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The article is subjective and expresses the personal opinion of the author.
Children are interested in information. For example, you told me forty times that it’s time to brush your teeth — and the child missed this fact. But the casual dropped phrase that your mother-in-law in profile resembles Hitler, the child somehow remembered and repeated three times at a family dinner.
Experts believe that asking questions is a very useful thing. It turns out that this is not a way to bring grandmother and knock dad off pantalik, but a powerful mechanism of cognitive development. “Dad, how to grow bigger warts for yourself?” Is a request for information, an effective tool to get information about the world, navigate it and solve your problems. “When do you still brush your teeth?” - the child has not yet formulated such a request, so your lecture passed him.
However, we, adults, with this restless “cognitive mechanism” have a hard time: some of the information can hurt the child, some he will not understand at all, and we honestly don’t know the answer to some questions. So you have to grumble: “Um ... Yes ... You're still small. If you grow up, you will know. ”
Well, if instead of such an unintelligible muttering, we will have prepared rescue strategies. For example, such.
1. Questions you are not ready to answer the truth
- Mom, what - will I die too? And my cat? And you?
- Does a tooth fairy really exist?
- Did dad really call the minister a bad word?
On the one hand, it’s great to support children's illusions: let the child believe in miracles, in eternal life, in magic and good politicians. On the other hand, you are lying to a person who trusts you, disorienting him.
The only thing that can save here is to recall the children's request. You need to understand: it’s not the fact that now the child asks exactly what you thought.
First, specify what worries him and why. Do not be alarmed, ask clarifying questions. In many cases, it turns out that Kolya did not want to part with his faith in the tooth fairy, he was just worried if she knew that his tooth was loose and he needed a gift. It is important for children to receive confirmation of many obvious things: yes, there will be a gift, yes, dad knows how to control himself, yes, the world is safe and the comet will not crash into the Earth.
This is especially important when the question is about something terrible: death, war, violence. The main thing here is not to devote an hour to the description of the black pages of history, but to give the child the confidence that he is protected and loved, and ahead - a long, long life.
2. Questions for which you do not know the answer
- Why does a hammerhead shark have a head like a hammer?
- Why is Petya acting like a blockhead?
- Will Russia ever rise from its knees?
Some questions take us by surprise. Yes, of course, you have heard about quantum energy, but you are not ready now to explain the mechanism of action on your fingers. It may turn out that fingers here are not particularly helpful. But, thank God, now we have the Internet! Instead of pretending that we did not hear what the child said there, you need to joyfully exclaim: “How wonderful that you ask about it! Great question! Let's look for an answer together! ”This is never a shame. Today, we can, without prejudice to our authority, try to understand together with the child in complex scientific fields (not about Santa Claus), share our emotions or together construct interesting theories.
First, we show how to find information. While the parent and child are rummaging together in the smartphone, we can discuss why dad trusts some sites, but not others. Secondly, it’s even better if you don’t find the answer right away. Writing letters to specialists, going to the library, rummaging through reference books is a good move, which will show the child how to be persistent in receiving an answer, and will find that in the end everything is available, you just have to make an effort. Thirdly, it helps you get closer and proves that even such an adult and serious person like you is interested in all sorts of strange things, like the shape of the nose of a wide-toed digging dodont.
There are teachers who assure us that we should not immediately answer children's questions. Like, if we immediately answer the main question of life, the Universe and everything else, we make it clear that the best way to gain knowledge is to trust authority.
A more competent move is to begin to reason with the child, try to build a logical picture
Ask what they think about this, what, for example, are the prospects for Russia based on past experience. Then you can read special sources, but try to think before receiving an answer, in any case, good practice.
3. Questions that make you awkward
- What does “we cannot afford to play golf” mean?
- How did it happen that your brother settled in your stomach? Can it be canceled?
- Why does Aunt Luba have such a wrinkled face? (The question, of course, was asked by Aunt Luba.)
Here the parent will need extraordinary self-control, it is important not to evade, otherwise the question will be repeated in different variations. Tell us calmly and honestly about your values: golf is not among your family’s life priorities. Therefore, we decided to spend time and money on what is really important to us. We will not cancel the brother, and discussing people, especially in their presence, is very, very ugly.
4. Questions that make you angry
- Why should I go to this stupid school?
- Why can you not sleep at night, but should I?
- Why are you commanding?
From some children's questions a feeling of powerlessness arises. Maybe somewhere it’s not even a question, but a protest or a sign that something is going wrong. For example, a child does not like school, and this makes us feel so bad that we want to put on a hat and never hear about it. We can explain for a long time what the meaning of educational institutions is, but a small person will still remain convinced that we did not help him.
If a children's question hurts us for a living, we need to unearth the cause of the problem. In the case of the school - to understand why it is bad there and how to fix it. If a person is preparing a midnight rebellion, sit down and confidentially find out what happened. This is more difficult than stamping your leg and claiming that you are in charge. But there is a chance that the conversation will turn into a question easier, for example, about gravity, someone’s wrinkled face or extinct diplodocus ...
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