Physical betrayal is not the only danger that erodes the Foundation of relationships and empties the vessel of trust. There are other forms of betrayal that seem to be less terrible and therefore often less visible. They are not always paid attention to as a significant or even the main cause of chronic discord. They hide behind simple stereotyped explanation: "he/she changed", "for some reason we drifted away from each other", "we have no understanding" etc. In this case, both can note the growing discontent and complaints, constant quarrels out of nothing.
Disrespect for the partner, low loyalty to the relationship, a negative comparison, not in favor of the partner and the relationship can be harbingers of treason.
Read the list of dangerous types of betrayal for marriage and relationships. Is there anything that seems familiar and disturbing to you? If so, maybe You are dealing with betrayal or deception and it is worth reviewing Your relationship and clarify whether there is really something dangerous going on.
Imaginary responsibility.
"I'm with you until I meet someone (something) better," "I'm with you because I'm so comfortable." In such relations there is superficiality, despite the seeming cloudlessness. The partner who is betrayed often prefers to be deceived and come up with some acceptable excuse for why the other does not want to do this and that.
However, feeling this instability, may insist on marriage or childbirth, hoping thus to save and strengthen the relationship.
In such a relationship there is no real intimacy, the couple do not know the true plans and desires of each other.
When, intentionally or unconsciously, discussion of serious topics relating to the relationship is avoided, the responsibility that a man and a woman bear for each other is superficial. In such families there is no desire to make commitments to each other. This dangerous symptom indicates the conditional nature of the relationship and is likely to lead to a breakup.
Platonic relationship.
Platonic relationships often occur between people who spend a lot of time together: at work, in common companies or places of interest. Social media and the Internet can also provide greater opportunities for emotional change. In such a relationship, there is no sex, but, despite this, friends can devote each other to the most sensitive issues about themselves and their family. And when friendly communication develops more than in a couple, it is an alarming signal. Having such a boyfriend or girlfriend is not in itself a betrayal.
But there is a rule: if you feel that it will be unpleasant for Your spouse to learn that information about Your family secrets has become known to someone else-the situation becomes explosive! Because You're undermining the Foundation of the family. It's like someone else has been in the house in Your absence, invading a space that belongs only to The two of you. It can be as devastating as if you detected the scent of someone else's perfume on her / his clothes. Unintentional infidelity often begins with "friendship" and can then become emotional infidelity.
At the same time, the partner who leads such a friendship tends to justify and defend it, accusing the other of groundless jealousy and inadequate behavior. Usually a customer/client in such cases, said: "I was just with her/him communicate, do not understand what are you jealous, you're being silly, you need to calm down and take itself in hands!"Such words make the other feel less valuable.
Many begin to hide their friendship by cheating on their spouse. Often, emotional infidelity can pose a greater threat than" just sex", as the emotional connection is more difficult to complete.
Lie.
We are talking about the very lies that " salvation”, for the sake of peace in the family. It's the one that hurts trust. When a couple has secrets from each other, the knowledge of which, as they believe, will not like the partner. There is a silencing of information, so as not to provoke conflict.
But in the end, when after a while, the truth is revealed, there is an unpleasant feeling that you were deceived, not informed, deprived of the right to choose. Such a lie, although it erodes trust, does not destroy the relationship, because in the end you can discuss the reasons for such lies and look for solutions. Unlike "rescue", there is another type of lies – chronic. When one of the partners is constantly lying, regardless of the danger of something to upset the other. In this case, trust and build an open, honest relationship is extremely difficult.
"I can not understand in any way why he lies, it causes me more and more frustration and devastation! I've discussed it with him so many times, but it's no use!"- says the woman at the reception. To overcome this ingrained habit of lying is not easy, but when there is a desire to maintain a relationship and become really close, really. Perhaps, to cope with this kind of lies, you will need to seek the help of a psychologist.
Friendship against.
Often such coalition forms someone from one'with his mother (mother-in-law, mother-in-law), ostentatious with children, girlfriends or other relatives. When such a couple comes for a consultation, then out of habit this spouse tries to join a coalition and makes attempts to unite with a psychologist. Starting to complain about the picky attitude and irritability of the partner, while justifying their behavior and exposing themselves completely innocent victim of blind injustice.
A common example of such a coalition is the friendship of a wife and her mother against her husband. Almost all matters of family life: raising and caring for children, budget planning, shopping, etc., are discussed with the mother. Naturally, the mother gives advice that must be followed. The wife and mother criticize the husband's weak or negative sides, discuss how he copes with work, his parents behave well or badly, whether he eats, dresses, sleeps, walks, talks, etc.
Any disagreements with the spouse are first reported to the mother. There is a plausible excuse-he/she is very close to the mother, it always was, the mother was aware of everything that happens in the life of her daughter / son. So mother-in-law or mother-in-law constantly interfering in the family life of the couple, negatively affect it, making discord, not allowing their children to build and develop a full relationship.
When a husband is United with his mother, the wife's relationship with her mother-in-law is usually not set. In such marriages, two women compete to take the main place in the life of a man. The husband, trying to settle relations between women, makes a choice in favor of the mother, defending and justifying her.
In this difficult situation, the responsibility for the separation of the parent family and their own rests on the shoulders of each of the spouses. They need to provide their family with security and protection from invasion, to limit parental influence.