Hello! You are on the channel All or nothing, thanks for reading me! Glad to see you and enjoy reading!
The article is subjective and expresses the personal opinion of the author.
Just as a sapper makes his way through a minefield, a modern, slightly neurotic parent fulfills his mission. This path is bumpy and carries internal conflicts when the right “as it should be” decision fights on fast-food - faster, more convenient and easier. Yes, actually I know that it makes sense to wait until the baby spreads the porridge on a plate 15 times and starts eating himself, but we are late, therefore: “Well, open your mouth, spoon for dad!”. Other conflicts erupt from the outside: the children's “I want” and “I don't want” is confronted with our implacable “must” and “not.”
Well, maybe we are not so implacable. The phrase “On, eat, just leave!” Shows that mom-flint today is not ready to defend the line, and the guy will get a third ice cream. No matter how terrible this phrase may sound, sometimes something like that says any, even a decent person, even to himself, even if he clenches his teeth ... He clenches his teeth and does not let his third ice cream out of his hands.
If you are still sitting and whispering “This is a failure” - we have something to console you with.
1. Epic fails help parents sort out their own boundaries
“Set boundaries,” psychologists say, “it will be easy for the child to live in them.” We nod, but few have a good idea of how to mark up the territory entrusted. Borders are not sold as a ready-made kit, they are built, and construction is just going through precedents. They help us figure out what is tolerable and what is intolerable for us.
If everything is clear with situations that threaten the life and health of the child, then fermentation begins. The child does not want to wear sandals - it seems to be a health hazard. But if he adds an argument: stamps his foot and squeaks, so that the focus withers, you immediately think that Porfiry Ivanov was hardened, and Leo Tolstoy walked barefoot on the arable land, and the lawn here seems to be quite good ...
After all, in things that are really important to us, we do not give up. If putting a young lady to bed at eight in the evening is a matter of principle for mom, then after a one-time relaxation she will feel so uneasy that the next day her daughter will be put to bed immediately after dinner. To by eight in the evening for sure.
No one will take a step back, knowing that behind the cliff. Another question is that we ourselves should sit down and think: why is it so sad today? Is it because the children watch a concert dedicated to the day of the police, or because they also eat your sandwich? Oh no, they just crushed plasticine on the couch. Hurrah! Now it’s clear where exactly in this house it is strictly forbidden to make blueberries.
2. Concessions improve the behavior of children (and therefore parents)
Specialists from the American Psychological Association have seriously racked their brains on how to improve children's behavior. They worked with the guys who were whining, fighting and categorically did not obey their mother. It turned out that compromise is the best tactic so that a person ceases to nightmare others.
A parent who agreed to meet the child reassured him rather than another, gloomily standing on the defense of the borders or locking the hero of the occasion in another room (the so-called time-out tactics). In general, a compromise and “ok, we buy a losharika” are what really work, especially if you are at the airport. “Because in the long term, a large number of compromises make children nervous and act worse,” they shrug in a psychological association.
In general, concessions are important, but we should have something sacred and untouchable: here is this porridge, for example, “clean the room” and “for God's sake, just not a song about pedestrians through puddles”.
3. Children learn to negotiate
Today, the ability to persuade and negotiate is an important matter. We were not taught this, so the conversation goes exactly as recommended in the business manual on negotiating. In the sense that the child behaves like a competent negotiator, but you do not.
- Dad, make a bird!
- I can not.
- Make a bird.
“I'm busy, maybe give you some candy?”
- No, make a bird.
- Well then.
- This is not a bird, but a wrinkled candy wrapper. Make a bird.
“Uh,” after a 20-minute pant. - And like this?
- This is origami - a frog that you made according to the instructions from the Internet, and I asked for a bird.
- Listen, I’m actually having a Skype conference! Go away, huh?
- No, I need a bird !!!
- But you saw it! (shows fist)
- Thank you, dad, I wanted this. Can you spread your fingers and shout like a duck “Quack-quack-quack”?
It's nice that your child, firstly, knows what he wants. Secondly, maybe it can be convincingly substantiated. Thirdly, it confidently goes to the goal. Thus, it cannot be said that this is a completely educational fiasco. Somewhere here is an educational moment.
4. A compromise makes children understand that parents can also be negotiated (and easily)
Despite the mass of opportunities, children, in reality, have little effect. A progressive mother will ask: “What color pants do we wear today?”, But everyone understands that the pants were bought in the same store and sewn from the same rubberized material. It’s valuable to know that if you push it, they will still hear you. And to know that you are influencing something in this life is generally brilliance. It’s especially great if the adult then tells how the act came back in the universe: “You see, Nikita, you shot a cutlet from a slingshot, and dad will now pay for that uncle’s dry cleaning and hairdresser!” Do you think there is a connection between these events? ”
Talking is generally a good idea, even if you refuse the right to choose pants. Perhaps someday in the future, a teenager will be able to confess to you something no less wild than a cutlet. That he tasted beer, for example, and he had a real hangover.
5. Most of our bans are really complete nonsense
Thanks to developmental psychology, we know that children grow up in the face of futility. The man ran into the wall, realized that he could not count on the orchestra in a taxi, cried, consoled with his mother, who is herself! - Just forbade him to dream of timpani. But children do not care about such paradoxes. The world is full of futility: you can't fly to the moon, you can't eat a lot of sweets, you can't help brushing your teeth, you can't fight, you can't howl like a wild dog, you can't stick foam in your nostrils.
But it’s not enough for us, and we are embarrassing new lines of defense: you can’t hold your finger on the glass on the bus, suddenly germs, you can’t go to bed 10 minutes later, you cannot tie a plush tiger onto your back - and so walk. Although why? Who said you can't talk loudly on the street? Walking with a tiger? Get out in a weird hat? To draw a portrait of a teacher with holes instead of eyes? Stand on your head with your grandmother?
Part of our prohibitions comes from an unconscious habit because we were once forbidden during our October childhood. But it is necessary to slow down and think for a second: why, actually, am I resting here? Why do the younger need to eat up everything from the plate? Why should I draw at the table, and not on the floor? Why can I not dye my hair green? Why you can not say to another adult: "I do not want to listen to you!". Is this true such a key for your self, or do we prohibit the machine that a person will line up?
In general, if the child defeated you again - do not be sad! He’s actually on your team.
Thank you for reading this article, I hope you enjoyed it. Subscribe to the channel, leave comments and come again!