Divorce is worse than the death of a loved one. Divorce of spouses with children experiences more than a childless couple. To the difficult divorce process joins the need to calm the children, to pretend that nothing terrible has happened. After the divorce it is necessary to support children in new conditions for it. The child does not understand why parents suddenly began to live separately. He should, as before, feel the constant and sustainable support of parents. But, parents often make unfortunate mistakes in the upbringing of the child after the divorce.
How to help a child survive a divorce.
Forget the grudges.
It's not easy for ex-wives to stay calm. They still remember the resentment, as they used to think of each other as family, not outsiders. Perhaps they secretly continue to love their other half. Every meeting they have begins with the clarification of the relationship. Sometimes with insults and crying. The child has a stronger sense of family breakdown. He or she becomes anxious, secretive, or even depressed.
It is necessary to quickly establish a new life after the divorce, at least for the neighbors. The parent should do everything as before. Check the lessons, if he previously checked them. Read a book before going to bed, make them clean up their toys or go to the shop for bread. It is necessary to assure the child that though Dad and Mom live separately now, but they both love him and will always come to his aid.
Complaint to relatives
The parent feels offended and appeals for sympathy to people he knows, of course, to those who support him. Compassion only makes the situation worse, not easier. Two people will understand each other faster than two camps.
Parents of spouses actively condemn former relatives, considering them the reason for divorce. Sometimes they scold them harshly and loudly, forgetting about the presence of the child. They don't want to think about what he thinks at that moment, they don't want to feel sorry for his nerves. The child cannot understand the reason for such a sudden change. Previously, they told me to love and respect him, but now they are scolding him.
The new half
The situation worsens when one of the spouses has a second half. Now there is another person in the family quarrel. He is jealous of the past, feels guilty in front of the child and is not satisfied with his presence in his home. He interferes with the newly created family. Conflicts occur with the new dad or with the new mom. Children also have conflicts with the newly formed couple. But if you don't focus on it, the children will soon understand each other, because they are in the same situation.
Maintaining stability
Sometimes a parent thinks a child is an orphan and tries to replace the deceased spouse. They buy him twice as many gifts or punish him twice as often.
Sometimes he is surrounded by overprotective care.
Or in search of a new half, leaves the baby to his grandparents.
Tells the child badly about the ex-wife. He cries and shouts, looking for sympathy.
Nothing of this should be done. The child needs stability. Any changes put a heavy burden on his shoulders.
Ex-husband (spouse)
When spouses can't forgive each other's past wrongs after a divorce. They try to turn the child against the former spouse. They believe that the child should know the truth. The child still loves Daddy and Mom, and it is hard for him to listen to the nasty things about them. He doesn't believe either parent anymore. In order not to inflict additional trauma on the child, it is necessary to refrain from insults. When you hear the abuse, you don't have to make excuses, but rather pretend that nothing happened. This way, the child and his passions will calm down faster.
Communicating with a coming child
It's hard for a new wife or new husband to get along with his stepson or stepdaughter. A child defending his or her parent may claim that he or she is more beautiful, smarter, and better at cooking. Listening to a stepdaughter or stepson does not bring pleasure.
One should treat such statements calmly. This is said by an offended child in a difficult period of his life. It is not necessary to refute his statements. It is better to endure unpleasant words and agree with him neutrally. You can pretend that nothing unpleasant has happened.
Birth of a baby
The situation is complicated when a baby is born together. In this case, the attention of the older child should not be overlooked. He will be very worried, not less than after the divorce. He or she will feel alien if both Dad and Mom have new children. It is necessary to involve the older child in the birth of the child. Ask him for advice on how to equip the children's room? To advise to teach the kid to fold the pyramid. But not every day not to get tired of talking to the older child. Let the child understand and believe that the birth of the baby will not make him worse. He will still be loved in the family.
After the divorce, the life of the woman and the man continues. And the child should not be forgotten. The divorce should disturb him as little as possible. It is the duty of the parents.