The best hits from psychotherapeutic practice, which helped many people to look at the situation differently
The musicians always have certain tracks-hits that people like the most, and so they try to play them at concerts and release separate collections of "the Best hits of the group so-and-so."
I have in practice, too, there is certain phrase, which helped hundreds of people.
Sometimes I think it would be nice if they taught it in schools. But then we psychologists would have fewer clients. :)
Let me remind you (in case anyone has forgotten) that I work in the cognitive behavioral approach, and it will have its own "characteristic" expressions, like "what is the probability that you will do your homework?", and, most likely, there will be expressions peculiar to other approaches, for example, "what does your inner child say about this?".
In addition to these typical phrases, which frame, structure the session and to provide the framework for conversation, there are still some other life.
Which turn the view of the situation 180 degrees. I want to mention a couple of them today.
#1: "This is normal»
Normally:
* angry
* fear
* experience other negative emotions
* not being able to do something
* not wanting to do something
* want to look good in other people's eyes
• and so on and so forth
In particular, with regard to the experience of emotions, hundreds, hundreds of people are convinced that something wrong, abnormal is happening to them, simply because they experience negative emotions.
Or because they experience them for too long (in their opinion). Or because there are right and wrong emotions in their perception. Or because they think other people don't feel that way. "Still act as if nothing had happened," says the client, " no one is as worried as I am."
Psychologist Robert Leahy developed the concept of so — called emotional circuits-a set of beliefs in a person about his emotions. How he assesses them, and how he reacts to them. For example, a person may have such beliefs: "Resentment should not last long" and " being Angry is wrong." This will be his emotional scheme.
According to research by R. Leahy, some schemes lead to worsening depression, to the emergence of feelings of shame and other problems with well-being.
No. 2: "Let's take his place / what would you do in his place?»
The phrase is especially good when discussing social anxieties and fears. Here, for example, is a story: a client says that while skating at the rink, she can fall. This is an extremely unpleasant prospect, because everyone who sees it will react negatively: she imagines judgmental, mocking faces trying to suppress a grin, many will think that she is clumsy and awkward.
"Let's take the place of any visitor and imagine that you came to the rink. Riding, you saw that one girl fell. How would you react? How would you react to this situation?»
The change of point of view is instantaneous: there are not many clearly hostile people. Some most of the people do not pay attention: well, fell and fell. I didn't fall, thank God.
Another large part (including the client) feel sympathy for the fallen and understanding of the situation. Sympathy, but not condemnation and a desire to mock.
The effect of a broken record
Recently I read a story from Michael Crichton's memoirs about his personal psychotherapy. Michael Crichton is a famous and talented science fiction writer, Director, screenwriter and producer. I think you know the TV series "Ambulance", where he was a producer, and the films "Jurassic Park", which were filmed on his book.
So he wrote that he went to therapy, and his therapist, like a broken record, repeated to him the same phrases "Time will tell" or "you Can not make an omelette without breaking eggs." Michael was unpleasantly surprised by this formalism and angry: how is it, he was indignant, I pay $ 60 an hour for something to talk about my failed relationship, and in response to hear about the omelette?!
Nevertheless, he continued to go to the therapist and continued to listen and about the time, and about the omelette, and even about the " Fury in hell-nothing compared to the abandoned woman". And finally it dawned on Crichton that some of the laws of life had been created long before he was born. And life was not going to make exceptions for him. Although he this very-very wanted to.
So: this is normal. This is normal. That's normal, too. Stand in his place, what would you do in such a situation?