Everyone has their own internal strategy as they lead themselves to the rank of loser. Let's see how you do it! To do this, slowly ponder the following questions:
1. How do you understand, how do you know that about some things, events, situations you are a loser? That in such cases, THIS is how you need to feel? If you once got into such a situation-are you a loser? What about twice? But three? On what basis do you make such an assessment? How do you know that you need to rely on this feature? How exactly do you distinguish failure? What generalization do you use when you describe someone as a loser (for example: if a person temporarily does not have a job-he is a loser)?
2. How do you usually do that? You take a single, unrelated case of your life and you wind it up, you superlate it, you pull up everything you can remember about it, and you generalize it into a whole category of "failure"? And some facts on the contrary exclude or distort, so as not to spoil the conclusions? Is that a proven failure for you?
3. Did you know that we formulate our reality, describe our experience, using three universal modeling processes: distortion, generalization and exclusion/omission? That is, everything that happens to us at the active and passive levels of life, all the information we receive, we distort, generalize, and some of it is generally excluded. For example, you say to yourself- " I am dissatisfied with my life!". This statement itself has a bright negative connotation and then necessarily make you send thoughts about yourself and your life in the dark side. Unless you stop at the time and clarify the excluded information. What exactly is dissatisfied, in what area, for what reason, at what time, with whom, under what circumstances, etc.? This will allow you to outline only the area of life that requires attention, but not cross out all at once.
4. If you had to teach me how to feel bad. Give detailed instructions on how to "enter" the feeling of failure. As if I should have to take your place for a while in considering myself a failure. What should I think, feel, say to myself, and what should I imagine, what should I think about next, how much time should I devote to this, etc., in order to properly immerse myself in the feeling of failure? Come up with job responsibilities "loser": what, when, how much time and how to deal with such a person, who to report and what. Is that really the same as what you're doing?
5. And how do you, there are people in the world who always achieve all their goals and they are all life everything ends up in only luck, a kind of perfect winners? And if not, if everyone on this planet makes mistakes from time to time or faces failure, then all the people in the world are failures, and you have no exclusivity?
6. When you are in a state of experiencing failure and sprinkle ashes on your head, does it give you the opportunity or the right to avoid something, or Vice versa, something special to do? For example: "when I am in a state of stress, I can afford to drop things and lie in bed all day." Or: since I did not succeed in this project, undertaking, now I will not undertake anything serious at all!"And perhaps it is for you is an incredible motivation to run faster forward?
7. Do you know when and under what circumstances you acquired, adopted for yourself such a system to describe part of your experience as a failure? A formula that says one case of error or failure in something equals failure?
8. What do you think, with what probability in the endeavor that you plan can be an absolute 100% fail "? For you to start feeling like a loser, does it have to happen in the first half hour? First day or month? Or at some other time?
9. Would you recommend using the "I'm a loser" attitude in your life to your loved one, your child, your friend? Does this attitude help to effectively achieve goals, move forward, learn new things, make plans?
10. Can you admit that such thoughts are a mistake, a delusion? Would you be willing to leave them on the far periphery of your consciousness, to get rid of them as of an old unnecessary thing?
11. Have you ever thought, when you use the word "failure" with habitual ease, that this concept is only an abstraction and does not carry anything concrete-material. Only you fill it with meanings, then to experience real discomfort and experiences.
12. Imagine a world in which there is no such linguistic unit as the word "failure" or "loser", how then and in what terms would you describe your experience, what words and meanings would you use? One girl client answered this question: "Then I would say that I am a person who faces different difficulties, overcomes them and has not yet reached the goal." This formulation is quite different from -" I'm a loser, " is not it?! It is noteworthy that it refers to real actions and events, and not about abstract concepts.
After considering and pondering the questions, have you come up with any new thoughts about the scope of success and failure in life or other negative judgments about yourself? Were there any questions that could convince you to give up emotionally exhausting strategies to feel like a "loser"? Which ones would you use to help yourself and start treating your life's events as valuable experiences, feedback, and important information?
If you carefully and consistently went through all the issues, giving yourself enough time to think, then, I hope, in your head originated the idea that you have the power to slow down the conscious unwinding of harmful thought springs. To do this, you need to talk to yourself, make a decision and stop torturing yourself with abstractions such as "I'm a loser", "I always have everything wrong." And then systematically implement it, stopping himself immediately every time you "hear" in the internal broadcast of the song on this topic.
Is it possible to use your thinking, speech to strengthen your personality and give a positive or neutral tone to the events of our lives, choosing more useful meanings for yourself? With this question I want to encourage you to be more responsible and more aware of the role of words as a tool with which we construct/create our real life . Our reality is the way we talk about it, describe it, formulate it and explain it. The meaning we give to events, the world, other people and ourselves.