In recent years, there are more and more families where the age difference between spouses is 10-15 years, or even more. What is it-a fashion trend, crazy love or "freedom of choice"? I think in each case there are reasons for registration of relations.
Of course, just 20 - 25 years ago in our country it was not accepted even to have any relationship with a partner much older. Nobody will understand! It caused condemnation and hostility from society, could destroy career, deserved status and position.
Ridicule from friends and family made such a relationship impossible. People hid their feelings from outsiders, avoiding publicity, which eventually led to a breakup.
In modern society, our mores have become much freer, freer and more relaxed. Everyone is free to decide with whom to live, how and where, absolutely not looking at someone else's opinion. Although, until now, couples with a large age difference cause gossip and misunderstanding.
So why are many men and women interested in partners of the opposite sex much older than themselves? Perhaps it plays an important role of a personal character, intelligence, education. As a consulting family psychologist I want to share some of my observations.
Man older than woman
A young man who chooses a lady older than himself as a life partner is likely to look for support, support and care in her, which he needs due to any circumstances. Maybe there were problems with mother, or even its absence, what he lacks affection, tenderness and warmth. If a man chooses a woman younger than himself-most likely he wants to dominate the family, be the master, take care, like a father and keep everything under control. Also it's nice to have a young wife, competing with his friends. Young girls who choose their husbands partners much older than themselves, may be different in nature and have different reasons. As insecure and clamped in a personality, looking for support and support in a more experienced man, and Mercantile, calculating and selfish. After all, how easy it is to come to everything ready!
Woman older men
Women who choose men younger than their age, subconsciously want his dependence on themselves, seek to dominate the family, to play the role of mother. Apparently, there was a lot of unspent affection, warmth and tenderness. They strongly want to bind to him his beloved, fulfilling their every whim.
In any married couple there are conflicts and disagreements. Divorced spouses-the same age and with a slight age difference. Another thing, for what reasons? Families where one spouse is much older than the other is sometimes more difficult, because it is necessary to take into account the fact that these are two different generations who grew up in completely different conditions, even in different countries. The generation from the USSR has a completely different mentality than the person formed after "perestroika". Hence there is a conflict of interests and values, misunderstandings of certain views and preferences. We must try very hard to build relationships so that everyone in the family felt understood and accepted., tend to dominate the family, to play the role of the mother. Apparently, there was a lot of unspent affection, warmth and tenderness. They strongly want to bind to him his beloved, fulfilling their every whim.
As soon as there is the first crack in the relationship between the spouses, it is necessary to use the help of a psychologist for family problems. Only a qualified specialist will give you the right and necessary advice, will provide timely psychological advice and support. After all, there can be many reasons for conflicts, and they are connected precisely because of the age difference.
Pros and cons of age difference
Very often, our friends and some of the family members can not come to terms with the difference in the age of the spouses. Hence the ridicule, the condemnation, the sometimes open rejection of such an Alliance. Such bullying leads to insults, disagreements and even scandals in the family, which does not strengthen mutual feelings. It is necessary to resist such kind of statements and simply ignore them, do not pay attention! Love is more important!
There is another problem of conflict and discord in the family. An adult woman usually has great difficulty getting pregnant. Many young husbands really want to have their own children, and not to bring up the children of their passion. If this problem is too important for them, then such a marriage, unfortunately, will break up. In addition, there may be a conflict in the older spouse with his adult children, if the young wife became pregnant. Many grown-up offspring do not want to put up with the appearance of new brothers and sisters, they are jealous of rivals in the inheritance. But this is a problem in education.
Also, there are misunderstandings and quarrels in a couple with a big age difference due to materialistic problems. After all, the older partner certainly has a certain income and position in society, at least he does not have housing problems. And young spouses, as a rule, claim their state and money. And why not, because they are a married couple? Both need to know-in any family discord and conflicts on similar subject not rare, more important, to Union was on love! And financial support, and support sometimes play an important role in family life.
It is curious to look on the other side of such marriages – how much feeling, attention and care can be given by wiser and more knowledgeable husbands and wives. Thanks to their life experience and baggage will be able to avoid obstacles and problems that arise on the way to family happiness. Who better than them to know the value of a harmonious and prosperous relationship in the family!
Quite often on the advice of a family psychologist have to hear different opinions of people on the topic of "age" marriages. Many couples are still embarrassed by their age difference. It is very important to know – it does not matter if people truly and recklessly love each other! And for what reason they came together and because of what-the main thing is a huge trust in each other, warmth and comfort! After all, each family is unique!