We choose, we are chosen, how often it does not coincide ... Have you ever wondered why we so often choose for the relationship of those people who are not excited to communicate with us? We choose, manically achieve, conquer, try to prove that we are worth attention and love. Why?
Because we are madly in love? Because we are not used to retreating? Or are we afraid of loneliness, and there is a no more suitable candidate?
The most surprising thing is that many people consider such semi-relations to be commonplace. Instead of putting an end to it, politely say goodbye and switch to someone else, we continue to be in the grey zone of semi-love. We are looking for answers to the question of how to pay attention to ourselves, how to tie up, how to make people love more. At the same time, we worry, suffer, and have a lot of problems.
"He said that he is not ready for serious relations, but continues to show me signs of attention, seeking intimacy. What should I do to make him take me seriously?
"I see that he likes me, but after another weekend together, he never called. What do I do?
"My boyfriend treats me well when he's around, but he's almost never around, he always has his own business. What does that mean?
I could give you a dozen more questions, the answer to which is to Fold. The sooner the better.
Nevertheless, many people prefer to dig into themselves, try to play, manipulate, adjust, try on other people's roles, feel uncomfortable and keep walking in circles. Some people spend their whole lives doing this.
Why doesn't it bother you that you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? If a person is not happy with you now, what makes you believe that tomorrow everything will be different? Why try to convince your partner, yes, in anything, if he does not take any steps towards you?
Do you naively believe that you are able to convince the other person to do as he does not want to?
But is it true? Would you buy a dog that bites all the time? Would you be friends with someone who has left you in trouble? Would you be doing a job that is not being paid for? Then why are you trying to drag under the crown a man who does not want you at the moment? Where is your self-esteem?
Recently watched the movie "What men talk about. One of the episodes gave me a healthy idea.
The hero of the film Lesha tells a friend a story from childhood. In the moments when he doubted something, he was imagined by the Nazis. And came with a noble mission - to help understand his inner world.
They shine an electric lamp in his face and ask him a question to which he cannot answer himself: "Who do you love more Marina Sturmanova from 8-B or Jana Mischenko from 9-B? If you tell the truth, we'll let you go, no, we'll shoot you! And for some reason, the Germans know the truth. At that moment Lesha was going to answer the imaginary Germans honestly: "Jan Mishchenko!
Life will become much easier and more understandable if you regularly arrange such an internal interrogation and act only in case of mutual approval if the answer is unambiguous - Yes!
I tried to formulate
The law of mutual approval
that says:
If you want to enter into a relationship with someone new in any capacity, PARTNER must inspire you, elicit a clear response Yes!
If you want to enter into a relationship with someone new in any capacity, YOU must inspire the partner by eliciting a clear response Yes!
As you can see, the law presupposes that you will be RECEIVED. Both sides of the relationship should be delighted with the prospects of communicating with each other. Because attractive, self-sufficient, self-confident people do not have time to communicate with those who do not want to be with them.
This may seem ideal, but by starting to apply the law of mutual approval, you will immediately get tangible benefits:
You don't have to be with people you're not happy with anymore. No more headaches, no more unanswered questions, no more anger and no more disappointment, which follows them. You will cease to be rejected. You will begin to reject yourself.
You do not need to rape yourself with a fellowship that you are not happy about. We were all in such a role when we were not in high opinion about the person but stayed with him because nothing better at the moment was around.
Any doubts are solved instantly. From now on, if someone is manipulating you, forcing you to do things you don't like, which you are not sure of, the answer is simple - No! In other words, Yes! You have to talk when no questions arise. There are questions - this is the answer. Negative, of course.
Clear personal boundaries are set. You will only have to observe them. The principle or inner core makes a person not only confident in himself but also incredibly attractive, helps to maintain common sense in the relationship. And he (common sense) is known to be a great help in the long run.
A lot of time and energy is released for people with whom relationships are open, understandable and enthusiastic.
The law of general approval applies to friendship, sex, romantic relations.
You may well understand that you have nothing to do with a charming stripper from a nightclub, but it is so good, and you are attracted to each other by a magnet. Answer yourself honestly, do you only want to have sex with him? Yes! Then go ahead!
Another example. The man seemed so nice - flowers, wine, sex... and disappears for a long time, citing employment. You have to admit, it doesn't look like Yes! So, to hell with the man, along with his explanations. We have to move on.
You can apply this law at different levels. With one person you work well, you understand each other with half a word. It is unconditional Yes! For work and interpersonal communications. But then there are doubts. That means it is definitely not Yes! For romance. Stay colleagues and friends! Do not try to pull normal relations on the areas where they are not stretched.
If you learn to use the law and honestly answer your questions, your life will become much easier.
The law doesn't work.
only on two occasions:
You're not sure about anyone to say Yes! This can be an understatement of self-esteem, so anyone seems better than you are worth it. Or an overrated ego, when everyone is not worthy of your majesty.
No one is ready to say Yes! There's probably something wrong with Zhvanetsky at the conservatory. Try to understand yourself, understand what exactly repels other people in you.
In all other cases, the law is perfect.
It may seem that acting in this way, rejecting everything that the soul is not in a HARDNESS position, you doom yourself to loneliness. Nothing like that. A holy place is never empty. You simply free it for the best that can happen to you. You don't waste time on the gray area, you're not satisfied with how much you're in a relationship.
You can adjust, make yourself treated better, marry yourself eventually, win, and make yourself feel better. But you will definitely lose real happiness. Because the present requires a lot of attention!
Thank you for reading this article. I wish you real reciprocity!