Everything seems normal, but the background is some discomfort, it is not clear what associated. How often do You encounter this feeling?
Usually in such situations we think: "Nonsense any. Stop wasting your brain on nothing! I need distraction." And distracted, of course.
Option working, but not really very useful. The habit of closing oneself off from one's feelings, of ignoring them, is not very psychologically useful. If not say " very not useful."
At least half of the psychological difficulties, unpleasant symptoms and problems that people turn to psychologists, one way or another associated with such a habit.
And 100% to switch is hard enough: usually a bad background somewhere in the back of his mind still periodically makes itself felt.
I offer you another method, which I myself have long and successfully use. It is not only healthier, but also helps to constantly develop and become more aware.
The algorithm consists of several simple steps:
1. The first thing to notice is that something is wrong
Without habit, we do not notice our background state at the moment of its appearance. Sometimes weeks pass before a person clearly and consciously remarks: "and I'm not in shape..."He starts to remember recent situations, and often it turns out that he was less effective in them than usual.
To prevent this from happening, you need to learn to notice your non-resource state in time.
In my experience, each of us has a fairly familiar weaknesses and, as a result, the "favorite" non-resource States in which we fall when these weaknesses are affected.
And it would be good to know the signs by which you can determine that You are in one of these States got.
For example, I have symptoms can be tension in the neck and head (from bodily sensations), anxiety, a little self-doubt in situations where I usually feel confident, etc.
How to know your signs? When once again you notice that the state You have is not the best, ask yourself the question, how Did you understand it. Sensations in the body, behavior, attitude to people/yourself, a normal reaction to a situation etc.
I suggest to remember these signs and to treat them attentively in the future.
2. You've already noticed the discomfort. Now we need to determine what it is, and where it came from
The question I usually ask myself is, what kind of emotion does it feel like? What's it? Resentment, guilt, shame, anxiety, sadness, disappointment?
Here it is worth noting that the nature of the activity I used to refer to their feelings and quite familiar with them. So often I can find the answer right away. But and I have accented cases, when it is unclear. Something unpleasant, and I don't know what it is, it's too deep.
If you cannot get an answer, you can repeat the question after the next step..
3. Determine the momentum. If you listen to your body, what impulse arises in it? What do I want to do now?
It is very important to get the answer is not rational, namely listening to the feelings.
Here is a good example. Imagine a person who is in an important negotiation, but hungry. If he asks himself what he wants now, he may have at least two different answers.
"I want to successfully complete the negotiations and get this contract." And this is a rational answer, as if "from the head".
"I'm hungry," his body would say.
This example is reduced to physical sensations, but it conveys the essence. You need to find it "the desire body".
Common options, what you want in an uncomfortable state: cry; scream; curl up and hide a blanket; to take care of me; to tell me that everything is fine; beat/destroy/break something; relax, etc.
After we have received the answer (if we have), if necessary, we can go back to the previous step with the question: "Well, when I want this, what emotion can it be like?". Very often, understanding an impulse helps determine the feeling from which it is born.
4. The last stage of diagnosis refers to the cause of the unpleasant emotional background
As a rule, we can not immediately determine why there was such a state. And then I propose to conduct some kind of investigation to find the causes.
I try to determine the time frame of the state, and then they gradually narrow.
To measure out the weeks, I remember last weekend. What was I doing? Was this a bad background?
Let's say the answer is: "No, there was no background, the state was resource." Well, now I know something happened this week. Further I go by days.
What was Monday? How did I feel? Good. Okay, Tuesday? Also good. Environment? Yes, there was discomfort on Wednesday.
I remember waking up. What was the condition? No, woke up as usual, nothing like that. Means event in for days.
How was my Wednesday? I define some situations-milestones from which it is possible to start. For example, in the morning I taught a class at the Department, then worked with clients, in the afternoon I was on training, and in the evening I met with friends.
How did I feel at the beginning of the class? Normally. End of class? Too. When did you get to the office? Also all good. After working with clients? Resource. Early training? No complaints. End of class? Oh, now, by the end it's uncomfortable. Means something on class.
And so on. I think the principle is clear.
As a result, I find a specific event/action/words, after which there was discomfort. If the previous two questions have not been answered, now is the time to ask them again. When the situation is clear and the specific trigger that triggered the state, it becomes much easier to answer the question, what is this state and what impulse it generates.
At the end of this self-examination, I have complete information about what is happening to me, why, and what could help me. In most cases, this analysis alone helps to improve the condition or eliminates it altogether.
What else can be done additionally:
- pick a safer option implementation momentum (point 3) and exactly do this;
- to understand that the thoughts/feelings that haunt You since the identified situation, not quite describe reality, but rather they are the product of a certain internal program, which was launched by an external stimulus.
For example, if You are irritable, it is important to understand that it is not the people around You are so bad, and not your Affairs are so bad, and the state You have is that You climb into your head such thoughts and "in the soul" such feelings.
And the uncertainty is not due to the fact that You are worthless, but again, with a certain running program, which to your real qualities and successes has nothing to do.
And so on. In General, to separate the distortion of perception from reality. It is useful to remind yourself how things really are, what people are around you or what You really are and what you have achieved.
That's all. It's easy to describe, but not always easy to do the first time. One thing is for sure: if you take it as a regular practice, it will become a habit, And you will know much more often what is happening to You, why and what to do with it.