How often do you look at other happier women with envy and try to answer the question of why everything in life is so uneven, illogical, inexplicable.
Why one ALL, and you only pitiful crumbs? In this case, the other is not the most beautiful and worthy. At first glance, it seems ordinary, but it is loved, valued, Want. And your life, in spite of hard work and efforts, will not start to shine with happy colors?
If a woman feels guilty, dissatisfied with herself, burdens her work, irritate her loved ones, do not get along with men, in a word - something in life is not very good, it's time to start to love you.
It would seem, what is one thing to another? What kind of love, for NOW, can we talk about when the problem is outside? The man lying in front of the TV or his absence, the work that does not bring pleasure, the feeling that life passes by. Most of the time, this is what happens! It is easier for us to find an external enemy than to look for problems inside.
How do women talk about it? We need to change jobs, men, environments. Many people change. And what do you end up with?
For a while, you will think that life is getting better, but very soon the problems will return. The new boss will be picky, the new chosen one will relax, the new friends will be no better than the old ones.
Why is this happening? Because, changing the picture from the outside, we subconsciously act on the old scenario, treat the symptoms, not the cause of the disease, so inevitably we step on the old rake.
We're afraid to admit that it's about ourselves because we have to move on with this knowledge. But how? That's where the magic pill comes in - LOVE TO
NOW.
There is another extreme: a woman understands that the problem is in it. It seems that she tries to get better, develops, makes efforts to make everything harmonious in relation to a man, but "somehow" he does not appreciate it. Do you know why? The woman in this effort, again, forgot about SEBA.
What is love for yourself?
Love for yourself is not selfishness, not overrated self-esteem, not selfishness.
Love for oneself is positive self-esteem.
I will explain simply. Self-acceptance is a state when a person accepts himself as he is, with all the advantages and, most importantly, disadvantages, without judging, feeling remorse and guilt.
We are in contact with the world through the prism of our own selves. Agree, if you allow yourself to tell the wrong, for you the lie of another person will not become a mortal sin. You will be able to accept this fact because you sometimes sin to others. Accepting your own shortcomings, you are more tolerant of the shortcomings of others.
So the better a person treats himself, the better he treats others.
If it's so simple, why can't everyone love themselves?
The answer, as much as in this life, has its roots in childhood.
Why do women not love themselves?
Reason #1 - parents
The seeds of dislike are laid down by the parents. All mentally normal moms and dads love their children. For the best of their intentions, wishing to bring up their offspring as worthy members of society, they scold, punish, forbid.
n these moments, their love is safely hidden deep inside, on the way out the child sees only dislike. Remember what you were called in childhood:
Lazy
Hands are growing from the wrong place.
No-labeled...
It's no secret that everyone hears what they want to hear. The psyche involuntarily sets up filters. A child from a lot of information begins, like a sponge, to absorb the facts confirming unflattering responses about him. As a result, he makes sure that it is not just not loved. He is not loved deservedly.
Blackwork is done. Without suspecting that my parents laid down the COMPLEXes, which haunt us all my life, in many ways determining its course.
Reason #2 - I = society
The second source of dislike is added in adolescence. A teenage girl begins to distinguish between the concepts of "I" and "They" and assess both them and themselves. The logic of evaluation is simple. As in the cartoon - who will praise me best of all, I will give him a big sweet candy. If others are friendly, tolerant, compassionate, attentive to it - they are perceived with a sign of plus. If they are aggressive, edifying, critical - with a minus sign.
The essence is that a person assesses him/herself according to the same criteria by which he/she values others. Doing bad things to others, one's own psyche evaluates oneself negatively and rejects oneself. A person who acts in a negative way from the point of view of generally accepted norms does not like himself.
How can a woman learn to love herself?
Loving yourself is difficult. Self-acceptance is not self-love, not an automatic repetition of "I am the most charming and attractive. This is a constant conscious activity over their thoughts, judgments, actions. But... Water sharpens a stone.
1. Try to understand the cause of the parental negative, which you suffered from as a child and continue to experience now. It has nothing to do with your personal qualities.
Parents were afraid for you and your life, unable to cope with their own feelings. They felt bad. They need to be understood, forgiven and treated as you would have treated a person whose ill-health, confusion and problems are obvious to you. Treat with compassion, understanding, care. After some time, your acceptance of yourself is guaranteed to increase.
2. make room for good
Write letters to the past. To parents, if there is a grudge against them. A former man who may have caused a lot of pain.
In the first letter, you pour out all the negativity, resentment, pain, anger, grievances, criticism. You unload everything from the inside onto paper. Then this letter is crumpled and burned.
The second letter you write with gratitude for all the good things that this man gave you. For experience, for growth. It will not be superfluous to apologize for your imperfection. This letter can be photographed and sent to the person to read.
Often these letters can bring back a man who has left.
3. Take care of yourself!
I am not tired of repeating this phrase. The man does not appreciate a woman, the man "wipes his feet on her", the man does not see the diligence of the woman, picks on, irritated? Take care of yourself, your body, your appearance, your enjoyment of this life.
But not in order to get revenge on a man or to teach a lesson. And for yourself. After all, we really do not need anyone until we are not needed, in the first place.
4. Do good deeds for nothing
Give people compliments, find the good in them, emphasize it. Help those people who are not able to help themselves in this life (already or so far) (orphans, disabled, elderly). Why?
To realize your own value. That you are as you are now useful to this world. And in general, the meaning of life is to make it better. Starting with whom? That's right, from me.
5. Get rid of the surroundings of people who pull you down
We're the arithmetic mean of our environment. "Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are.
I remember myself when I came to Kyiv from the province. Being an insecure guy, I was striving for the better, for development. And there were friends, after communicating with whom I felt bad at heart and unhappy near them. Limit your communication with such people.
Surround yourself with people who are more fortunate than you are, or people who are striving for the best like you.
6. Change your lifestyle
Perhaps the most important recommendation. You cannot love yourself when you spend 40+ hours a week at an unloved job. And when you try to direct your activities in the direction that you like, then you will not be able not to succeed in it.
Hence the self-esteem, the love for yourself will increase. Don't notice how one day you will forget that you didn't love yourself (as it was in my life).
Conclusion:
Love for yourself is something without which, all women's efforts in the field of relations with men go to naught. Some women continue to blame men for their ingratitude and indifference, and some women have the courage to suspect that they may be the reason for it.
Take the path of love to yourself. I gave the instructions above. I went through all this personally. If I could, so could you.