Why is it difficult to accept compliments and how to learn how to do it
It says here about interiors, but you can apply to any other occasion to receive compliments: from a new haircut to graduation.
Have you ever caught yourself on the fact that if you praise your new carpet, or note how well matched your curtains to the Wallpaper, you feel uncomfortable? And even you can start as if to justify or downplay the merits? Most likely, you just find it difficult to accept compliments or you do not know how to do it.
Two poles
The feeling of awkwardness after a compliment arises from the fact that the content of the compliment does not correspond to self-esteem about it
Many people like to be praised. They are happy to listen to flattering words, and their glowing face is literally written: "Let's have more." Most likely, in response to a compliment, they will excitedly brag about how many more things they bought or invented.
But there are other people who find it hard to deal with compliments and praise. They can be irritated, upset, do not believe, but simply hate at this moment themselves, the speaker and the subject of conversation.
Someone can not find the words to respond to a compliment. Someone immediately begins to tell that in fact he managed to grab this thing on the cheap at a sale — as if ashamed of his real merits.
Compliments and self-esteem
In most cases, how we respond to compliments is a reflection of our self-esteem and a deep sense of self.
A compliment causes an internal contradiction between its content (positive) and the content of self-esteem (negative or understated), this contradiction provokes discomfort. It is not necessary that you have a generally low self-esteem, it may be that you underestimate yourself specifically in the very area about which they say.
How to learn to accept compliments
In fact, there are few answers to compliments. More precisely, there is only one option that looks dignified and confident: you just need to smile, try to look into the eyes and say thank you, and then shut up. That's the most important thing. Say no more!
How to accept compliments: (1) smile, (2) say thank you, (3) shut up. That is all.
In the same way, by the way, you should accept applause if you speak: just stand, be silent and smile at the audience.
I am convinced that it is worth taking the time to learn to accept compliments. After all, every time we cope with receiving a compliment or praise, we take one step on the road of developing adequate self-esteem.
Also, don't forget that there is a second side to this process: the person giving the praise. Symbolically, your communication is an exchange of small coins. He gave you a coin because he thought it was the right thing to do and because he thought it was the right thing to do. What did you do?" Throw it on the floor? Silently put them in his pocket, pretending it didn't happen? Or pounce on a man with stories about how beautiful you are, as if begging for more coins?
People expect that the exchange of coins will be equivalent. You were given one — and you gave one back. It is well written about this in Eric Byrne's book " Games played by people. People who play games."
Homework
1. Make a list of 10 traits of your character that you like. Take a moment to reflect on this list. How is it that you have these traits? What do you do to make them develop or new ones appear?
2. Observe the people around you for a couple of weeks: what they do for you. Sometimes say nice words, it help once you. By observing and reflecting on these actions, you will train yourself to accept compliments.
3. Imagine that this is not a compliment, but a small gift. How would you react in this case? Would they also deny and belittle their own merits? Most likely, you would have accepted this gift. Compliments, too.
4. Try at the end of a good day to go to the mirror and say aloud: "Well done!"or" you did a great job Today!"If you feel that you are insincere, or feel irritated, it is a sign that you should try again. Maybe tomorrow. But as long as you can not in response to the dignity to say to yourself: "Thank you. I appreciate it." And feel, that say genuinely.
It is very important to learn to accept praise. The only way you can sincerely thank in return. And you will understand that people in General are worthy of approval and positive feedback, despite possible flaws in the character or negative actions. Including you.