot of pain.
Reliable attachment
People whose relationships are built on secure attachment are more emotionally stable and receive more from these relationships. But what is the secret? What creates this secure bond?
This kind of attachment is based on mutual trust. A mature, balanced and self-confident person is not afraid of responsibility and builds a future with a loved one. There is no jealousy or suspicion. Nobody tries to control because relationships are built on trust.
Of course, you need your own personal space, but you recognize that the partner also needs it.
You respect the other person's need for space, as well as intimacy, and understand the importance of working in a team. You can enter into a dialogue and treat arguments with respect. You understand that all relationships are different, but you try to give in to the need to be right and build bridges to reach agreements democratically.
There is no manipulation or self-love. You listen to each other, don't lose trust and don't worry about disagreements every day, but care about the person you love.
And at the end, remember that a healthy relationship is built on a strong attachment pair, but in practice the relationship has certain features of all three types.
For example, it's not always bad to be jealous in some cases. Sometimes we need more personal and physical space just to be alone. But I would like a relationship - say, 80% - to show signs of reliable attachment.
The rest can be other extremes.
So now you can tell us why you love us? And how does your partner love you in return?