User Xiao Xian through the mail and I Tan Lu her husband a strange emotion, she said in the mail: Zhang teacher, Hello!I am a Beijing netizen, always like to read your article.I have been married for eight years, less than two years after marriage, my husband and I almost began to have nothing to communicate, he is not like the beginning of the marriage as willing to quiet down and I chat, what psychological words have never told me, even if it is occasionally exchange words, but also some life must dialogue, for his... I do not know why, in my psychology has always had a desire to explore him, the more he ignored me cold and not hot, the more I want to understand him, not afraid of your jokes, maybe these years I just rely on such a persistent come!But since reading your recent articles, I slowly realized that his marriage is a bit morbid,I am now very confused, always feel very cheap, why such a man is worth me to pay for his life?What should I do?Please advise the teacher!
In fact, for users xiao xian's confusion, I was not the first contact, as early as half a year ago there was a female netizens and I mentioned similar problems, their problems are quite a part of men's privacy, so here today I talk about men's privacy and related topics.
We have to admit that most men are”single-faced and complex " animals.This and their social division of labor, they almost a lifetime to fight outside, and a variety of people to deal with, exchange survival chips, they often in order to reflect their value, and had to create a variety of ideas in the hearts of privacy, over time this kind of privacy has become their enemy and survival, so successful men have theirEven in weight, they are inseparable from privacy, otherwise their dreams and life will be dry, become no vitality.
In real life, however, few women really understand and accept men's privacy, they simply see it as a harbinger of an affair, even men's selfishness and marital infidelity, thus resulting in some unnecessary marriage crisis.
In fairness, this crisis is actually caused by both men and women, the man's mistake is not allowed to make a good conversion between social undertakings and family feelings, and the woman's lack of initiative is not close to the man, into his heart, a lot of communication with him, just blindly suspicion, to bring more pressure and confusion to men.
In fact, the key to solve this problem is that women should understand what men have can not say the privacy, these privacy is generally reasonable or individual indecent, they will not constitute a crisis in marriage, only to clear these problems, in order to prevent and remedy from the root, but not like the previous netizen xiao xian just rely on a
So what does most men have that privacy that they can't touch?
First privacy:privacy for politics and business
Men are ambitious, and perhaps their ambition will be somewhat childish and funny, but this is the power of their lives.Therefore, women should be able to allow and accept the existence of men this kind of privacy, men do not tell you that there is a reason not to tell you, but not a woman think "don't trust you, treat you as an outsider" as simple, if a man told you, you have to keep his secret, no matter how ridiculous it
Second Privacy:privacy for childhood fantasy
In the course of growing up, almost every man has made more mistakes than women, and it is precisely this men are more superior than women wealth.The vast majority of these errors with the psychological maturity and the changes of the years have been forgotten, and there must be a few extremely precious things still remain in the memory of men, men will regard them as treasures, can not be good to others.In short, these privacy may be the first time accidentally see the memory of the woman's body, there may be accustomed to the grandmother humming lullaby sleeping that comfortable, even it will be the front desk female classmates with a smile...... in short, they can be trivial, the first time, familiar with the habit, even small....... but in any case can not
Third privacy:for the beauty of the privacy of food
As the saying goes: hero sad beauty concept.It is the truth that beauty is a chasm that every man's life is difficult to overcome, even the hero is no exception,it has nothing to do with the man's character and great insignificance.Genetically speaking, men see the right beauty will pan out secret tenderness and romantic fantasy, this tenderness may be a long look at a smile, this fantasy may be a hint of fragrance between hair, even they may be the collapse of the moment and the loss of the principle of reason.....In any case, these secret changes will be available to every man, as to what will be the result of the man's cultivation and self-control, but not as some women naive imagination:“he is a very orthodox man, he does not think so!""In fact, the key problem is only that some men behave "morally", some men are intuitive and casual.But the truth is that the more respectable A man is, the more he sees this kind of mishap as a great privacy.
Fourth privacy:privacy for a sense of humbleness
Most of the hero's heart is sad, and this kind of sadness has become virtually most of the "hero" complex man's heart a mishap.On the one hand they are strict with themselves, work hard to make money, so as to realize the value of self-life, to meet the needs of self - “heroism”; but on the other hand, in reality they are always met with a nose gray, many things can only backfire.So a huge gap let them pain, confused, but the appearance also pretended to be strong, to prove their own strong, so long as they will be all sorts of other reasons to seek a spiritual decompression and emotional vent, the specific performance may be:when he saw other people's children smart and cute to learn, he will suffer from their own.In fact, their heart is not clear, as the child's father and the head of the family how can shirk the responsibility?But they are men, and the frustration is that they need to find a“heroism”at home.
Fifth privacy:privacy for the suffering shame
Men's success, in fact, is not only achieved by the ability and sweat.Due to the pressure of survival and the mentality of quick success, men may have to endure the suffering and even learn to endure”the humiliation of Han Xin."And these things, whether it is a man from the sense of duty of marriage or for the protection of their own personal dignity, are not easily told to others, including his wife, which has nothing to do with the depth of love, perhaps this is the "man's chest like the sea" best embodiment of it.
So, from the above five kinds of privacy men are prevalent, men are lonely, their privacy is their own very cherished soul space, where the cohesion of their human nature.The best thing about a couple's relationship is to be close to each other in good faith and understanding of the true spiritual space, and at the same time trying to be close to it, to allow it to be private and reasonable and confused distance.As a man woman, but also to learn to take the initiative, warmth, tenderness and body care, to resolve and dilute the man's heart because of these privacy and the formation of loneliness, frustration and guilt.