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The article is subjective and expresses the personal opinion of the author.
Critical periods inevitably occur in the relationship between parents and adolescents. For example, ancestors do not like that a child writes piercing songs dedicated to the clutch of Selena Gomez, instead of preparing to enter the engineering faculty. Or the son found his parents obscene: they were looking for something in his desk drawer. Or a daughter refuses in the cold from her dad's ski cap “Olympic Reserves”. Battles are fought because of clothes, music, friends, hobbies or cleaning in someone's Augean stables. These, of course, are insignificant trifles, which serve only as an occasion for a quarrel. The reasons for the disagreement, as a rule, lie deeper.
We often agree on some abstract rights of adolescents: realization, mistakes, trials, the possibility of choice ... But when it comes to choosing a coat and a fatal problem: whether to put on a guy a hat is a breeze! - parents become unbearable creatures with dictatorial manners. Here is a set of sacred and inalienable rights that every teenager needs.
1. Be the master in your room
Suppose you risked entering the resident evil and stepped your foot in the scrambled eggs, which disappeared somewhere last week. This is a great occasion to talk about who is the boss in the room. If you are bold, discuss who should establish the rules in it, why and where these rules end. Say, you are responsible for the apartment, and when various insects choose a nursery, the chances are high that they will look into the kitchen. Justify why you do not welcome bonfires and pyramids from boxes with old pizza. Here, perhaps, is all parental competence. A parent should not rummage in other people's things and enter without a demand a room with a sign: “I hate pale-faced”.
2. The right to an opinion and the right to be heard
It is vital for a teenager to prove that his thoughts and desires are worth something. At this age, children often feel lonely loneliness and longing. Listen to the child and do not say that drawing graffiti in the form of sulfur from the ears is some kind of nonsense. Suddenly for him, it is important. “Dad, I noticed that friends, unlike me, have a color display on their phones and they have Cyrillic!” - the child is worried. Do not shout that he has not yet earned it. Be honest: "Yes, you want a new smartphone, I'm really sorry, but so far I can’t buy it." If you have home rules, clear principles, any personal restrictions, explain and prove, respecting the opponent’s reaction. Arguments in the form of punches on the table injure the child and humiliate him. Talk with him sincerely about his motivation, try to negotiate, avoiding the appeal "Puppy".
3. The right to keep secrets
The secret is that the child is not eager to show you. Parental attempts to find out with whom she is chatting on social networks and whether he smokes, undermine the trust on which, in fact, the relationship stands. The more respect you show when you send a teenager’s clothes to the laundry (“Please check if there are anything left in your pockets”), the sooner he will want to share the innermost ones. "Mom, look, a note came to me on Valentine's Day:" Hello, bespectacled man! ".
4. Choose friends yourself
The child has suspicious friends: one merges with the wallpaper because everything is tinted, the other uses one-word "Yo" in speech. Horror! Competent psychologists will say that if we want to choose friends for a child in their teens, we are about ten years late. And if we start to fight with inappropriate friends now, then we always lose. When a parent makes harsh conditions about an unsuitable company, he only wants to be lied to.
If you don’t like the children's circle of friends, there can only be one strategy: to find out why the teenager communicates with them, what he finds among these guys. Explain your position to the child, talk about your anxiety, listen and recognize the child’s right to an alternative position.
5. Try yourself in different areas
You can understand the fears of the family when a person who is studying at a physics and mathematics school and plays the violin suddenly says that arm wrestling is his life's work. Teenagers are painfully looking for the present, and it’s just stupid to deprive them of this experience. Let him try the circle of predictors of the apocalypse, the section of unicycle riding, the school of cat hairdressers. In the end, teenage nonsense themselves somehow fall off and most people subsequently recall them with a smile. Except, of course, wrestler-hairdressers on a unicycle.
6. Listen to unbearable music and wear ... what the ... light green shorts with sleeves
Clothing, language, music, and these baubles with naked women and skulls are another way to find yourself, as well as a way to identify yourself with a group. Newfeld, a Canadian developmental psychologist, explained in the book Do Not Miss Your Children that attachment works this way. One of its levels is affection through imitation when you want to be like people who matter to you. All that can be done here is simply to be near the child, although in public places you always want to pretend that you are not together.
7. Choose a university
It's a shame to find out that the graduate changed his mind about entering the oil-producing faculty on the day when you already gave a bribe to the selection committee. But the choice of a university and a future profession is a personal choice, it would be nice to make it not in the direction of the parent's pointing finger.
By the age when a person is going to university, love, understanding, acceptance, and trust should have formed between you. If the parent trusts the teenager, does not condemn him, there is every chance that they will come to this parent in difficult times for advice and help, and it will be possible to fix something. For example, to help the boy transfer from a painting college to a dance-geological college.
8. The right to choose whether to wear a hat
No matter how much you go to bed in the hallway and do not scandal, you should always bear in mind that in an elevator a teenager will be able to untie the strings under the chin and go into the world without a headdress.
What you can insist on
- On the rules of conduct in the family. Your home is a public area. Here you can and should set the rules for cleaning for yourself, the rules of conduct. For example, in the kitchen, you are not allowed to smoke, praise cooked food with a mat and dance with shoes on the table. But everyone should be tied with napkins and remove elbows from the table.
- On the rules of coming into the house and leaving home. Dad should not be shy about asking what time the Pokemon party will end. Explain to the youngest that here you have the constitutional responsibility for the safety of the child.
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