Why is "just" being faithful not enough? What do some women have in common with 15-year-old girls?
What is the foundation upon which men's confidence rests?
What lies behind the desire to manipulate a man? Why is a man jealous "without reason"?
One of the typical scenarios of modern relationships: first, to attract man inaccessibility, and then to keep him on the hook - constantly "in tone".
While conducting training, how many times have I seen the round, surprised eyes of girls and women, when I told them that they need not only to be faithful to the man at 100% but also to inform it to him with a certain regularity. Verbally and not verbally, and mentally.
What do we often see in the modern realities of relations in the Russian-speaking space?
To keep "in check" or to manipulate?
For some reason, women believe that a man should be constantly "kept in tone". Otherwise, I will relax! And for this, they resort to a variety of methods. For example, the girl actively demonstrates that she has other fans and great friends. Like, "There's a demand for me, don't relax, buddy!
Such a girl sincerely believes that this is what makes her relationship better. They say a man will be afraid of losing her and will try to be better out of that fear.
And what about the fact?
If you dig deeper, it is clear that she has only positive intentions: she wants to make the relationship better. But the methods she uses are pure water manipulation. And I smile when such girls come to me for a consultation and say: "Yaroslav, what should I do? My husband manipulates me. He behaves strangely, has become closed and incomprehensible. It's like he's playing a game with me.
And as soon as I hear something like that, I understand in advance that a woman manipulates herself no less than her man and gets the same manipulation in return. However, for some reason, she sincerely believes that her actions are perfectly normal. But when her husband does the same thing, it's not good anymore.
On the other hand - to be faithful and show one hundred percent devotion to the man is scary: "What if the man relaxes? She will think that if a girl is loyal to him, she will accept him as he is, and you can not strain yourself...".
"This is another delusional concept, which came either from women's magazines, or from TV, or from some other "left" source.
But you're right! If you only be faithful and sincere, but not to watch yourself, not to influence the development correctly, not to maintain the interest of his man and not to be able to inspire the chosen one to the exploits, then he really "relax".
Psychology of relations (I'm talking about it in almost every article) - a system where each cog plays its part. And if one cog falls out, the whole system will stop working. It doesn't matter that the other 9 screws are in place and work correctly. Fidelity is one of the screws of an important system.
There are other women who understand that loyalty is important. They follow this principle and do not engage in Achinea in the style of "keep a man in tone". But there is one nuance...
They don't express their loyalty verbally
I repeat an expression of loyalty to a man is a declaration of love. He needs to talk about it. Especially if you look good and attractive to men (this is important and right, but it is the subject of a separate article). It is essential that these very loyalties and devotion are communicated in words to the man.
There is also another, not obvious, extremity that can ruin relationships. Loyalty is also when you do not talk about other males in front of your man at all. Do not praise them, do not discuss them, do not admire them.
You can say: "Yaroslav, what is this nonsense?
And I will answer that it is really not normal. Yes, if we had an ideal world, where children are raised correctly, where adults grow up, self-sufficient, psychologically stable people, such a rule would be inadequate. But since we do not live in an ideal world, and thus aspire only to the best (and if you read my articles and a blog, I am sure that strive only for the good - thank you very much), in any case, you can not praise another with your man.
Even if you are in a relationship with a lawyer, but praise and admire your favorite player. Even if your man never kicked the ball in his life, you don't have to do it.
Or a simple walk with a man. Do you think that he does not notice how you look at the other men with an evaluation look? You are mistaken. If a man does not say anything, it does not mean that he does not see it. It does not mean that your behavior will not have any consequences. That is, it is a kind of expression of infidelity to a man - a reason for a man to start thinking "superfluous".
And what is infidelity for a man, if you look globally?
Unstable. A woman is a man's rear. If a man starts to think, suspect that his woman is not right, then his position becomes unstable. Accordingly, it starts to appear everywhere - in his behavior, in his career, in business, in all matters.
You're beautiful, you cook well, you do yourself and yourself, and he behaves strangely? It seems that nothing has happened... Familiar?
At one of the workshops, a woman approached me: "I do everything, I try, and he's some kind of strange, behaves differently. As a result, it turned out that in conversations with her man, she admired others. In absolutely everyday circumstances, in a completely unconnected sphere with her man. But admired. Yes, he did not say anything, he did not try to share his feelings. He just "took revenge" on her with his behavior.
Another example
My assistant, who, in principle, inspired me to do this article. Once she said to me: "Yaroslav, I can't stand it. I do not understand what is happening. My young man is cool in everything, I am satisfied with the cavity. But, hell, he's so jealous - he's jealous of me "to the craziest extent". After all, I do not give him any reason! Why is this happening?
We begin to clarify the situation. It turns out that a friend helped her set up a new laptop. Her man asks her who it is and whether he "rolls up" to her. And my assistant takes and answer: "This is my good friend. And he doesn't roll at all. He is just very kind and generous.
What's the mistake?
The fact that she, in fact, and not wanting to, to his question admired another man. The man's reaction is also clear: he became angry, he was just "carried at the seams" by her "good friend".
I am not trying to justify such a man. I just try to look at the world of relationships without pink glasses. That's why we have what we have.
5 Main Conclusions
Yes, a man can be attracted by the inaccessibility of a man. But as you know, inaccessibility tends to end. This is a short-lived thing. When the moment has come for a woman to become available, what will she do? How will you continue to attract a man? "Keep it in tune"? I suggest leaving this strategy to 15-year-old girls. OK?
Fidelity is one of the most important, fundamental links in the harmonious relationship between a man and a woman.
You can be faithful and think that you don't have to tell him that. Why? You do! These words will be words of love for him. Verbally, from time to time - tell your man that you are loyal only to him. Bring your loyalty to him. And you will get the appropriate attitude in return. Or vice versa.
Get rid of the habit in the presence of your man to evaluate and discuss other guys. A man sees everything and notices everything, and it can lead to a certain color in your relationship. Not the best.
And, of course, all the advice above will not work if you do not engage in their own development, their beauty, their hobbies and hobbies, their femininity. In a word - take care of yourself.
Thank you for reading my blog. Let's make this world a better place, starting with ourselves.