Now I'm going to ask you to disconnect from external stimuli, relax and think, what kind of man do you want to see next to you? Surely in your pretty head has already formed a detailed list of mandatory qualities. Smart, determined, kind, generous... what about honesty?
For many women the criterion “that the man was honest " is super important. Because there is already a negative experience. Think about it, maybe on your way already come across men who hung pounds of noodles on your cute ears?
Or your best friend in tears complained to you about guys storytellers? And now you think that men are by nature deceitful creatures who sleep and see how to deceive you naive and trusting?
Let me allay your fears. Men do not have the genetic function of " lying to your woman.” Most often they are forced to do so by circumstances, and now I will explain to you in as much detail as possible what.
Why do men lie?
I hope I'm not opening up America to you when I say that it depends a lot on you how honest and open your relationship will be.
And if before you there was a liar-it you for some reason chose him or created such situation in which he began to lie. On your first date, I don't think you thought he was a storyteller. I bet you were thinking, " Oh, I like him so much, we match the Zodiac sign, we even joke the same way. We're the perfect couple!” But at some point everything goes wrong.
Why does a man start lying? Because he can't tell you the whole truth. Imagine for a second that a man turns off the function "lie for good" and he turns into a truth-teller. To the question, “Honey, I look good in this dress” your companion will reply “Listen, you have to his ass is too flat. It would suit your friend Svetka better." Would you like that truth?
Let me guess how you'd react.:
* Would open her mouth in surprise, grimaced, angry.
* Rolled her man a terrible scandal.
* Played the game " I'm offended and I'm not talking to you."
• Made to go through seven circles of hell, but would you have forgiven him.
By your actions you conveyed to him without words “ " How dare you tell me the truth, darling? I don't need it. Better lie."
This is the dissonance: you want to hear only the pleasant truth. So he'd say, " of course, that dress fits you better than a supermodel. Let me buy it for you." And their real thoughts let your partner alone.
Most women consciously program men to lie to them. Only in this case next boyfriend will be a happy girl instead of a monster, ready to bite his head off.
Let's consider another version of the truth. He says to you, “honey, I like you, but you've lost control of yourself. Gained 10 pounds, stopped wearing makeup, wearing sexy lingerie." What would your first reaction be? Criticism and accusation. You want to protect your personal boundaries and self-esteem, so you begin to reproach the man: "and you did not gain? Lying like a seal on the couch, I already forgot when the last time something heavier than a fork in his hands held." And all, in house began would local the cold war.
“Your mother pisses me off, all your friends are stupid, and in General I do not want to go with you to the Park tomorrow, it would be better to go fishing.” Where is the guarantee that after an honest confession of this magnitude, you will not file for divorce?
You all want honest men, but you don't know how to take their truth with dignity. In a certain situation you consider honesty an insult, and your childish complexes begin to attack the man.
And he makes the simplest decision: do not tell the woman the truth, because she will be unhappy. It is easier for a man to lie, tell half-truths, get away from the conversation than to receive reproaches and claims from you.
My dear, if you want a man to be honest with you, you have two choices.:
* Learn to accept the truth. Even if it is unpleasant and hurts self-esteem.
* Do not ask a man questions with a trick, live an illusion. Don't ask him for feedback that might hurt you.
Your choice is a demonstration of your level of adulthood, the level of development of relations. And if you're not ready to hear the truth from a man-no one will judge you. But you then do not be offended and don't complain to her friends that “He's lying to me”.
Now let's discuss why a man doesn't keep his word. Promised something-and not performed. Is this a pathological liar? And it's time to pack your bags and run from him, flashing heels? Honey, you know it's not that simple.
Why doesn't a man keep his word?
First of all, I want to ask you: why do you think that he should live only according to the scheme “the man said – the man did”? You'll probably say, " well? Because he is a man, he must." Now try to get into his skin for a second and look at the situation from the other side.
Imagine: he promised to take you to an expensive restaurant (at the resort, the nearest Park – does not matter). But these seven days were really hellish. And he has neither the strength, nor the desire, nor the ability to fulfill his promise.
Who is he after that? Liar, liar, nepomuscene? No. Your main mistake is that you take his words as an unbreakable guarantee. Tomorrow there will be an Apocalypse, a volcanic eruption, a flood... You that, all the same you will go to restaurant? Is that it?
And for some reason, many choose one of two options:
* Just passively wait and do nothing. While he takes you to the Maldives to buy a fur coat or wash the dishes. And incidentally to drip on his brain and remind him “You owe me”.
* Turn on the fish-saw mode, constantly criticize, cancan dance on his male ego. Tell me, who told you the scheme: “I kick him painfully – and he will immediately begin to prove something, become a man”? Trust me, it doesn't work.
Honey, if you continue to act like this in the future, the promises of men in your life will not be fulfilled. If on a question “and what I have to make to receive from it the car, the permit on the sea, the washed ware?"you say,' I don't owe anyone anything, ' then I'm sorry. You'll wait until you're old for him to act like a man.
Let's look at another example. Beautiful wedding, the bride and groom say vows, promise to love forever. Admit it, it's doubtful any of them were lying. Now imagine that this man, whom the bride promised to love forever, just lay a log on the sofa. Gets a penny salary, drinks beer and doesn't want to do anything. To him comes his woman and says “ " Know, I of course promised love you forever, but I want be happiest. I see, that you nothing in life need not, us with you not on path. Sign the divorce papers."
And then he's like rising from the couch and says “You promised me. Were you lying”" Stupid, right? Because a woman thinks, " who cares? I promised it to the man I loved, the man I chose a few years ago. You're different now. And I have the right to be happy, and there is some promise?”
My dear, it is the same with men. He gives you a promise at a certain moment, in a certain state, mood – there are many factors. And you do not want to take into account these nuances and immediately take an offended pose “and he promised me.”
Learn to be calm about it: Yes, it happens, a man did not keep his word. This is not a reason to slam the door and go look for another or eat the guy's brain with a teaspoon. Only depends on you what will happen next:
* You will take the situation normally. You will become his motivator, you will not roll up hysterics from scratch – and the man will want to please you.
* You take offense, panic, resent, reproach. And finally discourage a man from doing anything for you.
Or you can just walk up to your man and say, “Honey, you know, you promised me this and this.
And can you advise me as a woman, how I better behave and what not to do to make your promises come true? I think it's my fault." And just listen to what he has to say.
A man will sort everything out for you, but the truth will not always be pleasant. And you, my dear, must be prepared for that.