We, the inhabitants of the former Soviet Union, do not feed bread, let someone criticize. Assess, to tell, as him correctly to live and that to do. And why the way he lives and what he does is wrong and bad. We're all so perfect, aren't we? It is only necessary to teach others how to become the same ideal, and then we will live! And that as gratitude criticized and trained wants to kill us, so it he is a fool some psychotic, does not understand the happiness.
But, as psychologists-those still jerks and loonies, they, as usual, were engaged in any nonsense and all out of spite thought up "rules of constructive criticism". They also say that when you point out a person's shortcomings, you have to choose how you say it, imagine! Actually, it confirms the fact that they take money for anything. All normal people know that any man that say where he screws up and how to act correctly, must appreciate that with him free of charge sharing great wisdom and (!) EXPERIENCE! And these charlatans again made a smart look and sucked out of the finger some rules where everything is clear.
0. If you are going to share your vision in response to complaints and talk about difficulties, first of all - LISTEN to the person, SUPPORT him, SYMPATHIZE.
When we have a difficult experience, it is often difficult for us to immediately switch to the solution of the problem. First you need to" react " feelings (Express, let them go, freeing up internal space for something else), and then move on to the analysis and development of a plan of action.
1. Before giving someone feedback, make sure they need it.
How to do it? The easiest way is to ask. "Look, I have some thoughts on what you can do to handle the situation. I can share them if you want. Are you ready to listen now?"
And it's not just a formality. WAIT for the fucking ANSWER! And treat him with respect. If a person says that it was not necessary, then it is not necessary!
2. All You're going to say is your opinion.
Be aware of it, proceed from it, remember it, feel it, speak with such a message. It is difficult to overdo it, it is better to say 10 times that this is only Your opinion than to create the slightest feeling of pressure in a person.
Some exceptions are situations in which You act as an expert to whom explicitly asked for help. And it does not always depend on the area in which you are an expert, on the specific situation and your goals.
3. Use " I-statements."
When it comes to a conflict situation, this becomes especially important. Instead of saying " You are .... (and further a long list)", better say "When you one takes .... I feel it ....".
Attention! "When you do .... I can feel you .... (and further a long list)" - not is " I-utterance."
4. Criticism should be about behavior, not personality.
The worst thing You can do with this point is to tell the person what he is and who he is. In the vast majority of cases, the answer is to find out where You should go. Well, or he will send You not aloud, but in thoughts. Comment on EXCLUSIVELY action.
Attention! "You're acting like ..... (long list)" is not a phrase about actions.
5. Avoid evaluative epithets (bad-good, right-wrong, stupid, ridiculous, funny, ashamed, mean, etc.). And even more so especially colorful their forms (disgusting, disgusting, etc.).
If no assessment will not do, let it be very emotionless and objective. A good version of the "efficient-inefficient", for example.
6. Use examples.
Unsubstantiated feedback is ineffective. Even if it's positive. Every thought should be confirmed by a fact-an example, where the manifestation of what You are talking about is most clearly demonstrated.
7. Any feedback should start with a positive.
Praise first. To note that it turned out well. Pros must outweigh! They should not be expressed formally. REALLY FIND what the person has turned out (turns out) well in this situation. Learn to do it. Find the pros, sincerely recognize their value. And when you give positive feedback, also confirm it with examples.