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The article is subjective and expresses the personal opinion of the author.
We tend to systematize and generalize. It’s easier with them. It’s one thing to know that a bully is playing on the carpet, and it’s quite another to try to realize that under your feet there is a unique human universe with thousands of conflicting movements of the soul (you can shrug your hands and freeze in silent amazement). We are trying, by all means, to find out who we got, we check the character of the two-year-old with the image of the horoscopic twins and rejoice at the coincidences: “I knew that - he is restless”. We are trying to get the final resume out of Krugkov’s teacher: “No, tell me, is she a leader by nature or what?” We even give a name when we look at a piece of forehead in the maternity hospital that peeks out from under the blanket: “Well, I told you: spilled Veronica. That’s how it should look! ”
The child had just come into the world, and he had already found Uncle Misha’s nose and some signs of future service in the navy. It seems to be - what's so, not a child fell from the moon. Moreover, we do not offend him. But perhaps our good intentions will lead to the fact that in 30 years a person will study the books “How to become yourself”, “30 tests to find out if I like carrots” and “Find your true vocation: poetry, music or still a worker warehouse. " But the youngest child, even without our wonderful definitions, threatens in many cases to fall to the template.
Here, for example, in what framework we do not hesitate to drive the children when we attach various labels to them.
1. Gender shortcuts
“You have a real princess!”, “Guys don’t cry, but protect their homeland!”, “The girl must be gentle and beautiful!”, “Are you a man or who? Why do you need a toy squirrel? Let's buy a microscope. ”
These phrases look pretty harmless if you don’t think about the fact that there is a set of beliefs and prejudices in the wagon train with gender: boys are better versed in formulas, and girls do not know how to park a toy car. Recently, American sociologists conducted a study and found that as early as six to seven years old children are exposed to gender stereotypes.
For example, if you tell the girls about a very intelligent person and ask who it could be, at the age of five they will name a character of their gender. But in the seven-year-old - the opposite. In elementary school, girls know that a “very smart person” is necessarily a man (and she does have a dress). In another experiment, scientists offered children games, one of which was "for very, very smart children." Five-year-old girls became interested, and seven-year-olds felt that such things were not for them. The boys were interested in the game, regardless of age.
This is just one example that shows how susceptible children are: they try on themselves what adults think is right for them. Subsequently, the sexual pattern may affect the choice of interests and hobbies. The boy is unlikely to dare to tell dad that he likes the career of Nikolai Tsiskaridze. And by the time she’s in the second grade, she can be sure that the nuclear physicist must be with a beard.
2. Labels in the family
“Why did you take the bunny from your sister. You're the eldest. You are already two years old! ”,“ Masha is older than you, she can ride a bicycle to the pool. But you have beautiful curls! ”
There are studies from which the parent, without any surprise, learns that older children are more responsible, excellent leaders, middle ones fine-tune conflicts with strong emotional intelligence, and younger ones are playful, rebellious and free. Not least because no one demanded that they quickly grow up and stop sticking wipes in the nostrils of the baby.
The role in the family largely determines the way the child interacts with parents: if one needs to cry in order to attract the attention of the pope, then the other is asked to help with the chemistry task. This works without our participation. It is completely sad if the parent puts unnecessary accents (“Our eldest is smart, and the youngest is beautiful!”) And does not try to create situations in which the child could show himself from an unexpected angle. Let the younger one be smart somewhere too, for example, she will win the competition “All that we can draw about ants,” and the older one will have a chance to enjoy care and attention, only because his ears are touching.
3. Personal Features
"Start without us, he’s a coward for us - you think, he’s scared of the trombone." “Sveta, let the girl ruin the snowman too. Sorry. Light, it turns out, is greedy. ”
Very often, parents use annoying labels to justify the impolite behavior of the child or somehow relieve themselves of responsibility for the trick with sand. Vitalik hid behind his knee? Now the whole street finds out that our boy is shy. And in order not to upset the teacher, we will say about our child that he is “problematic, and in general, always fights, not only in your classes.” Suppose our labels can help someone sort out a child faster, but if we try to think about the interests of this brawler ...
