Perhaps it is impossible to find a person who has never asked this overly complex question: "What is happening to me? Is it love or just infatuation? Maybe I just got carried away."or even so :" how to understand, I love the spouse or already isn't present? If I don't, what is it that I feel? Maybe it's just affection.»
Man is so arranged that he must necessarily, at all costs, to understand and dot the i, after which it would seem, it is possible to make a decision: to stay together, build a house, plant a tree and raise a son, or to part, because it is hopeless, and not to waste time. And if it so happened that this feeling arose at the wrong time, and even in relation to the wrong person, then in General only hold on, you must immediately find the exact definition of what is happening, and then you will break the wood.
In this article I will try to answer the question of how to understand the difference between love and dislike, love, affection, Hobbies and so on.
Many people believe that love cannot be scientifically investigated because it cannot be measured. However, psychologists have managed, for example, to find a connection between early childhood experiences and the experience of love in adulthood.
The psychology of love is so vast, it has so many different theories and discoveries that it is difficult to give any unambiguous and true answer, what is love. But let us choose the most practical and the simplest of all that this wonderful science of psychology offers us.
Love or sympathy?
Back in the 60s of the last century, the American psychologist Zeke Rubin made a "test of love" and tried it on several hundred people. Zeke Rubin identified three components of love: affection, care, and intimacy in a relationship; and three components of sympathy: some degree of respect, admiration, and perceived resemblance to oneself.
Initially, the" Scale of love and sympathy " Zeke Rubin consisted of 80 questions, he later reduced it to 26 questions, 13 for love and 13 for sympathy. Indeed, and that here so long measure something? Even later, this scale was reduced to 4 questions per feeling. You can go through the full version of the 13 questions of the Scale of love and sympathy Zeke Rubin, and here is a brief version:
The dimension of sympathy:
I think that ... - calm and stable person.
I trust his opinion (her opinion).
I think that ... - for the most part balanced person.
I think that ... - one of the people that I like the most.
Measurement of love:
I have a strong feeling that ... belongs only to me.
I like it when she ... trusts me.
For . I ready (and) absolutely on all.
It's easy for me to ignore his (her) mistakes.
Accordingly, if most of your answers, expressed more strongly, refers to the block of sympathy-then most likely you have sympathy for the person. Conversely, if most of your answers are likely to relate to the block of love-then most likely-it is love.
Love-friendship or love-passion?
American psychologist Elaine Hatfield devoted more than one year to the study of love. Hatfield believes, that sense of love case two species: love-friendship and love-passion. Love-friendship consists of feelings respect, trust and attachment, and love-passion characterized by whole complex of intense of emotions and sexual attraction.
According to Hatfield, how long will last love-depends on the so-called style of child affection. Each child, according to this theory, develops a certain type of attachment to the parent (or to the adult caring for him). There are four types of attachments: one secure attachment and three insecure — dual, avoiding and disorganized. People with a child's secure attachment tend to love long and deeply, and falling in love with people with an insecure type of attachment will happen quickly and briefly.
In order for love to happen, three factors are necessary:
the right time: you have to be "ready" to fall in love;
a suitable character: he must be attractive, gentle and somewhat similar to ourselves;
the appropriate type of child affection: it depends on whether it is love-passion or love-friendship, as well as how long this feeling will last.
In addition, Elaine Hatfield has developed a "love-passion Scale" and "love-friendship Scale", which allow you to determine which of these two feelings you have.
Love or infatuation?
Psychologist Dorothy Tennov and psychiatrist Scott peck argue that love and love are completely different things, and it is not necessarily that love will grow into love.
Love is an obsession, euphoria, emotional outburst, storm of hormones:
we do not choose who to fall in love with, and as much as we would like to fall in love purposefully, most likely, it will not work;
when we fall in love everything is easy and we don't have to do anything special;
during love, we do not aspire to anything, just to stay longer in this beautiful pink foam of feelings;
when we are in love, we feel an incredible closeness, the ability to move mountains and overcome all obstacles, feel the undivided possession of another person (well, or want to feel it);
when we are in love, we do not notice any shortcomings in the object of our feelings, or notice these shortcomings, but do not attach any importance to them: "Son, she has been constantly treated in a psychiatric clinic for the last years! - Come on, mom, come on, she was discharged three months ago!!»
love does not last forever, it ends (on average from 3 months to 2 years);
in a lifetime, falling in love can happen only a few times or never at all.
But love is something else:
it is a conscious choice, self-discipline, work on yourself and on relationships;
love takes time and effort;
the desire to be together, the intention to try for the good of another;
the desire to develop, grow, and the desire for the partner to grow and develop;
acceptance of the partner as he is, with all its advantages and disadvantages;
love can last for years.