One of the most age – old and common problems of mankind is the psychology of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. In any country and at any time – the same. There has always been and there is this conflict. Why? What are the roots of this difficult and sometimes hostile situation? We will not even fall into retrospect of this problem, as in all countries, without exception, there were such controversial relationships!
For example: in many African tribes, the newlyweds lived separately, and saw their mother only on major holidays. Just like in Japan. Very wise! In our country since ancient times the daughter-in-law came to live in the house to the mother-in-law. Not only did she find herself in unfamiliar territory with an unfamiliar way of life, and her mother – in-law immediately put her in place-I'm the main in this house. In our language "mother-in-law" so and translated-the Holy blood! Therefore, it is necessary to listen to her unconditionally! And about some understanding and respect of the question! Came to the house of another labor, but also mouth to feed! Men in the field or hunting, doing business, and women in the field, and in the economy, and around the house. So arranged life. Whether you like your mother-in-law or not, what's the use? Where to live, and how to survive in those difficult conditions. And used daughter-in-law to survive "in a rag to keep quiet," waiting for his "finest hour", when their sons grow up, marry, and here it is possible to "roam" to the fullest, to avenge his "slaughtered" youth!
At the consultations of couples, this topic is not new and clear, almost every third client (she is either a mother-in-law or a daughter-in-law) turns to me with a request for help and resolution of a family conflict situation. It would seem that in our modern society, there are all conditions for individual and independent living, and mother-in-law and daughter-in-law still can not find a common language, as a rule, with very few exceptions. But with this exception, and start.
Why? Again another question. It's all about the older generation! If the mother-in-law is smart, educated and modern, then there are no problems with the daughter-in-law. The eldest in the family always builds relationships with the younger!!! A wise and intelligent woman will try to find an approach to her son's beloved. Not interfere with the relationship of young and will not give them any advice, as if she didn't like, maintains its distance and neutrality.
But not always daughters-in-law are so smart and reasonable to understand the tact and delicacy of his mother-in-law. It also depends on the level of education and culture, where her personality and character, living conditions and a certain way of relationship between mother and father were formed. Of course, ideally, a young person should choose an equal and by origin and education, but this should teach his mother, since childhood, so that in later life there were no disagreements and problems.
In General, it is a very difficult psychological problem - the relationship of women in the same family! This is a kind of test of survival, resistance, ability to start and live life wisely and correctly!
But how often at the first date the future mother-in-law meets the future daughter-in-law not that is cautious, and hostile, with suspicion " well-we will look whom our favourite Sonny brought?"And it is very difficult to please and please such a self-confident and" in love " with his own son, a woman who considers him the most worthy groom!
It is important to understand the psychological characteristics of almost all mothers – in-law is the fear of losing the love and attention of his son, to be less popular. And suddenly its now will less value and respect, pay it attention! And what if her daughter-in-law could not love and care for her son as she did? Rejection and suspicion, sometimes aggression and hostility, are justified by these fears and apprehensions. Most likely, the same thing happened to her in her youth, just as badly received and criticized, and she had to prove her right to be a good wife all her life. But young is still not clear! They are just beginning to build their own lives and relationships. Therefore, it is very important from the first acquaintance not to set yourself up against the bride of your son and understand that much depends on her behavior in the future, only her worldly wisdom and experience will help to build a good and lasting relationship. And in the future, the young will show care, respect, love.
A young couple is also important to know the first "commandments" of good taste:
- do not demonstrate their relationship with parents (both husband and wife), at least the first months. Do not kiss or hug in front of them, try not to annoy them with your feelings. Understand, this is not just jealousy! After all, every mother must get used to the idea that her child no longer belongs to her;
"let your mother-in-law know she's loved and respected." This must be understood by both, each of the spouses. It is not necessary to criticize it once again and to make remarks. And all her statements be taken calmly and with dignity, not to contradict and argue;
– one of the most important conditions of family life is to live separately. No matter how hard it was! Understand, it is a guarantee of your happiness!
- don't forget to make gifts – about and without! Thus, showing attention and participation. Call once again, ask about health and General condition.
According to experienced family psychologists-to achieve harmony in the relationship between mother – in-law and daughter-in-law is the work of both. Only joint efforts and desires to achieve mutual understanding and support, and most importantly – to make their common man happy, will lead to a real, friendly and long life together!