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The article is subjective and expresses the personal opinion of the author.
Not in word, but indeed
A commonplace in any educational discussions is that children need to be educated by their own example, they repeat everything, and then, just turn away, they will also lie down with a beer to watch the program “Shock, sensation: the actress from the advertisement of dentures is cheating on her husband.”
Therefore, when the children are at home, many try to get confused: they pretend to be interested in science, hold a book near the sofa, can squat and do leg swings for no reason, or even stop picking their nose. And to make the example more clear, they are accompanied by some notation: “Look, son! I studied well from childhood, went in for sports and ate porridge, by the way, who took the beer from the refrigerator? ” Psychologists at this moment threaten a finger:
Children read our non-verbal message better than voice, and it is not so important that you say, it is important that you think at that moment
In some magical way, the child absorbs and tries to justify the subconscious attitudes and expectations of close adults.
Say, now it is considered good form to help a child feel at height and believe in him. “Come on, dear, now you can do a somersault on a scooter, I believe in you!” - and at the same time dial the number of orthopedic traumatologists. This method of faith in a child, despite its widespread use, is ineffective.
Without regaining consciousness
The psychological phenomenon “Pygmalion effect” is based on the fact that we pass on our subconscious expectations to others, and they try to realize them as much as possible. The American psychologist Robert Rosenthal was able to prove that the teacher’s expectations from the student significantly affect not only the comments that he writes in the diary but also on the student’s real successes in tests.
Researchers asked students in grades 18 to perform an IQ test, and as if according to the test results, some children were presented to teachers as gifted, with high potential. In fact, these advanced doctrines wrote a test quite average, but adult expectations had a decisive effect on them. Subsequently, the “gifted” not only received higher grades but also showed increased curiosity on the assurances of the pedagogical team. However, the most remarkable were the results of a retest conducted after eight months. The test showed that 80% of supposedly outstanding students scored at least 10 points more than before.
In general, the guy who comes to the school on the first day with stationery buttons for his beloved teacher is unlikely to finish the last quarter in excellent students. As long as we refer to the guy as a “bully and lazy person,” this works as a self-fulfilling prophecy. It is much better to call all children "gifted."
“Petrov, you are our gifted father tomorrow to the director!”
First imprint
Children are especially sensitive to expectations and our behavior. From birth, they set themselves up for the world around them, and a significant adult becomes an important guide here.
When we talk about how imitation arises, one cannot go past (especially in boots) by imprinting, which was described by Austrian ethologist Konrad Lorenz.
Imprinting is a specific form of animal training, with the help of which young representatives of the fauna manage to maintain the necessary connections
Little ducklings remember the first large object that fell into their field of vision, such as, for example, the boot of K. Lorenz, and begin to follow this boot everywhere, taking it for their mother.
In children, such a mechanism also works - this is the mechanism of attachment. He makes a very small child not only follow his parents into another room and try to open the lock but also try to become like those who locked themselves there.
Canadian psychotherapist Gordon Newfeld identifies several levels of attachment, where attachment through "similarity" usually occurs already in the second year of life.
I look at you like a mirror
One of the most significant neurobiological discoveries of recent years is the discovery of mirror neurons, special cells of the cerebral cortex, which are excited not only when the owner of the brain acts, but also people nearby. Say, when you watch someone stir a tea with a spoon, the very same neurons that would be activated in your brain if you did not forget to pour tea and give a spoon.
These mirror neurons allow us to try on the poses, gestures and even feelings of other people. Each child learns the set of reactions that his family shows him. And if the native aunt Katya sprinkles obscene ditties when washing dishes, the two processes will be connected in the head of the child, in any case, this kind of behavior will look quite natural for him.
Each of us has a custom to frown, smile, get angry or express delight as his loved ones did
Studying those around us at a young age, we create templates that we will later pull out from the “piggy bank” and try on the interlocutor - if not suitable, not familiar, not ours - rejection is underway and psychological defenses are turned on.
It is very important for children to be part of a group, so far, with self-identity and cultural integration, things are not important. Even for psychological safety reasons, a child needs to be his own, like, merged and, in general, “from our yard”, so who is “ours” here and who is not “wounded” is a terribly important question.
But according to what principle the child chooses his own - it also depends on his family and the initial environment in some ways. Some people evoke empathy with us, others do not, some seem close, others - like aliens. The trick again is that our mirror neurons (which, incidentally, are not only the basis of learning and imitation but also responsible for empathy) mirror exactly what is familiar, close and understandable. Therefore, it is more difficult to empathize with a stranger, someone who is not your color, not your nationality, and not even rooting for your team.
Education
About ten years old, the child sees himself as he is seen and described by others. An adult is still an authority, and moving away from it is somehow unsafe. By puberty, a teenager will beat mirrors and strive to get as far away from parents and old authority teachers as possible to check which one I am - the real one. However, the schemes laid down in early childhood will remain and somehow manifest themselves.
From this point of view, our entire education is not an end in itself, but only a means to surround the child with smart, interested people who know what they are doing and why. Science is the language in which the teacher speaks with the child about the world. The set of information that we will have time to share with the child is not so important, how much - will it be possible to infect children with the joy of discovery, curiosity, love of life and enthusiasm for its secrets.
Nothing can be more valuable than inspired surroundings. And it doesn’t matter what they do with burning eyes: they put bricks, play the violin or jump on the trampoline. The physical formula can be forgotten, the composer's years of life - even more so, but the emotional reactions, favorite phrases of the mentor or the way he shakes his head - will remain somewhere inside.
And on a conscious level, a person with burning eyes just wants to be like, he wants to like, he wants to get closer to him somehow.
Some problem of our society is that children are often surrounded by the most tired and sad people, they are paid little, they need to fill out a million pieces of paper, and the unpleasant weather forecast is reflected in their nose. Maybe that's why contented and smiling manicurists, and not professors of philosophy, become the stars in school social networks.
Brief conclusions:
- Children imitate not what we declare, but what we believe in. If the skates are gathering dust on a shelf, and dad does not know on which mezzanine he forgot a triple sheepskin coat, then it will be difficult for him to convince the children to fall in love with figure skating.
- Enthusiastic people can infect with one of their enthusiasm, and this will be the best gift for a child, unless, of course, we are talking about TV and alcoholic cocktails.
- In the era of globalization, we need to learn how to deal with our natural tendency to divide people into strangers and ours according to only one section of the eye.
- By setting an example, we must stand in that position in which we feel most happy and inspired.
- If you add a little drive to family life, even evening moralizing can be an entertaining venture.
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