The first love of a teenager is often compared to a natural disaster, because it comes unexpectedly for everyone. A wave of new, hitherto unknown emotions and feelings, covering the teenager with his head, captures a whole, overshadowing studies, former Hobbies, loved ones.
Adults are also experiencing difficult feelings: fear, as if their "child" has not done fatal mistakes, anxiety over the future (and how to study, exam, Institute) and even jealousy: who is their child disappears every night, and spend hours talking on the phone, shut in her room.
This article will help parents of boys and girls in love to realize their experiences, to accept the situation as a natural phenomenon and help children get invaluable experience of their first love.
First love: teenagers - euphoric, parents in shock. Why?
As a teenage psychologist, I know that the first love of their grown children parents feel as a serious problem. This is because:
- Adults have already forgotten their youthful experiences, so they can not understand what is happening to their son or daughter.
- Moms and dads often unconsciously perceive their child only as an "extension of themselves", imposing their way of thinking on the child, trying to realize their unfulfilled dreams through him.
- In adolescence, the age-old "conflict of generations" comes into full force, which prevents adults from seeing the world through the eyes of their grown children.
- Many parents have not experienced such a passion at this age, respectively, and do not even know the "symptoms" that should occur.
- Often there is a misunderstanding due to the difference in characters, attitudes and certain views on life.
Reminder for parents: 3 "no's" and 3 "must" in dealing with a teen with a crush
As a teen psychologist and as a mom, I understand your worries and doubts and suggest following clear and specific recommendations that will primarily help your children experience their love as a vivid and meaningful experience for their future life. And secondly, to understand and understand their own attitude to such a "problem", to establish mental and spiritual contact with his, so suddenly grown up, the child.
So, 3 " cannot be»
1. It is impossible to regard the first youthful love as something frivolous. And twice cannot be to demonstrate daughters or son, that he still a small and so his feelings fleeting and unimportant;
2. It is unacceptable to speak disparagingly about the chosen one (TSE) of Your child, whatever You yourself think about it;
3. It is impossible to forbid young people to communicate, except in cases of clearly antisocial behavior of the chosen one.
If you want to understand your children better, read useful materials in the blog section "parent-Child relations". About problems with teenagers tells article: Harmful child or transitional age?
3 "must»
1. Take it for granted that children are born, grow and develop precisely in order to grow up in time, love and know love in all its manifestations. So openly and without hypocrisy discuss with a teenager questions physical development, sex and love. It would be right if the mother frankly talk "on adult" topics with her daughter, and the father – with his son.
2. To conversations did not turn into teachings, take it easy to the fact that the teenager appeared from you secrets and do not be afraid of it. Understand that young lovers are not yet able to understand their feelings, and describe them in words. And it is especially difficult to share with parents, because teenagers are afraid that You will not take their feelings seriously, strengthen control and introduce new prohibitions. Therefore, avoid Intrusive questions.
Can unobtrusively recommend a teenager counseling online, because with a stranger is much easier to share the most intimate. In addition, a professional will be able to help the lover to understand his feelings.
3. Give children advice not in the form of ultimatums, but in the form of recommendations, and be sure to explain why You think one way or another. Then the teenager will not have a feeling of protest, he will remember Your words and maybe listen to them. In this way, you will help your son or daughter gain their own experience and through it become aware of actions, goals and desires. It means to become a Mature, independent and strong personality.
I love her. She was his. He seems to like the other one. Or the geometry of teenage love
Love triangles and even more complex figures often arise in romantic relations teenagers. If Your daughter or son is involved in a "polygonal" relationship, it complicates an already difficult situation. The young lover is under the influence of strong, often contradictory experiences. You, dear moms and dads, unfortunately, is also not easy to understand what is happening, especially without sufficient information. Objectively and impartially to understand the vicissitudes associated with first love, will help an experienced teenage psychologist. This is especially necessary if your children are experiencing "unrequited" love. In any case, listen carefully to their children, try to understand them, to feel how not just to live in their "difficult" age, as they are vulnerable and tender, although sometimes behave quite aggressively.