Friends Fang message: a year ago, my husband and colleagues have an affair, I was the last person to know, the feeling of being cheated and betrayed me to cry without tears.That night, I gave him an ultimatum, either to divorce me or to completely disown the woman and call the Department.Husband regret, immediately agreed, and later in the multi-party accommodation husband was quickly transferred out of the original department, he also fulfilled his promise, and the woman completely cut off the deal.But, I don't know why, I still can't get my life back to a year ago, I no longer love in the weekend to let him accompany him shopping, no longer the kind of happy and sweet waiting for him to come home from work every day, even as he said every word and everything I do will doubt, husband and wifeI forgave him for everything he had ever done, but why can't I walk away from the betrayal of this marriage?The sky is always blue, can you tell me what to do?I'm in pain now, and I'd appreciate it if you could help me!
Sky always blue: in fact, the problem mentioned by Fang netizens is not individual cases, I have encountered many netizens before similar help, which mostly women, here I will be here to reply to them, such a reply may not achieve immediate results, some even have to talk about the method, right when some of my personal views and suggestions.
The sky always blue believes that to get out of the shadow of marital betrayal, you must work from the following four aspects:
First, try to psychologically treat each other as one of your closest children.
In this world, the most easily understood person is a child, especially when the child is his own closest child, we often wrong to pursue can be without any principle, this is the normal psychological response of most of us.Although this is harmful to children's education, I think some positive effects can be achieved if the move is applied to forgive the husband and wife's mistakes.This is a bit of a Q spirit of suspicion, in fact, is not so careful?Couples, especially men in a lot of time in each other's eyes are a less sensible child, the child's innocence, curiosity, fun and even once there are a lot of romance is brought into the marriage from love, we always complain about the married life boring, in fact, this is because less of a childlike reason, I believe that this point everyone willEven this negative is just extremely careless once in a while.Things have happened, mistakes are certain, when our own children because of a little mistake and crying nose home, when we should be to double tolerance to probation, education him?I think maybe education will be more effective than just denouncing or even beating up.Because he is not someone else, he is one of your closest children, we cannot and do not have power because he occasionally make a mistake to deprive him from happy and happy with your power to get along with you.So, we decided to forgive him from the moment to remember:he just because of fun made a mistake, but he missed or in the first time after crying nose to find us, that only we are all his, and only we can give him a home he really needs!
Secondly, try to use the psychology of empathy to analyze each other's mistakes.
The simplest and most effective way to forgive a person's mistakes is empathy.I always think that affair and derailment is a potential crisis of each marriage among the people will exist, there is no completely under heaven no principle and no deadline loyalty, betrayal often take advantage of the most casual time, and so all wake up often has taken steps, the most commendable strength and wisdom is able to timely know the wrong, andTherefore, when one party makes mistakes in marriage, it is necessary to change his position to think, and often asked himself:“if I was him, I would not be likely to make this mistake?"Have I ever thought about it myself?Even the occasional distraction?Does it really mean that I don't love him at all?If I can correct it, will I expect his forgiveness and forgiveness?"If your answers to these questions do not fully convince you of your current psychology, then you should realize how important your forgiveness and tolerance are to him and your family!"
Also, you should learn to”return to the prodigal son " psychological view of all this.
I have had contact with families who have had marital betrayals, and as a result the betrayed party has returned, and the betrayed party has forgiven the other party, so they are more in love with each other than before.The betrayal of the party will think:“fortunately, in my most dangerous time, he pulled me off the precipice, otherwise I would not be such a happy life today, I am very grateful for his generosity, have made mistakes I can only in the future days to double the action and sincere to return!"At the same time, the betrayed party will think: "he can turn back in time, take the initiative to reject all the temptations outside, and bear all the costs thus paid, even more that he is truly love me, also let me see myself in his mind."The prodigal son returns, fortune is interdependent, some things only through to know cherish, although his betrayal was a disaster, but because of his turn into today's this let him cherish each other's blessing, and I myself is not so?”
The last way is to retreat into, all the complaints and not happy all vent out, so perhaps easier to put the heart of the most fundamental to relieve the pimple.
Obviously, this method is a certain risk, but the length of the pain, hidden in the depths of the heart for the most stubborn this lump can only pain system pain, in order to solve the fundamental problem.Of course, this method must be strongly supported by the wrong side, which is what they should do, they have the obligation to bear and face the betrayal of the party all scolding even difficult, their attitude and posture will directly affect the other party to resolve resentment.But as a betrayed party, must also learn to constantly adjust their psychological vent, it is necessary to put the above three methods I mentioned at the same time, so that may be more effective.The most undesirable way is to have resentment but do not express, just blindly with indifference to punish each other and yourself, this is undoubtedly the weight of the marriage can not afford.
How to get out of the shadow of marital betrayal, the betrayal of the party is actually a true forgive and false forgive the problem, the light mouth forgive and psychological not forgive is not enough, the light to suppress their own and let the marriage cool down is just another kind of marriage perish, Yang Tang stop boiling Mo if to pay,At the same time, the party of betrayal, the most correct posture can only be sincere and repentance, light mouth said that the change is not enough, to come up with action, and from the behavior and the other side of the concern to have a big change, be sure and all the people and things have to do a complete break, so
Finally, I want to say is, out of the shadow of marital betrayal more or need time and patience, one must absolutely put an end to is: betrayed party in later life never motionless take the original betrayal said things, and the betrayal of the party also never long this past consciously owe in front of each other can not lift the head.