One of the most difficult problems for a second wife in a family relationship is to recognize the existence of a previous spouse and children from a previous marriage. Any man who loves his child, but being divorced from his mother, will not stop taking care of him and seeks to participate in his life. Therefore, marrying this type of father, it is necessary to take this into account and understand what will have to face, you will almost always be in the second position, especially if the kids are still small and it is logical.
I do not want to talk about those representatives of the male sex, which in a divorce suddenly forget about their own children and even alimony has to be "knocked out" of them, fortunately, most modern civilized men act differently.
The woman hard enough to accept "foreign" children, she can give birth to their own, this is the female psychology. And the more difficult it is to recognize the existence of the ex-wife and her invisible presence in family life. After parting with her, her husband continues to communicate, but how else? They have ceased to be spouses, but are the parents of their common child, maybe not one. By stamping the divorce on the passport, the family ceased to exist as such, but for the father, his children will always be his family.
Of course, he must build the right relationship with his former wife, not giving her the opportunity to interfere in the new family, and everyone decides for himself how to do it, based on his own personality and existing circumstances. It is impossible for children to suffer from the relationship of father and mother, it should not concern them in any way.
So how should you behave with your husband and his children from a previous marriage? Some recommendations:
- First, unconditionally accept the spouse together with his past, with his former life. Not to criticize, reproach, condemn, accuse, tease, ridicule. Not judge! You loved him for what he is, with all the advantages and disadvantages, so be it.
- Keep in mind, the ex-wife is not obliged to care about your feelings and emotions, she has her own claims and conditions to now your husband, which they decide together, maybe with your participation, it's like an agreement.
- Try not to conflict with the other side, try to understand the feelings of the abandoned woman, even if it was a mutual decision. Thus, you will look worthy in the eyes of your loved one.
- Do not forbid the spouse to see children from the first marriage! No matter how hard and sad – is it "too late", do not deprive them of the happiness of communication. And do not limit the time, otherwise deception and cunning will be eternal companions in your family. If the husband wishes to see them without your participation-his right. Ideally, try to integrate the guys in your life together, try to arrange joint holidays and vacations, a lot depends on your participation and commitment to it.
- In the presence of common children, the husband must communicate on an equal footing with all. It is not necessary to divide on their own and "those" is your concern, your responsibility in front of all the kids. This is your wisdom!
What about men? What should they do in such a situation? Can offer the next advice psychologist:
- After parting with his former wife, try to maintain friendly relations, at least for the sake of the child. Don't forget – you are parents! Be lenient to her actions and actions, especially in the first time after separation, it is very difficult to" share " a loved one.
- Agree on the form of communication with his ex-wife, make them "transparent", your" new " wife should not suffer, the more jealous and tormented. Don't give her any reason to doubt your loyalty. Many women forbid face-to-face meetings because of this.
- Strive to create a friendly atmosphere between the wife and children from a previous marriage. But do not demand a lot of love from her to your children, just a good and friendly relationship, after all, they have their own mother.
- If your wife has her own child from her first marriage, who lives with you, do not compare her attitude to him and his children. For her as well as you – her child in the first place!
- At the birth of common children, do not be afraid to feel a stronger love for the newborn, all children are loved, just someone older, someone younger and requires more attention. It is more important to calm the firstborn and tell him about your feelings, how he is dear to you and needed.
If there is love and harmony in the family, all obstacles to achieving this will be overcome. It will be hard work, not everything turns out at once. Many couples, very much in love with each other, can not resolve many conflict situations on their own, without the intervention of third parties.The best option is a psychologist's advice, competent and professional support will resolve all controversial issues and will greatly improve the quality of life. There are so many beautiful and wonderful things in the world, you should not waste your strength, time and energy on arguments, quarrels and "pulling the blanket" on yourself. Enjoy every day! Love each other and all your children!