part 4
The next day, Eric locks himself in and does not respond to my attempts to feed him, or at least just to get through.
I'm worried about that. I feel like I've hit him with something, but I don't even have a clue what. It's very stuffy outdoors, the sun is blazing; the air is immovable, but I don't like the lull.
The next day, Eric locks himself in and does not respond to my attempts to feed him, or at least just to get through.s herald a storm.
Heavy clouds are pulling up outside the windows, and I run around the house and close the windows. I take off the clothes from the rope in the garden and take it to the house, and I go out with a cup of tea on the porch.
I'm wearing a strict grey dress, or rather, it would have been if it hadn't been embroidered with silver threads. I feel like I look like a little cloud: I'm amazingly fitting into the atmosphere of the garden now.
Suddenly, a desperate chord comes out of the house, and at the same time, the intense sky breaks through the rain.
I don't remember such a downpour for a long time.
I hurry to get out of the house and close the door.
Outside the windows is a real natural disaster and in time of lightning and thunder music howls.
Suddenly it fades away, and my heart is wrapped in anxiety: the thunderstorm is only approaching our house, and it's too early for Eric to shut up if he decides to accompany the thunderstorm.
I'm going upstairs cautiously.
Eric walks around the room: I hear his restless, almost painfully tense steps. I have a wild desire to break into his room, but he suddenly opens the door.
His hands are shaking.
- Christine... Eric wasn't expecting you now... but come in, come in!
I walk in, covering the door behind me.
What's wrong with him? Why is he shaking so much?
Our eyes meet, and I notice fear in my golden eyes.
The thunder rumbles sharply outside the window, and the room is illuminated by lightning. Eric shuddered and came a little closer to me as if looking for protection.
I look at him with surprise.
- Are you cold? Would you like some tea?
He nods shyly, and I'm in a hurry to get what I promised.
* * *
When I get back, Eric sits in the corner of the room with his eyes closed, clenched in a lump and his ears shut and shaking finely.
I sink next to him, putting the cup down on the table. I take my hands off his ears.
He doesn't look up to me.
- Eric... - my voice sounds very hoarse - what is wrong with you?
He's grabbing my hand hard, painfully.
- Eric... Eric is scared.
He almost cries.
I hold him against me, hugging him by the shoulders.
Strongly and firmly.
I will not let him go. Not now, not later.
His fear is irrational, and at that moment he is an inexperienced child.
Hot breath burns my neck.
I iron his back soothingly.
Poor, poor, poor...
He presses me like a kitten. I am powerless - I can't calm him down.
Close the curtains? I can't even get up, his icy fingers are holding me so tight.
I touch his hair gently.
I ruffle them and almost imperceptibly touch them with my lips.
- Christine... - Barely detectable from his lips. - Christine needs to stay... Christine needs Eric.
He sobs.
- Look at me - I can't stand it. - Eric, look me in the eyes.
He barely raises his head and looks at me, shoving his head in my shoulders, as if waiting for a blow.
- Have a drink... Here, have some tea," I move a cup of chamomile tea towards him. Must be soothing... - Just a couple of sips.
He keeps holding my hand but still drinks obediently. He doesn't ask any questions - he's still shaking.
- Eric," I whisper, "why are you afraid of a thunderstorm?
- Because... because Eric will die in a thunderstorm.
He squeezes those words out.
- Wh-wh-what? - I've never heard more nonsense.
- Mom says that Erica brought a thunderstorm... He's a creature of darkness, a monster... and one day the thunderstorm will take him away, and Mom will be happy.
He is not himself.
His eyes are burning with totally insane fire, he's shaking, and the worst part is that I don't know how to get through this madness to my teacher's mind.
- Eric," I'm not quite sure I'm saying the right thing now, "you're not a monster. You are my husband, and I am against your death. Your mother's words are nonsense to hurt you. That's all it is. That is not true.
I make him stand on his feet and get to bed. I sit down and look into these strange eyes with anxiety.
- Mom shouldn't be mad at Eric... Mom has to forgive him - he suddenly looks absolutely stunned at me, letting go of my hand. I'm shocked to see him.
He sees me as his mother...
Oh, my God!
I jump up and run to my place, ignoring his hysterical "mom! I come back with a glass of water and a sleeping pill.
- Mom, mom... You came back... - he reaches out to me with tears in his eyes.
- Mom's back," I make him drink the powder. I don't know what I'm saying myself - my mother is not going anywhere.
I hope that a forced sleep without dreams will help his mind rest.
The thunderstorm slowly subsides.
Eric's eyes close, and he falls on his side on a blanket. I gently take off his shoes and cover him with a blanket. I take off my mask.
What was that?
Why did Eric see me as his mother? What was she doing to him that his reaction was so wild?
I have thousands of questions.
I'm sitting next to him.
Eric was never normal, but today I was really scared.
I hope everyone . Eric was never normal, but I was really scared today.
I hope this is all just an isolated incident.
Although that's ridiculous... It's going to happen again with every thunderstorm.
Fear is very difficult to eradicate.
It is almost impossible, to be honest.
But still... It's Eric.
I want to help him.
* * *
I'm spending the night at his bedside. He sleeps, turns around restlessly, but doesn't wake up. Sometimes I start sleeping near him, but I open my eyes almost immediately.
I am full of fear.
I need to understand the reasons for everything...I feel like a dream is taking over me.
I close my eyes.
Lying next to me.
I will definitely think of something.
to be continued...