Every fifth session with a new person concerns a topic that I can designate as a "healthy powerlessness zone" or "healthy powerlessness zone".
In earlier epochs, the mentality of people was such that almost all events were "compared" with the will of the gods and the course of destiny. "What is to be, what is to be, what is not to be avoided", said the knights and valiant wars, whose lives included the idea that on any coming day they could fall in a battle for their honor or the bright name of those whose interests they serve. "It will be what God wants" - the parents of a sick child were grieving, hoping and praying for their recovery, while the possibilities of medical care were very limited in relation to a wide range of diseases. "That's how it seems to be written in the family" - they judged the happiness and sorrows coming to one and passing by the others.
In these times, it was extremely difficult, and often impossible, to change the way of life, to improve the conditions of their existence. Little depended on one's own activity, much less than now. And since so much is already predetermined without the possibility of influencing it, people did not learn to feel their personal guilt, if they had something bad going on, and less often judged others for their failures and troubles.
To date, the opposite effect has been observed. We have become accustomed to the fact that almost everything can be influenced, and if something does not give in to our influence, it often causes indignation and even disbelief. And then the guilt is "what a fool I am and what a failure I am if I can't "deal" with the problem! In the name of not recognizing our powerlessness, we can do things that, with our minds and hearts, will not do any good. Just to postpone the conclusion of our helplessness in the current circumstances.
Experiencing powerlessness is now considered a shame. We blame ourselves when it comes to us, and we feel sorry for others if they fail to improve their plight, even though there are "so many opportunities" around them. And this applies even to those situations with regard to us or others, from which there is basically no beautiful way out. But the accusatory impulse with such trifles is not clear.
The alternative is to have ideas about the "healthy powerlessness zone".
Despite the huge number of things that can be influenced, there are things that cannot be influenced. And our task is to recognize such situations so as not to waste energy on them and not to engage in fruitless self-harassment.
Imagine, we have a certain power over the situation(s) at every moment of time. How easy and pleasant it is to believe this. Now it is a more unpleasant moment:
And the situation (circumstances) always has a certain influence on us.
Not to recognize the power of circumstances, not to study the properties of the forces influencing you - means to have even less influence on the situation than you could have. With what sign - positive or negative - the external and internal (irrational in us) reality presses, it is possible to understand on the condition*. If it is joyful or calm, the body is filled with energy, and desires arise easily - the pressure of the external and internal environment is positive. But it happens that it is impossible to detect these feelings, or they are overshadowed by negative moments - self-satisfaction, throwing feelings, apathy, poor body health, lack of strength, etc. In this case, it is important to study the sources and properties of the existing influence: either something bad is oppressed or something vital, good and nutritious, is lacking. This idea is based on the fact that we feel good if internal and external reality does not prevent it on the one hand and provides the minimum necessary - on the other hand*.
*This statement is true for most cases. But not for everyone.
There is a presumption of innocence (the one whose guilt is not proven is innocent), and I propose a presumption of powerlessness in the context of this topic:
If there is no reason to think that it is possible to influence a particular phenomenon in any way, it should be considered that it cannot be influenced.
Why would it be necessary to introduce such a presumption in practice? Why not consider, for example, that if it is not proven that an event cannot be influenced, then it should be considered suitable for improvement.
First, for the sake of productivity and personal effectiveness. Imagine that phenomenon X cannot actually be influenced by the current realities. And I really want to. Therefore, someone regularly makes attempts to influence, and forces are allocated to the occupation of the phenomenon X. There is no clear evidence that one day one can recognize that X cannot be influenced. That is, if someone does not use the presumption of powerlessness, he or she can spend the rest of his or her life on one or more phenomena that will not "move from one place to another" for years.
To be continued... https://zen.yandex.ru/media/id/5d67eba7d11ba200ad7f1245/the-healthy-helpless-zone-part-2-5d90e2e9bd639600b14ca593