Hello! You are on the channel All or nothing, thanks for reading me! Glad to see you and enjoy reading!
The article is subjective and expresses the personal opinion of the author.
Feeling you are sitting in a puddle
You sit on the Internet and do not touch anyone, and there and then it flashes: “100 scientific crafts from wax, which must be done with the child before the New Year!”, “50 children's books about Christmas, without which it will not come!”, “ 30 ways to depict a deer on New Year's Eve so that the kids do not cry! ” And it seems to you that decent parents are those who fast themselves with crafts from wax, with books about Christmas, with round dance, which they began to drive back in November. But your poor child has not even finished up poetry about autumn.
You desperately understand that, in addition to studying, a child needs to develop a sense of beauty (musician, artist), improve physically (sports section), arouse interest in science (science club), and help navigate the world (Young Programmer Studio, “Young manager”, “Young coach”). And where are the foreign languages with promising Chinese? But so far you only managed to record it in the extension. Therefore, in a conversation with an active mother who carries an excellent pupil Dima in six circles, you translate the topic: “Where else will we go? For example, to the hairdresser ... "
"Hello! - the familiar mother of a six-year-old boy is knocking on a bus, - a happy walk! We rush from tennis to the theater-goer, they saw you from the car! ” At this time, I stand in a vast pool and convince the children that the greatest art here is to walk through without spraying. To pass along the edge of fate.
The feeling that you are standing in a puddle, and more often - even sitting, arises at every meeting with the most wonderful and involved parents
Topics that, instead of measuring water bodies, made up a tight schedule of classes with children and for children. In general, they are invested. You seem to invest too, but today - overtime work, yesterday - friends came, and it turns out somehow not so beautiful.
What do scientists and psychologists say
Those who are actively involved in children are sometimes scornfully called “intense” (from the term “intensive motherhood”). The author of the concept, American sociologist Sharon Hayes, wrote about this in 1996 in the book "Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood." The book as a whole is about the message “let's get more involved with children” - this is a kind of cultural trend that occasionally pops up in the history of mankind, and not at all the traditional motto of moms and dads.
The fact that children turn out to be more prosperous if the mother tries for the sake of their upbringing and education, noted the educator Jean-Jacques Rousseau. In the treatise "Emil, or On Education," he urged mothers not to send children to villages to incomprehensible nurse, but to raise them next to them and do all they could to make decent people of them. Those who could read Rousseau imbued with his thoughts. That is, before the advent of psychoanalysis and feminism in educated circles, “engaging in children” was the idea of motherhood.
Freud and his followers showed maternal care on the other hand: it turned out that a mother can be “all-devouring”, depressing, crushing, she can break the will of children with unnecessary control. At the same time, in the 20th century, women in developed countries began to get rid of kitchen slavery and pursue a career, which is why the idea of “intensive parenthood” lost its appeal.
Why are super parents so furious
Now in Russia, there are a lot of parents who really devote a lot of time to children. Thanks to the free schedule of some dads and mothers and the impressive options for educational strategies, parents have had unprecedented opportunities. Why is it that “intense” causes undisguised irritation in many?
In our country, such a strategy is not perceived as the norm. Many grew up in a country where parasitism was an article, and schoolchildren, coming home, made their own lunch, and then rushed to the courtyard, where they had their own mysterious life. “And nothing - they still grew up!” - uncle beats himself in the chest from the outskirts.
The time that the parent spends next to the child seems to many, not an investment, but weaning of life experience: he will not learn anything if he holds on to the skirt
In this case, the opinion of the parent, who better represents the alternatives that shine on the child, is not very taken into account. Let him go and all.
The included parents set a high standard that is difficult to match. Any parent has guilty feelings - their favorite rake. It always seems that you didn’t do something, did something wrong, screwed it up. Next to people in the luminous suit of "super parents" new firewood flies into the fire of guilt. For some reason, own achievements are leveled. They show us that it was also possible to do so, and then get out of this way, and then stick a bow ...
The idea of absorbing parenthood enjoys the support of the state, and this is especially enraging. Olga Isupova, a sociologist and researcher of “intensive motherhood,” says in a video lecture: “There is a conservative order from the state. Because the state, apparently, wants many of the early family functions to be returned to the family: parenting, including intensive education, and so on. Some women also wanted this, but now they don’t like it anymore. Because the school is so built that for the first few classes of a child’s education at school if you care what happens next, you should actually take a second maternity leave. That is, you have to sit and do lessons with him, sometimes you need to teach him instead of a teacher. ”
Thus, on the one hand, there is a need to invest a lot of effort and money in children. There is a mess with education, but now it is the only social elevator that is not spat on and working.
On the other hand, this is difficult and unusual, because, with an abundance of options and a lack of time, you must separate the seeds from the chaff every second, choose and keep up. You cannot put your life on the altar of upbringing - it’s even more harmful to children than chips. In general, you need to have time to figure it out while other parents, apparently more agile, are flying past you into the music room on sparkling cars. Good luck to them and the snowball in the bumper.
Thank you for reading this article, I hope you enjoyed it. Subscribe to the channel, leave comments and come again!