The main thing in raising a child is the parents' awareness of themselves, as well as the corresponding conclusions and changes.
This article is a few examples of sensations that are not usually recognized by the mother, but have a huge impact on the child. If at least the sensations described below are transformed into something much more pleasant, we can assume that the child is lucky and his life will change. Any educational moments such as moralizing, conversations, exhortations did not stand nearby.
So, in our unconscious, there are a huge number of parts, introjects, pictures, sensations that are usually not conscious. They are constantly in us, familiar to us, "fonit", but we do not pay attention to them. However, there comes a time when we can no longer ignore this whole “background”, since we are talking about our child.
What kind of background is this, what kind of unconscious sensations and pictures that affect our children?
1. Guilt
For his actions, for joy in life, for the manifestation of his self.
How does this affect the child: if the mother is feeling guilty in the background, then the children will easily learn it. Feeling guilty about everything and everything in children does not lead them to anything good. Constant feelings, self-doubt, lack of success at school.
Solution: after the mother realizes the guilt, she will transform the guilt into something more pleasant with the help of special psychotechnologies.
2. Internal unwillingness to take responsibility, to be an adult
When working with the unconscious in neurological and symbolic codes, the mother’s internal “maturity” looks like a child.
How does this affect a child: an undeveloped mother is a very heavy burden for children. They rush about, not knowing which bank to join, subconsciously feel that their mother is not an authority.
And, in the end, the child’s own internal adulthood also does not mature.
The solution to the problem: “raise” mom so that she feels grown up and ready to take responsibility for herself and the children.
3. Unresolved conflicts with one's own mother
If there are conflicts of this kind (and they usually always exist, if a person comes for a consultation), then they need to be resolved, of course.
How does this affect the child: the constant internal discontent of the mother with her own mother translates into irritation at the children. Oddly enough this sounds, but, unconsciously annoyed at her mother, mom is annoyed at her child (in the codes of the unconscious, it all looks pretty unusual, with different parts and symbols, however, this has a place to be). Often, mothers say they cannot feel the love of their child. And only to one. With others, they do not experience anything like it.
Solution: conflict resolution. Ideally, work in the codes of the unconscious with the entire maternal gender (if there is also the opportunity to work with the father, it can be assumed that life was a success).
4. Dissatisfaction with their implementation in life.
A mother sitting in children in an endless decree is, of course, “a loving mother, a homemaker, a woman who realizes her female destiny”, etc.
In fact, this is a tired unhappy woman who can not do herself and what she wants to do.
How it affects a child: it affects terribly. Perhaps even worse than a mother forever absent from home.
When the mother’s main feeling is “I do everything through power, I don’t like anything here, I don’t do what I love,” the child begins to feel the same. As a result, apathy is guaranteed to him. The child is programmed to mean that life is absolutely not an interesting thing. He ceases to be active, interested. And if young children can still maintain an innate passion for life, then in adolescents this condition completely disappears.
The solution to the problem: psychotherapy here does not hurt that mom feels within herself the strength to break out of the familiar vicious circle, but the solution to the problem must be factual - mom must really take care of herself and her beloved business.
5. Unrealized femininity and sexuality.
In Russia, in the last 100 years they have somehow managed without it. And nothing. As if.
This is a conversation for a separate post. However, for those who again decided to look into themselves about this and quickly went back, I will say. Is it possible to understand whether it would be good to be a mother without becoming her? Unlikely. What is motherhood, you know, when you have a child.
What is femininity and sexuality, too, you understand when they appear in you.
How does this affect the child: without this in yourself, you will not demonstrate to the child, and he will not recognize this part of life. In addition, the child has shame associated with this part of life, as shame is likely to be present in the mother.
Solution: to begin with, to analyze whether everything is in order in this area. And then you have to decide something.
These are just a few of the feelings and feelings of mothers that affect the behavior and well-being of their children. If the emotions on the topics described are strong, then this will affect not only the mental well-being of the children, but also their health.
The saying "the child is sick - treat the mother" is more than true.