Do you know how many unpleasant moments fall to the lot of those who are afraid or do not know how to politely and with dignity to refuse people their requests. But once You learn to say" no " calmly and without hesitation, immediately increases their own self-esteem, there is free time and others begin to reckon with Your opinion. Do you like this prospect? Then read my recommendations, apply them in life and enjoy reaping the benefits.
"I lent it to a Hatty acquaintance, although I knew perfectly well that it was unnecessary. Promised to sit with the son of a neighbor, instead of preparing for exams, got "good" and lost the red diploma"... If you commit such "charitable" acts, and then berate yourself for indecision and inability to say "no" I recommend reading the article "reasoning psychologist: why it is necessary to learn to refuse and say "no".
Of course, You realize the value of your life and want to gain confidence in yourself and your actions, personal freedom and genuine respect for others. And I believe That you will find the time and courage you need to implement these recommendations.
3 difficult steps that must be performed
1. To begin with, please free yourself from the delusion that this world can be good for EVERYONE and ALWAYS! Well, or at least Your loved ones. Alas, this does not happen. You know why? Different people have so different interests, tastes and desires that they sooner or later come into conflict with plans and opportunities. This is especially true of family and friends who are used to receiving help from You without delay.
Take it for granted: you can't make everyone happy. And don't blame yourself.
2. Stop being the universal lifesaver. Remember that in a world with limited resources: health, strength, time, money, there is always competition for the possession of them.
This means that everyone, including You, sometimes get into uncomfortable situations when you need to defend your interests, ignore people's requests and accept such behavior on their part.
3. Take the third, difficult step to freedom: finally admit to yourself that you regularly ignore your own desires in the name of the fulfillment of others, thus betraying yourself.
If you think that this is too tough a statement, remember what opportunities You missed, what you lost, did not have time, lost, because once again did not dare to say another firm "No".
How to refuse politely and confidently: 5 effective techniques
Even a child knows: to pump up muscles, it is necessary to regularly perform strength exercises. This is also true when it comes to training any behavioral skill, and the ability to say no is no exception.
1. Consciously increase your psychological resilience to people's criticisms, manipulations, and demands. If personal self-esteem remains high, despite the attacks of others, You will be able to show their disagreement calmly and without remorse. On the relationship of self-esteem and self-confidence, read the article "self-Doubt, shyness, low self-esteem."
2. Try to independently, without internal struggle, to make a decision: to do or not to do what you are asked. Then It will be easy for you to say no politely.
As a workout, choose situations where people can do without Your help: walk around the Mall and refuse to start with the promoters handing out brochures, if you really do not need them. Just do it out loud and confidently. When you feel that you feel easy, complicate the task and say " no " to those who previously did not dare to object.
3. Take responsibility for your choice: look into the eyes of the interlocutor, it should be calm, firm, without indignation, and even more so without aggression. Don't make excuses, don't be manipulated, respect your boundaries and limits.
4. It will be easier for the interlocutor if you give any explanations in case of refusal. There are many forms of how to do this, so as not to offend a person. For example:
- Sympathetic refusal - show regret that we can not fulfill the request;
- Reasonable refusal-give reasons for refusal;
- Delayed refusal-when you need to buy time to think;
- Disclaimer/help – he can't, but I'll try to find someone who will do it;
- Refusal to compromise – something refuse, agree.
5. In any case, do not be afraid to tell the truth and Express your opinion, you will not lose the location of the person dear to you and precisely because he understands and accepts your position.
Don't get me wrong, it's not about what You do more often: agree or say no. The most important thing is what You feel at this moment: confidence, intention to help or irritation, and even hatred towards the petitioner. People who respect themselves, their time, energy, are able to say "no". And refuse because these requests they do not need and uninteresting. They will not be angry with themselves or with the petitioner-this is their strength and freedom!