In the face of change, we are not all equal: some only ask for that, but others dread it more than anything. And this is often the case for people I receive in consultation. At the crossroads, some of my patients have to make a decision. For that, it will be necessary to make a choice, and to choose a new way is to risk the unknown and to leave its "zone of comfort". Paradoxically, the fear of change is so strong that even to get out of an uncomfortable situation, we are afraid of ... the discomfort of change and novelty.
We have all been dealing with change, and whether it is negative or positive in nature, it is often a source of stress. It should be noted that on the scale of the assessment of stressors, a dismissal is as stressful as a marriage, and the death of an intimate friend is as much as the arrival of a new member in the family (see the stress scale of Holmes and Rahe - USA).
So how to apprehend the changes and overcome our fears?
- Change is inevitable: everything moves constantly and our society is constantly changing, whether at work, in love, in family or in society. Change is a natural phenomenon and it's good to remember it, because what scares us is being caught off guard, being surprised, not being "forewarned". So the first thing to do is to expect change to better adapt to it.
- We often overestimate what this change will generate as a difficulty. We are afraid of change because the representation we make of it is much more terrible than the situation itself. We are so stuck in the daily grind that we feel we do not "have the codes" for something else. In the face of change, ask yourself, what would I do if I was not afraid? You will see that you will suddenly have plenty of ideas. So working on his perception of things is a good job here again.
- Most of the brakes to change are put on our own. We often tell ourselves that it will be difficult to take on this new job, to leave a romantic relationship or to move. We do not want to give up what we know because the habit is comfortable. And if we do not dare to engage in something new, it is simply because we are not aware of our resources and our ability to adapt.
- When the change comes from outside and it is not the result of our decision, we associate it with something negative. Sometimes it imposes itself on us and we perceive it as an enormous injustice, while it can allow better situations, a. How many times have I heard some of my patients tell me that eventually, without this burnout, they would never have had the opportunity to rethink their professional life and do what they really like.
We do not always have the map of the world of our life and if it were, it would be simpler ... but much less fun. I really like this sentence from Paulo Coelho: "If you think the adventure is dangerous, try the routine, it's deadly."
To fight our fears is to be free, free to explore the possibilities, free to confront ourselves, free to use our strength. So take your courage with both hands and take the plunge to fully enjoy what life has to offer!