How to survive the betrayal of loved ones and keep faith in love, friendship, loyalty? It is not easy, but it must be done.
To reflect on the origins and consequences of betrayal, I was prompted by the stories that my clients tell at psychological consultations: men, women, people of different ages and social status.
They had to drink the bitter Cup of betrayal of a loved one, friend or girlfriend, lose and regrow support in life.
Betrayal as a phenomenon to understand in order to survive
To cope with a psychological problem, it is necessary to understand its essence. Let us together deal, what actions can be considered betrayal of.
For example, we often look at loved ones and friends through "rose-colored glasses", unconsciously endow loved ones with the best qualities: they are super faithful, ultra - reliable and the most caring. They really technonikola not refuse to help. Psychologists call this phenomenon "idealization".
In real life, alas, there always comes a time when friends can not or do not want to sacrifice for us something important: their feelings, time, money, and we perceive it as a betrayal.
It often happens that we attribute to our loved ones "telepathic abilities": they say, without words, can and should understand what we especially need. And, of course, we expect that we will be provided with what we need.
Conclusion: when it comes to loved ones, betrayal is often called a mismatch of our expectations with real actions and deeds.
If you dig deeper, you can come to a paradoxical, at first glance, the conclusion: betrayal is the destroyed dependence of two people on each other. Together-well, and apart-bad, lonely, anxious and empty. And there's nothing to fill that void.
When people confuse love or friendship with a dependent relationship, they have to solve a basically impossible task: "the Partner should always be good with me." Do you think that's possible?
This information is not easy to accept. I have often seen the shock experienced by my clients, when in the process of individual counseling, they realized: friendship or love quietly turned into dependence, in the relationship of "parent" and "child", patron and consumer.
As an illustration, I will give a story from my practice, changing the names of its participants:
Two friends, Lyudmila and Irina, were friends since student years. The first became a wealthy woman, and for many years helped a less successful friend, including financially: she found a good job, furnished an apartment, dressed Irina's daughter. In this blessed friend took care for granted, and did not hurry to the aid of her difficult moments of her life. And once Irina completely stopped communicating with Lyudmila: she did not call and did not answer the calls, unable to cope with the next successes of Lyudmila both in family life and in her professional activity.
You may ask: is it friendship?
No, it's an addiction. Having ceased to communicate, Irina, broke off the protracted relations of the patron and the patron, but not friendship.
Betrayal of loved ones: how to take the knife out of your back and move on
When a person realizes that he was betrayed by loved ones, the soul is filled with strong and contradictory feelings: anger, confusion and regret for the lost relationship.
At such a moment, you can not be alone with your pain, on the contrary, you must do everything possible to regain faith in people and self-confidence.
First of all, you need to take responsibility for your life, and thank the "traitor" for getting rid of addiction;
If you keep a diary or write a series of angry letters to the traitor, you can gradually get rid of negative emotions;
It is worth every day to do something that brings joy: do a hobby or go on a trip;
In addition, it is necessary to consciously abandon generalizations: "People should not be trusted", "Anyone can betray" , etc., get rid of these destructive beliefs;
To get out of the vicious circle of suffering, it is necessary to resort to the help of a good psychologist who will understand Your negative emotions and help you get out of this situation.