In our time, when many traditions are broken, including those in which the upcoming family Union was decided by agreement between the parents, and the newlyweds had to confirm the folk wisdom "endure-slyubitsya – - civil marriage has become an integral part of the relationship for most young people.
This position is accepted and even recommended by many family psychologists. In Moscow, for example, such a model of relationships is very common and there is nothing wrong when young people live together for a certain time, calling themselves a family or their Union-civil marriage.
Advantages of civil marriage
On the official registration of relations, without prior cohabitation, today decided not all young couples. It is believed that it is better to test their feelings and compatibility before the official registration of the marriage Union.
Why this kind of relationship to many couples, recommends almost every family psychologist, especially in Moscow or another metropolis, where concentrated a huge number of people with different mentality and approach to family traditions.
- For official registration of the relations young people need to be convinced not only of the feelings, but also to understand and feel what it is, to live together, in the apartment 24 hours a day, understanding and accepting habits, and features of character of the "second half". After all, often, sometimes meeting, many do not even think: "what is this person in everyday life?"And only when faced with him in a very close "contact" understand that this person is absolutely not suitable for him.
- Many decisions to marry are made hastily and rashly, sometimes in spite of circumstances. Especially this "sin" young people who think that their feelings are deep and serious, for a long time or forever. Absolutely without thinking about what constitutes a family Union and obligations in the family. Therefore, it is very important to think carefully and weigh everything – because you are making a very important decision in your life. That's why it is necessary for some time, even very small, to live together, to finally make sure of their faith and love.
- The ability to leave without legal wrangling, if the situation has reached an impasse, also contributes to this kind of relationship. By the way, there are cases when the very realization that a loved one can disappear at any moment, reduces the risk of conflict situations – develops the skill of family Council, where you can carefully think about everything and make the right and only right decision, without offending and angering your partner.
- Financial issues in a civil marriage are also solved much easier than in a formal marriage. On the one hand, cohabitation does not oblige to the General disposal of earned funds, where everyone is the owner of his money, and on the other – it is a wonderful springboard for the transition to the family budget.
Pay attention! Most family psychologists during consultations give advice on civil marriage is as an intermediate link between Dating and wedding, but you should know that the average critical period of such a relationship-3 years. After this time, it is useful to reconsider your views on life and family values – are you satisfied?
Cons of civil marriage
- A very large number of young people do not understand all the responsibility to each other, the importance of the concluded family Union, the lack of understanding that from now on they are a single whole, where each is responsible for the other, taking on all the consequences of living together. And this is not liable in a civil, i.e. an open relationship, when each by itself.
- Long-term cohabitation can extinguish passionate and sensual relationships, making them mundane and boring. The question immediately arises: "why then get married?"Why indeed?
- Living in a free relationship does not give a certain experience of family relations, where the whole life together is arranged by completely different rules. Such relations only "play in family", such not being on fact. Therefore, conflicts are "hushed up" and do not want to argue, and it is better not to strain at all, but to live as you want.
- The difficulty is that often the partners, despite the time spent together, have little experience of "legalized relations". Also plays a role false impression that the "period of adjustment" was supposed to have ended. When family counseling, even couples who have lived together for more than one year, find out for themselves that they are not fully studied the habits and preferences of each other.
- Often the result of living together is a whole bunch of claims to each other, where everyone expresses dissatisfaction with the partner, dissatisfaction and even indignation. Such cases are only the tip of the iceberg of situations that a good family psychologist faces and resolves the conflict. Moscow, in addition, is a multinational city – the whole country in miniature, so it is also worth considering a very high probability of meeting a carrier of family traditions that are radically different from those to which you are accustomed from childhood, watching them on the example of parents.
Marriage and family psychologist
There are always at least as many opinions as there are people. Views on family life in General and civil marriage in particular can cause problems in the family, regardless of the amount of time lived together, and sometimes only a family psychologist can settle them – Moscow or the provinces.
Immediately it should be noted that the consultation of a family psychologist is not carried out in order to convince one of the parties in the rightness of the other. This is a fundamentally wrong opinion – just such an approach often gives sharply negative results.
Finding a solution that is acceptable to all parties and will resolve problems in the family-this is the real reason why you need the advice of a family psychologist. In Moscow, for example, there are interesting statistics that show that according to surveys, married women more than married men. That is, some women who live in a common-law marriage believe that they are married, while men prefer to think that they are free from any obligations.