Where you are different from your mother is valuable.Because you have introspection.Introspection is not easy,it is sometimes painful, but this is the opportunity to change.
Positive psychologist Jonathan Haidt has used an interesting analogy to describe the relationship between two egos.He said: the human emotional side is like an elephant, and the rational side is like a riding elephant man.The Elephant Man was riding on the back of the elephant, holding the reins in his hands, as if he were commanding the elephant, but in fact, his power was insignificant.Once the conflict with the elephant, he wants to go to the left, and the elephant wants to go to the right, that he is usually not the elephant.
For change, reason provides direction, and emotion provides motivation.The more we feel threatened and anxious, the more we need control, and the more we hold on to what we already have.And out of the comfort zone means that you put down the original use of the weapon to deal with anxiety, to face the anxiety, looking for new ways to adapt, this is the elephant emotion is very difficult to endure.So, the need for a sense of control and a sense of focus often brings the elephant back to its familiar ways of coping, which is why change is so difficult.In the process of change, you will look forward and look back, see things often will be different.Looking forward, you will see difficulties, looking back, you will see methods and paths.When you assume that good results have occurred, looking back, you actually have bypassed the elephant defense mechanism.
It is not about results, it is about action here and now.Its central idea was the idea of the ancient Stoics: "try to control what you can control, and accept what you can not control."
The emotional elephant is sensitive to the "field", he always feels the"field" clues than the rational, and follow the behavior clues.The more behavioral clues the environment contains,the greater the power of the field.Because the "field" is different, in some places you will work hard, and in other places you will burn out; in some places you will be silent, and in other places you will talk.
In consumer happiness, you consume products created by others, satisfying the surface of sensory stimulation, and in the creative happiness, you create your own products.You work hard in your talent.In the process, you will experience a deep sense of accomplishment, a feeling that you are getting better.
Where is the difficulty?Hard to endure.As long as people have anxiety, always want to change.However, adversity is the norm in life, sometimes we need to endure the bad situation, even if temporarily can not see hope.Maybe you will see those around the real effort, they have a goal in mind to achieve, but in fact they are not so concerned about their efforts to not work this thing.They will put all their attention on things and they just want to get things done.At this time, the effort is an autonomous and spontaneous state, a by-product of the creation activity.
No one is an island, can be self-sufficient.Everyone is a piece of the continent, the whole piece.
If you expect another person, do not ask him in words, but do as you expect him to.The premise, of course, is that you sincerely believe that he has the side you expect.The power of expectation is great.
In another case, the parents are very love children, this time one of the parents will often in the name of the child to the other side of the request: daughter said how to how, this is good for the daughter.The other side has no way to refute it.At this time, the child will be referred to a high position, became the source of parental power.The daughter will also be very careful, worried that their words will become the source of parental conflict.This is also a kind of triangulation.
But the truth is the same: how in the emotional entanglement, to distinguish what is our own things, and to do their own things well.Subject separation is not conditional.If we have to do what others do first, we can do what we do, then that is not the subject of separation.
An independent person, is a psychologically real weaning man.When he was in trouble, when he was in a bad mood, he no longer had the“natural”expectation of relatives, friends and colleagues.Of course, he can help, this is his own project, but he also knows that others do not help him, this is the subject of others.From the day of independence, he had lost his footing and his reasons for complaining.Of course, he doesn't need to be“beholden”to other people's emotions, because that's also the subject of others.How can an independent person not be lonely?Loneliness may be some kind of truth in life.In the end, in this world, No one can fully understand another person, and no one can completely responsible for the life of another person.
We always say, this is my family, my lovers,my kids, my best friends."Mine" means, as if we had someone.Possession is the biggest hallucination in interpersonal relationships, no one can have a person, we just meet each other on their own journeys.This encounter is long and short, eventually we will be separated, go their own way.
So, if you are ending a relationship, you can also remind yourself that what you have lost is not a perfect relationship, no matter how good you think of it.If the relationship itself has been fraught with boredom and conflict, who in fact raised the end, it does not matter.
So, how to accept the end?To take the loss, to mourn, to be lost, to cry, and then stubbornly believe that there will be a new future to grow from life, even if we can not see the future.
He said, Our House, wealth, social status;our glasses, hands, body;our relatives, children, friends; we cherish everything, not ours, including our own.They are just the fate of the goddess borrow US for a while.We have to keep them in good stead, like the pious, sacred custodians.But if the fate of the goddess one day to take them back, we will never disobey disobedience, but full of joy, without complaint said: Thank you for letting me have and keep it all.I have taken good care of it, and now I am returning it to you.
An independent person, is a psychologically real weaning man.When he was in trouble, when he was in a bad mood, he no longer had the“natural”expectation of relatives, friends and colleagues.Of course, he can help, this is his own project, but he also knows that others do not help him, this is the subject of others.From the day of independence, he had lost his footing and his reasons for complaining.Of course, he doesn't need to be“beholden”to other people's emotions, because that's also the subject of others.How can an independent person not be lonely?Loneliness may be some kind of truth in life.In the end, in this world, No one can fully understand another person, and no one can completely responsible for the life of another person.
We always say, this is my family, my lovers,my kids, my best friends."Mine" means, as if we had someone.Possession is the biggest hallucination in interpersonal relationships, no one can have a person, we just meet each other on their own journeys.This encounter is long and short, eventually we will be separated, go their own way.
So, if you are ending a relationship, you can also remind yourself that what you have lost is not a perfect relationship, no matter how good you think of it.If the relationship itself has been fraught with boredom and conflict, who in fact raised the end, it does not matter.
So, how to accept the end?To take the loss, to mourn, to be lost, to cry, and then stubbornly believe that there will be a new future to grow from life, even if we can not see the future.
He said, Our House, wealth, social status;our glasses, hands, body;our relatives, children, friends; we cherish everything, not ours, including our own.They are just the fate of the goddess borrow US for a while.We have to keep them in good stead, like the pious, sacred custodians.But if the fate of the goddess one day to take them back, we will never disobey disobedience, but full of joy, without complaint said: Thank you for letting me have and keep it all.I have taken good care of it, and now I am returning it to you.
There are 0 people to reward.