...but she sent me anyway.
- Well, if that didn’t help... didn’t I draw anything under the windows on the asphalt? If so, then I will leave you now.
- No, I didn’t draw.
- Well then, I'm with you. How would you like to die? Although do not answer, we will discuss all this later. Pass the plush gallows to the next.
Igor told her to the man that he was sitting to his left and looked about 50 years old. He had wildly tired eyes, dirty boots, and gray hair that had formed in the past few months. It was noticeable.
- Hello. My name is Andrey. I had my own transportation business. But the crisis, new taxes, the Plato system, the euro, and in short, I got burned out. To zero. my wife left, now I am without money, in debt and alone. There is no more strength to fight. I want to just cease to exist.
- Andrew, I sympathize. Crisis - such a time is not easy for everyone. All in the ass got. Well, nothing, we will help you. Soon go with the angels to lie in the clouds, but drink a colada. So who is next there?
The next was a weird man with his nose twisted.
- Hello, my name is Stepan.
- What, unsuccessful plastic surgery? - interrupted his lecturer, Nikolai.
- No... I tried to commit suicide... I wanted to shoot myself in the head, but my hand was shaking violently. And I shot my nose, but I survived.
- Ooh.
- Yes. And now I can’t kill myself. I have a fear. Although I really want to die, but I can’t do anything with myself.
- I'm afraid group classes will not work for you. You need individual advice. But for now, tell me what happened.
- I have a wife. Three children. We took a mortgage. currency. This crisis has come. Fired from work. The euro has doubled. There is nothing to pay. There is nothing. Trying to resell the apartment, but who needs it with a currency mortgage. I can not do anything. I smiled the last time 2 years ago.
- And you think that if you die, your wife and children would be better off without you? How can they cope?
- I don’t care, to be honest ...
- Normal approach, our client. Okay, all crisis, yes crisis. Is there anyone who has reasons that are not related to money? And you, step, go to individual consultations. Yes, and there is payment immediately. 100 percent per barrel.
The Stepan with a bandaged nose left. The only woman among us raised her hand. she sat in a black dress, because of which the flaws of the figure peered out, and she looked 40 years old. The plush gallows passed to her.
- Good evening. My name is Tatyana. I am a seller in a women's clothing store. I have 3 sisters. 3 younger sisters. They are all smart and beautiful, they all have wonderful families. Children, home, travel. And I. Oldest. And the most lonely. I have never been married, all the men abandon me. I’m 42 now. I understand that nobody needs me anymore. I am getting fat, and there is no chance. I’ll be alone all my life and will work in my stinky store. I don’t want that anymore.
- Tanya. You have come to the address. We will help you for sure. Your 3 sisters will cry when they read your suicide note. They will curse themselves for the happiness that you have been deprived of. And in the coffin, you will be so irresistible that all the peasants at the funeral will begin to bite their elbows, that during life they did not give you due attention. I promise you. Our make-up artists and stylists will take care of this. It will be just mmua.
Further, in turn, all who came expressed themselves. Of the reasons for suicide, again, the crisis, unrequited love, and other common shit were listed. One man said that he no longer stands, and he does not see the point of living. They say, and drugs do not help. Everyone sympathized with him. The turn came to me.
- Hello. My name is Artyom. At one time, I often thought about suicide. I wanted to jump from the roof, and I even had a special song for the decisive step. Or rather a decisive leap, I wanted to soar above the world before I rushed down to meet the asphalt. "Dom! No - choke in the spring." Do you know this? Here the first verse goes without a beat, and I stand on the roof, listening, breathing in the air, the smell of life. I feel that this is the last time, and now everything. end. and after the verse, the refrain. also without a bit. Just a tune. And after the lines “You smile, peace, because you don’t know about me, all this is about nothing, when April...” he says “one, two”, the beat is turned on and immediately the second verse that shakes so that you want to head tear off, and now for "one, two," I run up and jump up, then to fly down.
- Wow. It is solid, Artem. I like your approach.
- Thank. But then I changed my mind. I listened to you all and decided that death was somehow stupid.
- Nothing is stupid.
- Well, you live. You know yourself.
- I would love to die myself. - but should help others. Death is a cherry on the cake of life, every adequate person understands this. All worthy people die before 30. And I myself would love to, but I can’t. How can people like Stepan, Igor, and Tatyana cope without me? No way. Who will help them? Nobody. So I endure for them. And why did you come here if you don’t want to die?
- I wanted to but changed my mind. Decided to prepare himself for a longer distance.
- And the same long sweat of depression, my young friend. So. Okay. Let’s leave Artyom overboard since he changed his mind about dying, but for now, we will discuss methods of suicide. What we can offer you. Comfortable bathtubs with hot water and sharp blades, firearms without fingerprints for a headshot, designer gallows, comfortable roofs of multi-store buildings with a gorgeous view to jump down at sunset. By the way, attention, Artyom, a proposal especially for you. In addition, an excellent assortment of poisons and pills, taking which you will not feel anything. Just fall asleep and don't wake up. For those who like to suffer and drown - weights and dumbbells, which conveniently cling to their feet, and the additional service "see Paris and die": suicide abroad. Prague, Barcelona, Rome - any city in which you want to do this. And for fans of Ivan the Terrible and Sadomaso artists - boilers with boiling water, an open flame stove and various convenient mechanisms for their quartering. More details about the list of services can be found in our booklets and websites. And now to summarize. We met today. discussed the causes of suicide. Ways. Our services. It's all briefly and briefly. After one trial lesson, you cannot commit a decent suicide. Be sure to miss, get scared and inflate in your pants after death. Without us, no one will follow your image “before” and “after”. So I suggest you all pay for our 10-course course. 2 lessons per week. Tuesday and Thursday. And after 5 weeks in just 15 thousand rubles, you will be ready to die better than Kurt Cobain. I promise you. And, Artyom, you still think, maybe you should return to your plan. we will help to do everything in beauty. In the meantime, let’s go to the next office, there you will find tea with the taste of fresh foliage on the grave and cookies in the form of coffins.