When a person goes to a psychologist, he is simultaneously faced with the desire to make his life better and with the fear of change. On some level, he has doubts: "what if it gets worse? What if the pain never ends? What if the psychologist can't understand me, can't help me? Or worse, he will betray me, after which I will never be able to trust people."
The word "resistance" has an inherent connotation of something unwanted, bad, undesirable. That's not exactly true. Resistance is not a client's fault, weakness or disadvantage. What appears in therapy as resistance is what used to help the client to survive, to cope with difficulties. Resistance protects against danger and pain. It's a man's natural caution. But those defense strategies that were once useful in the future can both protect a person and hinder him. Resistance is what hinders progress in psychotherapy.
What is resistance like?
Resistance in therapy can be anything-conversation, silence, drowsiness, tardiness, cancellation of meetings, forgetfulness, humor, lack of topics for conversation, the presence of a secret. Anything-action or inaction of the client can serve as protection against dangers and pain, i.e. to be resistance.
Sometimes it can look like a struggle with a psychologist. For example, in the movie "Clever will hunting" the main character does not want to communicate with a psychologist.
And sometimes resistance can feel like an internal struggle of the client. In the second season of "In Treatment", at her first meeting with Paul, April simultaneously wanted to tell That she had been diagnosed with cancer and did not dare to do it. She had to write.
The most dramatic is when resistance threatens psychotherapy, and the client decides to interrupt the meeting with the psychologist. In the case where the client terminates therapy, resistance does not just interfere, but excludes the possibility of receiving help. So, April, speaking about her past experience in therapy says she left angry at her therapist. She left because she didn't want to hurt the therapist's feelings by expressing her anger. It could be April's fear of losing favor with the psychologist. In case of desire to interrupt psychotherapy, it is recommended to leave 3-4 meetings to understand the reasons for this desire.
Fear of losing the love and respect of the psychologist can be one of the reasons for resistance. This type of resistance is called transfer resistance. You could see him in the first episode of the first season of "In treatment," in which Laura reveals that for a year she has been hiding her true feelings. She keeps quiet about being in love with Paul, afraid to hear His answer.
There are customers who know that there is resistance. By trying to be good clients, by trying to make their therapy as effective as possible, they avoid resistance. For example, knowing that silence is resistance, the client forbids himself to be silent, but at the same time speaks about insignificant things. And this is another form of resistance — resistance to resistance. There is no therapy without resistance.
Resistance is not only the client. Since the therapist is a person, he also protects himself from pain and dangers. In order that the resistance of the therapist does not interfere with the process of psychotherapy – the psychologist goes to his personal therapy and supervision.
What do they do with resistance in therapy?
Psychotherapy is designed not to overcome resistance, not to break it, but to understand it. First it is important see his, understand what it. Does it manifest itself in silence, in words, or in action?
And then understand from any dangers it protects. Whether the subject about which it is intolerable to think, especially to speak about it emerged. And the client is afraid to face his despair, rage or shame. Or the client is afraid that the psychologist will condemn or get angry.
Sometimes, when the dangers are named, it turns out that they are not as great as it seemed before. Or that there might be other, more effective ways to defend against them.
Therapy is not designed to destroy psychological defenses, but to make them more flexible. Let the client take a little more risk in his life. Thus getting more opportunities for a life full of pleasures.