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The article is subjective and expresses the personal opinion of the author.
1. Restless mom and dad with slings
It is easiest for these parents to convince the child to spend Sunday in front of the canvases of late romanticism. This is partly due to the fact that children are tied hand and foot in decision making. If the child is sleeping, baby sling pretend that life has not changed a bit with his appearance and socially discuss the limited color scheme of Leon Bakst. When a little man wakes up, all the salomes are lost in mystery and pass into the category of "Ooooh, look what a shaggy aunt!"
A characteristic feature of the single-parent is the awesome speed with which they move through the halls of the museum. If circumstances force them to stand, then they are taken to sway from side to side. Thus, no one is naughty. In addition to the visitor with an audio guide who is standing behind a rather big (because with a sling, no hint of overweight) swinging mom and trying to see the picture.
2. Intelligent grandmother with grandchildren
He assigns a trip to the museum in two weeks, after first finding out from his grandson what he would like to see. He runs honestly through all the halls, interrogating the old caretakers in which hall Vaporon hangs. When the child finally manages to explain to her grandmother that this Pokémon that he catches today in the Tretyakov Gallery is genuinely upset. As if by chance and squinting, he asks tricky questions about Vasnetsov’s stories. But since the questions are always the same, it is not difficult for a child to answer them brilliantly every time. It can be stuck for a long time in front of a portrait of Mussorgsky, which increases the generation gap.
3. The father of the day off
He walks through the halls, figuring out how things are at school and "what did you say to him"? He tells interesting stories about his childhood, from which the child for some reason gets the picture "Invasion of Genzerich on Rome." Can arrange a fun run with herring to the next room. In response to the remark, the caretaker explains in a long and confused manner that he is with a child. Proudly shows with his hands the growth and other dimensions of the child, although he is standing nearby. Often walks through the halls with a plan in hand, but in the end it turns out that he got lost anyway.
4. The intellectual parent
Comes to introduce the child to the beautiful. Do not lisp. Pieces from the art history catalog are inserted into the fairy tale about “Three Piglets”. Easily uses words like “academism”, “engraving” and “chiaroscuro” in reference to a two-year-old. Even if this two-year-old nodded in a stroller. It is very important in which picture the child woke up, coughed or showed other signs of life. In the evening, mother will tell her friends that the baby "was imbued with Kuindzhi landscapes, and next to" Moonlit Night "he experienced such catharsis that I had to change my diaper."
He is excited at the sight of people who ask how to get to Andrei Rublev, and with his eyes he makes it clear to the child that such simple guys do not need to be friends.
5. Parents who were forced to
Such a parent comes because the teacher at the parent's meeting told them to stop by the exhibition. All the time he asks the child: “Well, what have you been asked here?” (Later it turns out that the teacher recommended a completely different one - the Darwin Museum). For some reason, he promises the child ice cream for the next hall passed in the museum.
He often looks at his watch, inwardly regretting that he had forgotten to clarify with the teacher how long it would be possible to go home. But each painting stomically stomps more than two meters wide. Laughs, seeing the name Vrubel under the picture.
6. Mom translator
A very responsible mother who paid for a children's trip and sneaks up so that the child does not lag behind - not in any sense. He tries to explain difficult points. If the guide reports that the artist Korovin painted the picture, the mother will add in a loud voice: “See, Kolya, the artist Korovin painted the picture!” If the guide asks the children the question: “Who plays the flute here?”, The mother first relayes the question to Kolya, and if Kolya does not know anything about the flute, she will try to answer the guide herself.
When Kolya tries to hide behind the sculpture, his mother amusingly pulls him out by the sleeve, which distracts the whole group from the artist Korovin. After the tour, she complains for a long time: “You are absolutely not interested in anything at all” - and runs to sign up for the next meeting with art.
7. Instamama who came for likes
A man who is not alien to the beautiful, because he always seeks out the right angles. Shouts to the child: “Wow! Look how beautiful ”- being on the stairs. Spends a lot of time to photograph a child against the backdrop of a staircase, a beautiful frame, by the window ... For some reason, he takes a selfie with his mouth open in front of museum workers.
She appreciates the avant-garde because she saw similar prints on Instagram. Acquaintance with the picture is considered exhaustive when it is possible to photograph a child against its background. If the baby is dressed in the wrong colors, signs the picture: "We will definitely come back here!".
Its path through the museum is easy to track by geotag. Very upset when a river of Chinese tourists flows through her production. She has excellent immunity to tugging at the hem of her dress, which makes it easier for a youngest family member to call her in a clothing rather than ask her to stop. Here he saw a good angle for shooting.
8. An enthusiastic parent teacher
He comes to the museum with a tail from his own and simply familiar young art lovers. He waves his hands, fervently tells stories about Greek heroes, and for no reason can fall to the floor, as if pierced by an arrow. All the time he receives comments from the museum staff, from whom he awkwardly fights off. No, he doesn’t take excursions at all, he just went out with friends to the museum. Yes, friends knee-deep. Yes, sorry, one of my friends licked a sculpture. Yes, we will no longer hide under the bench, dance in a round of fauns and crawl in a plastusky way. Although this is in order to familiarize yourself with the parquet pattern. Wait, you don’t know that children perceive information bodily?
9. Parent-fan of contemporary art
He came with his family to the museum because they wrote about it on a fashion site. Not very well oriented in space. May confuse the exhibit with the evacuation plan. Antique statues suspect that they are not of marble, but of Shea butter. Calls a wardrobe performance.
Explains to the child what the installation is, pointing to scaffolding that has not been cleaned outside. She admits that she loves pop art, which is why the child begins to feel a little embarrassed. He is delighted with any item suspended by a fishing line in the center of the hall. He says: “Conceptually” and crawls on the Internet to read a little about the object.
10. Mom is a foreign tourist
Dazzlingly smiles. He politely talks with the child, even if he is lying on the floor, stomping his feet and requires a lawyer. He compliments strangers who are suitable to see what is happening.
Fascinated by icon painting, Russian realism, can’t move away from the hounds. Spends in the museum all day. In the evening, someone is reasonably fluent in English, after which it turns out that this is not the Amber Room. Mom swears in an unknown dialect for a long time and runs away.
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