Painful experiences about “what the pack will say” are characteristic of the overwhelming number of people. Which is logical, and is rooted in biology. If the animal does not obey the laws of the pack, then it will become an outcast. And outcasts find it difficult to survive.
The topic of “what the flock will say” has always been close to me because I was well placed in the gut of fear that other people will think.
And all would be nothing, and even useful, because this fear is needed to protect the person himself.
However, if this fear of ours sat quietly and called when we go too far, then there would be no problems. But sometimes, and even often, such fear makes us neurotic, and this, at least, is uncomfortable in life.
If you react to any “collision”, to any disagreement with your opinion extremely sharply, it makes sense to discuss with a psychologist how to get this fear out of you and transform it.
But you can do something yourself. And if such technologies also become your habit, then you can make it much easier on your own.
So, there was a situation in which I had to conflict.
Aunt Mana at work did not like that you leave an unfinished cup of coffee on the common dining table, during the day you add coffee to yourself and wash the cup, oh horror! only in the evening.
Aunt Mani’s neurosis is even worse than yours, because she went to the middle of the office and shouted at you loudly.
What is going on with you? Shock, misunderstanding, shame, shame, "what they think about me" !!!!
This shame can be felt in the body. What is he like? For example, this feeling of something dark in your head, it begins to descend through the body, spreads into the hands. And now, they are already trembling with you.
And Aunt Manya? Although she’s shorter than you, but if you close your eyes and imagine Aunt Manya in front of you, she takes out the ceiling with her head.
And most importantly, these are your colleagues. They, they saw and heard everything ...
And what picture of colleagues now looms before you? Are these rats laughing at the corners with an evil grin?
Well, they collected and determined what appeared in the body in this situation (something dark in the head and hands), how Aunt Manya sees you and how your colleagues see you.
About the dark in you. If you study this include (introject), then the likelihood that it has repeatedly manifested in you for many years of your life in such situations is huge.
What does this mean? This means that once in a certain situation this feeling has formed in you, and as soon as you get into a similar situation, it fills you instantly and thoroughly.
If you find yourself in such situations over and over again, then you feel it constantly, and there is little joy from this. Neurosis blooms and smells. True, you may not be aware of this.
In general, with such inclusions in the body you need to work seriously, look at the situation in which you first formed it, study this situation, resource you in that situation, look at what beliefs you formed after it, etc. (in integrated neuroprogramming this technology is called PARKUR). And in general, you can dig up and transform a lot of interesting things. But you are unlikely to do it yourself.
What can you do yourself?
Pull this feeling out of yourself and try to transform it: change the color, texture (for example, a stone is felt, make it a sponge), give it a nice shape, etc.
Such a transformation will bring you to life at least for a while.
As for Aunt Mani and colleagues. Here you need to pull yourself together to have fun.
The main thing, remember, all your pictures of Aunt Mani are yours and only your inner world. You can change it as you wish, you are the master of the situation. You are the boss to choose how to respond to Aunt Manu and other people.
Of course, it would be nice to make such a view a part of your picture of the world, but since Aunt Manya still ended up under the ceiling, it means that you have not yet become the master of your inner world. So ...
... we take Aunt Manyu mentally by the scruff of her neck, tear it off the ceiling, lower her in office, make her small and not remote. Let it hang under your feet. You can give her a kick. The main thing is to make it easier for you. And it will happen if you are really tired that some aunts of Manka spoil your mood.
We do the same with the rat faces of our colleagues. You can, of course, give their faces noble features, but it may turn out that you will be ashamed of them again, they are so noble, and you don’t wash your cup only in the evening, burn you in hell.
Therefore, it is best to transform the pictures so that you are funny.
Laughter not only prolongs life, it heals mental wounds. And there is an opportunity to heal your wounds at least a little right now.
After five minutes of such transformations, you will go quietly to drink coffee.
Do you put the cup back on the dining table? I do not know)). This will be a new story.