The overdue topic, although it is not easy to discuss, may even condemn, our mothers and make some conclusions. But, too many women come to see a psychologist with this question-my own mother does not let me live, what to do?
Just make a reservation – do not read this article to women whose relationship with their mother is good and calm, you will not understand the pain and suffering of many women who do not know such parental relationships, have not experienced maternal love, care and understanding.
You are very lucky to be born into a loving and caring family, as I am. But there is also a reverse side of the relationship-a complete lack of understanding, disrespect and even indifference on the part of, seemingly, the closest and dearest person – mom.
Situations are different. In one family, a mother does not allow her young daughter to meet a guy. In another, an adult daughter, having her own family, for some reason always has to consult with her mother and receive a positive assessment from her.
Or, even worse, when the mother in a Frank confrontation with his son-in-law, saying about him unpleasant things, thereby unnerving daughter. Constantly asks to help her in anything, although she can easily cope, if only the daughter cared for her. Ah and so on, cases many.
But the essence is one-the mother does not let her daughter away from her! And no matter how old the daughter, may be well over 40, she still controls her, watching every action, forcing to report on past events. She has to speak out on everything, even though no one asks her opinion, and her mother doesn't even care if her daughter is upset or not.
"What's the matter? I'm your mother and I wish you only the best!"Completely unaware that this is the "best" for her and not for her daughter. Can throw a tantrum, dropping tears, if she doesn't like the reaction and statements on her comments.
And no requests and entreaties to her do not act in response to either insult with the words "how could you hurt mother?", or quarrel with shout and insults. Well, not she understands that her daughter needs to live her own life that she has her own character, unlike the mother, maybe similar, but she doesn't want to live like her mom will show!
Does not understand that her daughter is quite an independent person, able to take responsibility for their actions, wanting to live your own life, mistakes and all! Does not want to understand this, sincerely believing that he loves his daughter, and wants her only good.
What to do? A difficult, unfortunately, insoluble problem. It is impossible to re-educate the mother, to force to reconsider her views, to change a position concerning own child. Such a mother! The easiest thing is to leave.
Try not to talk for a long time on the phone, give less information, talk only about the most important things. Do not engage in controversy or discussion of any events that are unpleasant for you, do not give rise to moralizing. The less information a mother has, the less talk and instruction there is. But this does not mean, categorically, that you can forget about it, in any case! Even coming to visit or help her, as soon as the "morality" begins, let your mother know that this is a "difficult" topic for you.
Try to convey to her all your thoughts and considerations about which you have a conflict or dispute. Genuinely loving mother you always understands, and here is if there is no mutual understanding, then principle simple – less communication! So it will be better for everyone!
Sooner or later mother will understand as need you it, by adopting your opinion and stance. Don't forget your mother, but also remember yourself and your family! And draw conclusions that already your daughter from you did not suffer!