More precisely, a unique person, we need to get rid of unambiguous definitions. Own embarrassment, when Fedor does not greet his great-grandmother, you need to hide away and help the child. Instead of shouting: “Oh, he is afraid of everyone and always crawls under the table!” - you need to sit down and ask the child: “Let's say to my grandmother“ Hello! “. Or just wave her hand. "
The problem is that when we hang labels, we make the child truly believe in them. Light is not at all greedy, but Petya climbed under the table because he saw a bug there. Now you have explained everything to them, and from now on they will already know what is expected of them and how to act.
4. “Good” shortcuts
“Vasilisa is a born poetess. Yesterday she rhymed the whole day with a mimosa rose! ”,“ Nicodemus is a geek, well, he’ll definitely go to Silicon Valley! ”
A label as an identifier can serve as a powerful means of manipulation: “How so? I thought you were my assistant. ” At the same time, a disappointed parent wants only the best. He thinks what you call a yacht, so she will sail. But maybe we are wrong with the route of our yacht? Is there no chance that we will lead her astray while we diligently lay the route based on our own ideas about the beautiful?
Cognitive scientists believe that labeling not only changes the way children think about themselves but also affects our own view. If we know the names of 33 types of snow, the images of all 33 will be in our heads. We pronounce what we see, but to some extent, it works and vice versa. When we say that Violetta cannot live without dancing, we immediately begin to look for any details that confirm this idea. And here it’s easy to make mistakes with interpretations, especially if we want to grow born athletes, musicians, scientists. And if we do not notice the child himself behind our idea of him, it is more difficult for us to respond to his needs.
Studies show that activating a stereotype definitely affects a person’s cognitive activity. Let's say you noticed a note that the guys in red pajamas do not read crosswords well. And now you just have red pajamas, and quite by accident - you solve a crossword puzzle. Be sure that you will be confused by those words that you easily guessed if you were in blue pajamas.
The whole family insists on the girl that she is a gymnast, and in school, it is generally accepted that athletes do not shine with their minds - this is the activation of a negative stereotype. At the linguistic Olympiad, the image of a tightly thinking athlete can surface in the girl’s head at the most inopportune moment.
Even if you stick around the child from all sides with positive stickers: smart, talented, resourceful, strong - will it not be difficult for the child to meet our expectations?
It is generally accepted that American students of Asian descent are terribly gifted in technical sciences. These same gifted students admit that they experience strong social pressure and stress, which prevents them from enjoying mathematics. Perhaps the child could also enjoy math (suddenly this is possible at all) if dad and mom did not consider him the heir to Perelman.
The stereotype is always smaller than the child, you need to get into it and sit in it, not try to stick your legs out. Perhaps we should tell our children about the endless possibilities that are open to them, that we love them with anyone, that a biology deuce does not mean that he is the only way to go to the harmonists. And generally speaking.
5. Chinese horoscopes and lunar phases
"Kolya is an Aquarius, born in the year of the metal sheep, at 7 in the morning, and this determined his character." “Katya in socionics Robespierre. So, scattering shoes in the hallway is her fate. Nothing to do about".
It is better not to read the child his definitions from the book of fate. They may be funny, but what to do with it is not very clear. Nobody can change the date of birth and the quadra that you were assigned to. So, everything is hopeless.
It turns out, not to say at all, what good son we have?
Psychologists are more likely to recommend behavior, not quality. Not “You are the queen of the yard!”, But “You behaved very generously, handing out cookies in the sandbox.” In addition, children should know that they are allowed to be more than a set of adult ideas about them. Being angry, sad, harmful, getting deuces, hiding behind the knee, tearing pants and sometimes completely losing interest in the sets on scales.
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