Loneliness is associated with freedom and self-fulfillment. If a person can live the way he wants to live (without dependence on anyone), he feels like a true master and creator of his life.
Rural adventures
For the sowing of seed I want to share one of the most terrible memories stored in my memory. Imagine a multi-day hike through one of the northern regions of Russia. The route is laid on a map in advance, and on a certain day, we leave to small village to fill up their stocks of potable water and, if possible, to eat and spend the night in comfortable conditions. On the map the village is present, but in reality, we are met by stabbed and dilapidated remains of houses. Alas, such an extinct village in the Russian countryside is not uncommon, but scared us another ... After passing through almost the entire village, we find a single dwelling house. Smoke comes out of the stovepipe; chickens walk behind the fence; potatoes and other vegetables grow in the garden. We knock on the gate, loudly call the owners. Nobody answers. But the door of the house is hospitably open, so we go inside. In one of the rooms, we find an old lady who looks 80 years old. She looks at us and is silent. We start with some tourist entertainment ("Can you have a drink of water or you want to eat so much that there is no place to stay overnight?"), but she does not react in any way. We are trying to ask questions, tell about ourselves, but in response, we are still silent. At the same time, she hears us and understands us, occasionally nodding her head in response to some questions, but for some reason she says nothing. We left Grandma alone. We took water from the well near her house and stayed overnight at the other end of the village is a relatively dry barn. Before we left, they sawed her up with firewood and left her some food from our supplies. We never heard a word from her, but then we discussed her lonely life and being for a long time to come. I wonder if she only lives there for the summer or in winter? But in winter the frosts are terrible, and in recent years, many wolves have been bred, in winter they even go to the big villages, and she has no dog or gun. There is no electricity in the village. The mobile connection seems to catch, but what good is it if the phone is not charged. The nearest settlement is 15 kilometers away on a bad road. I wonder if anyone there knows about it? Do they visit her from time to time? When you are 30-40 years old and you are full of strength, any robinsonade looks like a fun adventure. But in old age, survival alone turns into a hussar roulette, where any ridiculous accident can take a life. The mushrooms were not eaten by the right people, the snake bit them, and the ax dropped on his leg. - and there is no one to help... And even no one to call for help. Oh, I would not like to be in the place of this old lady! Living in such loneliness is scary, and dying is probably even scarier.
WATER WATER DOES NOT WANT
A motive of "glass of water" (avoiding negative loneliness; when people enter into close relationships for the sake of "who should I give a glass of water to in my old age") is steadily among the three leading reasons for getting married. One of the basic functions of a traditional family is to provide security (financial, psychological, physical, etc.). If a person faces problems and difficulties that he or she cannot cope with alone, the closest people in the family come to the rescue. If a person becomes completely infirm due to old age and/or illness, a "glass of water" is first of all provided by the family. But to what extent is the notorious "glass of water" necessary? There is a joke: one rich man dies. Lying on his deathbed, and something terrible is going on around him. His ex-wives, children, grandchildren, mistresses, close and distant relatives gathered near the deathbed. Everyone shouts at each other, arguing, fighting over the future inheritance. Nobody pays any attention to the most dying person. He lies sad and lonely, and only a faithful friend asks him: "Do you want to die so badly? What does he answer? "You see, I thought that the more people around me are old, the more likely it is that there will be someone among them who can serve me a glass of water before I die..." - "Did you serve it?" - specifies a friend. "I don't want to drink," sighs the dying man. As they say, every joke has a joke in it. Eric Kleinenberg, an American sociologist, in his book "Solo Life: A New Social Reality" (in the sixth chapter - "Getting old alone"), cites data that 70-80% of elderly Americans prefer to live alone. They choose their own home/apartment, refusing to move to adult children's homes or nursing homes. What is particularly interesting is that studies have been undertaken comparing the level of subjective and objective well-being of elderly people living independently (alone) and living in families and nursing homes. No significant differences in the degree of well-being were revealed, but there is one small "but". It is important to distinguish between forced loneliness (isolation; when social contacts are minimal) and isolation (when social contacts are minimal).