1. Many consider themselves introverts, but they were not always introverts. Only in childhood did they try to share with their mother and their secrets and then they found out that they didn’t hear anything (heard), didn’t miss it. Everywhere is the habit of spending everything on ourselves and convincing ourselves that they are, and their problems, more so - no one needs.
2. The sense of safety that a child should receive in children is the very main condition of his future mental health and life without neuroses.But what kind of safety can a speech go if the parents are inextricably aggressive or predictably negative? They always have everything bad.
Atmosphere in the family - waiting for the catastrophe. Right now, something must happen. If you fall, you will break it, you will leave it, you will die from infection, “you will save it by the cam, you will dissolve it by the flash”, but you will not shut it down. Here they are - "small" consumptions! Their reason is not necessary in a hot iron or incest.
Negative remarks pretend to be deeper because they are constantly repeated. You know, this is European torture - a hole, the hardships, and this Chinese one, when an immobile person, for example, is tickled by the flash as he doesn’t need to. Here is the same difference.
3. A large part of the loss lasts from 3 to 5 years.
4. One-time psycho-traumas - this is when: the child was left in a dark room and he was frightened; He threw boiling water on himself; mom and dad divorced; grandmothers and other ordinary everyday stories are buried, including violence - mental, physical, sexual.
5. There are repeated inconveniences, when a child lives among neurotics, every day they suffer or behave aggressively, inevitably, inappropriately, etc.
6. All children are equally responsive. In one child, the psyche can be more secure, in the other, it can be relaxed. Also, serious tragedy does not leave a trace, but for the rest of his life, the kitten has traumatized him.
Once I had a chance to explain to a 7-year-old child that such a divorce was to help her cope with the emotional. I say:
- What class are you studying in?
- In the first place.
“Do any of the girls like you?”
- Yes. Liza.
- Did you go to the children's garden?
“Did you meet Lisa there?”
- No, there was Lena there.
- And where is she now?
- I’ll explain to you! I’m already in school, how do I know where Lena is?
- Here. And dad has to live your whole life with your mother, so what?
And then he stopped crying, stopped talking, went to the parents who were waiting in the corridor and said: I understood everything, let's go ...
7. Stability, comfort, confidence - this is what children should receive from their parents in the first place. If the parents behave aggressively, humiliate, criticize the child, then in him, naturally, he is disturbed by the whole life and people. I have one friend who says a little: people don’t move. It selects a dog, a kitten, And it is clear why: the animals didn’t give it up, and the dad didn’t.
8. A lot of people suffer from communicative problems: they have to go to a friend, to say something, to bring their thoughts and emotion and, as a result, it is difficult to realize it. And why? And because they already approached in 4 years to a drunk mother, and that unambiguously expressed itself and at the same time, in connection with the child’s ward, and by the way. And she did it many times. Now the boy is 30, and it is clear that he doesn’t even have any thoughts of trusting communication with anyone.
9. The first psychological disorder forms a sense of fear and anxiety that results in phobia, panicky attacks, and distrust of people.
10. If you take a complete family, but neurotic, and a family without a father, then, from a psychological point of view, the second is unequivocally preferred.
11. Yes, the roots of many come from childbirth. But parents, they are, there are. They grew up as much as they could. We don’t change them, change them for yourself!
- rewrite the childish script, grow out of it.
If you do not want your children to have psychotic problems, do so yourself so that you are not afraid, that you are predictable so that through you they feel a boost to live. If you are not far away, then you are accessible so that you could always call, share something, ask. And if the child tells you something, try not to interrupt him and not to give advice, but just listen.
12. If you:
- are incapable of trusting whoever it may be;
- Don't know how to express your feelings;
- emotionally suppressed (“I can’t fall in love”, “I don’t feel anything”);
- you can not be realized either in the family or in the profession;
- Do not want (or be afraid) to have children;
- you have a penchant for depression, etc.
- all of this may be the result of child psychiatric trauma.