People who have decided to adopt a small and stupid child, should be determined from the very beginning – when they tell the truth about his appearance in their family, however, it is sometimes a very difficult step that requires the intervention of professional help of a family psychologist.
This is a really important psychological and mandatory moment, both in the life of the adoptive parents themselves, and in the fate of the younger man.
Many people decide to hide this fact, simply not to talk about it, carefully protecting his secret, because it is easier and calmer, it is not aware that sooner or later the lie may be revealed, the deception will be obvious.
Since, approximately, from the age of 12 children everything is being questioned, ask a lot of strange questions "what do I look like?", noting the appearance dissimilarity with the father and mother, or "what is my character?"seeing that he differs in temperament from the other members of the family.
They may simply be interested in their birth – where and under what circumstances, many, many times asking the same questions, as if checking the similarity of the answers. In this age children become excessively suspicious and every with their mental characteristics.
It is possible, of course, to lull their vigilance for many years, but it is even difficult for an adult to imagine how children have developed a sense of intuition, inexplicable assumptions and specific sensations, sometimes leading even to psychological deviations.
And, if, after all, the truth is revealed, the consequences of psychological problems can be unexpected. Someone will rush to reproach and question everything said and done in previous years, forever undermining the trust in the people who raised him, and someone, on the contrary, will be grateful to his father and mother. In case of a conflict situation, of course, consultation and assistance of a psychologist will be extremely necessary.
My opinion, as a family psychologist with extensive experience, a lot depends here, as well as from the adoptive parents themselves, and on the education and character of your adopted child.
But, deceiving the children, parents, first of all, all life lie to themselves, every day, for long years, from-for the psychological illiteracy, being under fear to blurt out or let slip, being afraid of talkative relatives and various "well-wishers". And it is not fair, in the end, before the adoptive son or daughter, he has a moral and psychological right to know about their origin, about their biological parents.
Almost both children's and family psychologists consider the best time to discover the truth to 4-5 years. At this age, foster children perceive the world as a fairy tale and any word they say is taken for the truth, as a basis, without subjecting to any doubts.
For them there is no tragedy, knowing that mom and dad took him to a "special" house, he is so accustomed to the idea that it is not frightened, he's OK with it, considering themselves special. Then, growing up, somewhere after five years, children begin to wonder how he was born, hinting at his biological origin, because modern children are very "advanced" in this matter. Here we can say about the biological mother, father.
With age, gradually telling, why he lives in their family, why he proved have adoptive parents. Since childhood, the child should get used to the words "biological parents", "foster children", "adoption", "adoption", it should not be afraid of these terms.
It is very important to convey to the child that the rejection of biological parents from him, has no relation to his own personality, that he is loved by them and, most importantly, the desired child in this family, without causing any psychological trauma.
Know that growing up in an atmosphere of love, warmth and trust, attention and care grows honest and good man, loving, respectful and infinitely grateful to his parents. As a family psychologist, I constantly discuss this with many of my clients. Only honesty and openness of adults helps children to be as kind and noble, confident and psychologically resistant to any difficulties in life.