The first tooth, the first word, the first step... Everything that happens to a person for the first time is colored brightly. That's the first love - a special, unique feeling. And if it comes to a teenager, it is a natural continuation of complex psychophysiological changes occurring to him. Adolescence is growing up, hormonal reorganization, and a thirst for independence. And it does not matter the tonality with which love penetrates the heart of a teenager - unrequited or mutual, happy or unhappy, open or secret. Memories of the first feeling, in any case, will remain bright, because this is the end of childhood - a time when the sun is dazzlingly bright and the ice cream is unusually tasty.
LOVE WILL Come to Us WITHOUT THE
Moment when your child falls in love. He has to choose: to open up the source of his spiritual tormentor to love "from afar", "quietly". There are brave teenagers, tuned for a favorable outcome of their recognition, perhaps catching the response signals from the object of their adoration. And then they immediately open themselves to the object of passion. But not any person, even an adult, what to say about yesterday's child, will find the courage to open his soul to a loved one. This can be from insecurity, natural shyness, a warehouse of character. And of course, from the fear of being rejected. For a teenager threat to mental balance is not only that he will not reciprocate, but also the fear of being exposed to public discussion, to become a source of ridicule or slander. And if this happens, there is an acute desire to disappear, to "evaporate". As a consequence, there is a danger of suicide. In such a situation, the participation of adults is important. Parents are better. But if no trusting relationship has been established with the father and mother, or if they do not consider the situation to be worthy of attention, another adult will be good too. Need a person who can speak on an equal footing, without rolling into edification or shukanye. Which will support in an acute emotional moment and offer a direction for sublimation (transfer of psycho-emotional energy in another direction): sports, creativity, enhanced learning. A psychologist, in particular, a school psychologist, is quite suitable for the role of such an adult. Love is secret (when it is impossible to trust your loved one) and love is unrequited, "unhappy" can become that traumatic factor that will negatively affect all life of the person, including at a choice of partners. But only if the teenager does not have an opportunity to "overdo" (suffer and get experience) this unhappy feeling in puberty age with sober adult support (parents / adequate adults/psychologist). For the same reason - the lack of an opportunity to "suffer", to get the necessary emotional experience - the negative is the lack of a sense of love in adolescence. Failure to be tormented, to think about another person is an inability to open up to another person, on the one hand, and to take responsibility for him/her, on the other hand. Let's not forget that teenage love is a springboard for readiness for emotional intimacy, for maturity in future relationships.
The opposite situation is mutual love. It would seem that what to discuss here? But even here there are some problems. The biggest for teenagers - it's an attempt on the part of parents to influence the situation. The most common option: parents, "wanting good" to their child, trying to protect him from the wrong choice, to prevent his suffering. The other extreme is not to take seriously the choice of the child, not to consider his feelings worthy of attention. Beaten up: "How many of them will you have - these Masha / Vitus?! It wouldn't hurt for parents to turn to their own experience, to remember that there were and will be no more such Masha/Vitas! Because she/he is the very first, bright, exciting, most memorable, meaningful love. It is quite possible that this love is just a love for the image that exists in a teenager's head and that has little in common with a specific person, endowed with cute features. But it is this image and feeling that he will carry through his life and will be with tenderness to remember through the years. One shouldn't ignore the fact that (seldom, but still it happens) families grow up in love with teenagers. Therefore, to devalue the experience of teenage love is extremely ungrateful. But to lose parental authority in the eyes of a teenager or at least undermine him with such actions is quite real. This is what adults often fear the most when discussing the topic of teenage love. There are different opinions on this subject. Some experts believe that teenagers are extremely interested in physical intimacy as a result of raging hormones - up to the substitution of the concept of "sex" with the word "love". Other psychologists claim that teenagers are not as interested in sex as the media question is. More precisely, they are certainly interested in this topic, but the interest, in this case, is not identical to the desire to immediately enter into a close relationship