One day I will write a book about the paradoxical nature of the human psyche. Serious. This idea has been in my head for 4 years. At some point, I suddenly put the disparate facts into a pattern and realized that, in fact, the mythical "psychological health" is not just somewhere in the Golden middle of the scales of all polarities, it is not just in the balance, not just in the ability to switch...
It is at some level hidden in paradoxes. To build healthy relationships, you need to be self-sufficient. To develop, you need to accept yourself as you are. To do a good job, you need to take a decent fee for it, but do it not for the money. The more you understand something, the more doubts can cause simple questions. Remember that life can end at any time, and at the same time make plans for the future... And do not go crazy, knowing that all of the above-the parameters of psychological health:) (of course, in my understanding)
I won't list it all, but I do keep a list and I do collect these weird facts about us. By the way, I believe that our brain and, as a consequence, our psyche - the greatest gift of nature and its greatest curse. With all our achievements and our development, only we have thought of wars, hatred and, sorry, neuroses. But now not about this.
How many times have I heard in different variations of the idea that"angry - bad (can not).".. I can't even count. But I could calculate what percentage of people with such beliefs have one of the characteristic psychological problems. And I wouldn't even have to use my brain to count. Why do you think that is?
And there is an explanation. Emotions don't work that way. In one of the previous posts I wrote about it. We do not have the mute button of a particular sense (actually, I share the concept of "emotions" and "feelings", but until I wrote this post, we'll consider them synonyms ). Emotions are our body's signal that something is happening.
Imagine some ancient state.
The scout resorts to the Tsar and speaks: "Your Highness! Our borders are under attack! Something must be done! Urgently raise the troops!".
The sovereign rises from his throne and, glaring angrily, says: "How dare you, you scoundrel, talk to me about war?! I am reputed to be the most generous and good ruler in the district, and you call on me to raise troops!".
Turns to the commander-in-chief: "More to this was not!". The commander-in-chief, a wise man, thinks, "you are an ass, of course..."and said aloud: "Yes, my Lord", bows and (nowhere to go) binds to the scout, into his mouth with a dirty gag and cast into prison.
Well, there, as you might guess, already a whole army of scouts recruited.
And then not-taking his anger eventually leads to one or more of the following problems:
Irritability.
Repressed anger accumulates inside and, when the vessel overflows, pours over the edges on seemingly insignificant occasions, in an inadequate form and degree. After such an outburst, a person usually feels guilty and ashamed, so he decides to try twice as hard to restrain his anger.
"Yes, Yes, that's exactly what happens!"- I often hear when I describe such a situation as a variant of what can happen to a person if he does not accept his anger. Perhaps I could become a fortune teller. Or fortune tellers.
Dependence.
Since the psyche, in fact, is trapped (anger still occurs, but it contradicts the opinion of itself as a good kind person), it is looking for ways to somehow get away from the unbearable state or at least reduce its intensity. Fixation on something external, indirect ways of obtaining pleasure and self-love or anesthesia come to the rescue.
Psychosomatics.
Repressed feelings accumulate and begin to poison the body, causing various psychosomatic problems. Being sick is more socially acceptable than being angry, right? Here you and attention, and sympathy, and justification for what anywhere.
Depression, apathy.
Apparently, it is more difficult for our psyche to selectively displace feelings than to reduce sensitivity to emotions in General. At least, the situation of apathetic-depressive state, when you do not want anything, little touches and at the same time somehow all this is painful, I meet much more often than when "falls" any one particular emotion.
Passive (indirect) aggression.
Aggression, not being accepted and expressed directly, finds an outlet in indirect forms. For example, such people constantly violate the boundaries of others. And do not notice it. They say monologues so that they, excuse me, not shut up, they are late for a meeting or other delay after the end of the allotted time, they are aggressively trying to convince of something of others, to impose their own opinion or "help" they try to control everything around and poke their nose in their business, they criticize, condemn, evaluate and comment on, or ignored, they sabotage common undertakings, in breach of the rules of the community (group, organization), which comprise, etc., etc. ways of manifestation of passive aggression perhaps an infinite number.